I was going to put this post under the "Just for Us" section and get responses from a much more diverse group of people than those who just come to the FTM boards, but I realized something.  Although I love conversing with everyone at Susan's Forums, I've developed a much closer relationship to the FTMs here and I trust you guys' advice.  I love all advice, so if you aren't FTM and you are reading this, I would love to hear what you have to say.  I'm just in need of comfort and I find that all my guy friends here help the most.

I have always had pride in myself for being a very independent person.  I always said I'd never get homesick and I'd do okay alone. I'm leaving for college tomorrow, which is about 6 hours away from my home.  I will live in an apartment by myself.   I'm terrified.  I've even found myself on the virge of tears.  I think it kills me because school doesn't even start until August 27th.  I'm going tomorrow because I have a possible job interview and I NEED that job.  If I don't get that job, I don't know what I will do.  I will most likely sit in my apartment and do NOTHING, by myself until classes start or until I find another job.  I want to have my mind occupied at all times, so if I get that job, I can meet people and have something to do.  I don't want to sit alone and think about what all I am missing in my loved ones lives back home.  I'm very close to my family and if my brain won't be constantly occupied, I will miss them terribly.  It's just the little things really, such as eating dinner together or just joking around. I don't want their lives to go on without me, ya know? I don't want to miss those precious moments.

My boyfriend won't be in until October and I probably won't visit home for a long time (gas is pretty expensive to be going back and forth, I'd be willing to make the drive).  I want to meet people, but like I said, if I don't get that job I'll have no social interaction until the 27th.  I guess I'm just freaking out.  I could just wait until just before classes start and go and hope that I could still get a job at the place I'm interviewing at tomorrow, but that would decrease my chance of getting the job greatly.  Plus, I have to leave at some point.  Whether it's now or in 2 weeks it will be hard. 

I'm scared, guys.  I feel like a child, but I'm so scared about the next, lonely two weeks. Please, offer any comfort at all.  I will appreciate it so much. Thanks yall.

awwww *hugs*
if you think you need that job then you should go but keep in touch with you family like call them and stuff
maybe you would be less lonely then hope this helps

Don't worry, bro. I'm the same way.

I don't know what else I can say to help you because I'm pretty scared myself. I like to think I'm independent, but I guess we all have our moments and conditioned situations where we all get scared. I personally hate having my hand held but sometimes I need help.

I wish I had something to actually contribute and to help, but all I can offer is that you aren't alone.

*big hug*

Being away from a place where you feel safe and comfortable can be a very scary thing, honey. No two ways about it. I did it myself at 17 when I went into the military. I can't even begin to tell you how terrifying it was, although I suspect you're feeling the same.

There are two ways to deal with being away from loved ones, at least that I've found.

1. Block it out. This is what I did, and to be honest I kinda regret it. I forced myself to not think about back home or anything to do with it. And it got me through... no letters, no contact, just... not letting myself think about anything that could cultivate feelings of homesickness.

By the sounds of it, that won't work in your case. So:

2. Take every form of contact you can; email, mail, phonecalls... anything that makes you feel connected and in touch. And the times you can't do that... write things that you want to put in your next letter or email, save them to send when you can.

Take as many pictures with you as you can and keep them with you, surround yourself with them. If you can get people to record videos that you can watch, do that... so that you feel they are still with you, even if not physically.

You'll be okay, honey. You'll get through it. It's not forever, and you won't lose contact with the people you care about forever. Just keep thinking of that; each day you get through is one closer to the time where you'll have a social circle to occupy your mind.

Are there any hobbies you enjoy that you could do to distract you a little whilst you're waiting? Art? Videogames? Writing? Something you can focus on to take your mind off things for a while.

well, don't really have advice. But I can commiserate. I'm a total mamma's boy. I mean even when I lived alone or with a partner, she'd still show up to do my laundry and bring food so I'd eat something other than pizza everyday. I have been away from her for long periods and it was ok I guess but I missed her. She's my best friend in the world.
So yeah, I commiserate.

You're definitely not alone. I'm leaving for college in about a week. I'm only going to be 45 minutes away, and I've already cried. Just broke down completely, and I'm not even going to miss my family. I cried about my dog. When my dad goes out of town, it really bums him out. I'm afraid he's going to think I left forever, or that I don't like him anymore or something. And coming home to visit him will mean having to see my parents, and dress like a girl. I'm actually getting misty-eyed rightnow thinking about it. I'm such a softy. Hah...but anyway, just think about why you're going to school and all the good you'll get from it. And be glad your loved ones are people (lol), which means they know where you're going, and are probably very proud of you. And remember you can always get advice here, or just get cheered up a little. -hug-

Brady, I am so happy to hear from you. It is so exciting starting a new beginning in a new place and you are going to university which is really great. I remember how excited I was to move into my first apartment. I was so psyched I walked around just amazed that it was mine. 

It is also very frightening, you are now responsible for yourself. You have to make sure the bills are paid and your meals are cooked. This is a really big unknown. You are going to be alright. Yes, people will continue with their lives but all that means is that when you see each other again you will have so much to talk about. Make sure and let us know how the interview goes; we will be rooting for you.

Didn't you just get back from New York? So it isn't new being away from loved ones. You have already proved you can do it. The great thing about loved ones is that even if you are apart that doesn't change how they feel about you or you them. You can always go home again.

While I tried to find one of those little guys giving a hug but I can't so sorry but I can only send mental hugs. Take care of yourself okay?

->-bleeped-<-boy

I remember I stayed on campus WAY closer to home than where you're going, in freshman year. I didn't miss ANYBODY and I had a blast with all that alone time. But whenever I'd go home, I'd see how much my baby cousins had grown or all the experiences I'd missed out on, and I got sad that the world was still going on without me. My room was untouched for the most part, but everything was still changing with the people at home.

It's hard that first year, but you make friends sooner than you know it. Now I want to be with my friends more than my family most of the time  And it is scary, because for me it was just yesterday that I moved into that freshman dorm and it's almost as though tomorrow (or graduation at the end of the year I mean) will bring me one step closer to moving clear across the country. I'm ecstatic...and terrified because I will be in your shoes. I will not know anyone, and I'll be way far from home.

Emoboi is right though, you still have us!! And you should call home as often as you like or send emails. You have some way to keep in contact with your boyfriend over the next couple of weeks, right? That will be comforting as well.

Good luck man, and good luck on the job interview!!

I feel much better now.  Why?  I think it's because I know that I'm not alone.  I felt like such a baby for being scared, now I think it might be normal.  I will def. be leaving on Monday however.  I just need one last day with the family.  If I'm meant to have that job, it will happen.  If it can't wait one more day, it's not the job for me. 

Yes ->-bleeped-<-boy, I just got back from NY.  Heck, I even spent a looooong time away from home in San Antonio (where I will be living) working.  BUT, I was never alone.  I was always surrounded by family (in New York and occasionally San Antonio) and co-workers/friends.  This time around, it will be more empty.

Thanks guys and gals, you guys are a much bigger help than you could ever know.  I love you guys.

I'm not much help, I'm weird.  I loved going away and starting over in a new place, new apartment, etc.  Spending time alone, putting my stuff up, buying furniture, etc.

School will start soon enough. Maybe you'll have some cool neighbors.  Or go hang out on campus and see who else is there early.

Jay

I moved out of my Christchurch home for the first time when I was 19 to attend my Animation school up in Auckland. Thats around a 2 hour plane ride or around, 24 hours worth of car travelling cause you have to take the Ferry across Cook Strait between the South and North Islands. It was the first time I'd ever been on my own, I kept on expecting to have some sort of breakdown... but I never did. The hardest thing I had to come to grips with was not being able to just turn around and 'chat' with someone of my family.

But being on my own helped me out heaps, I was able to focus on myself for once (I pretty much was the one who made dinner for my family of six from age 13-14 till I left home, cause my Mum worked) and I was able to come to a better understanding of my gender identity and sexuality. It helps that I effin LOVE my school XD

Uhm... don't know if my experience helps you or anything... just, its not always as bad as you might think it is and the things you miss the most are usually the littlest things.

Okay guys, I'm FREAKING out.

I said goodbye to my grandfather tonight, which wasn't terribly sad.  But then I went to my dad's house...I'm not close with him at ALL.  I showed up a little earlier than planned, so his beer buddies were still there hanging out. I hung out for a bit, then I was leaving, he teared up in front of his beer buddies.  I know what he is thinking, "My little girl is going away."  For some reason, that doesn't even piss me off.  Just makes me sad. I had to leave before bursting into tears.  Then, as soon as I got in my car, I started crying uncontrollably, to the point where I couldn't even breathe.

I don't know how I will say goodbye to my mom in the morning.  She's my absolute best friend.  I'm so tempted to just stay home and go to community college for the next 4 years.  I know I have to leave sometime.  I know I should get to San Antonio and do my job interview, but I could easily stay here until the day before classes.  BUT that would mean more goodbyes for my father.  The only reason why I'm going is to be with my boyfriend, because there is no way we can be together here (too complicated for the public and the family).  I'm seriously asking myself "What are you doing leaving Brady? Are you nuts?" I know my mom secretly is dying inside, but she's trying to keep on a brave face for me.  I know if I decided to stay, although it's a financial burden, she'd be delighted.

Please help immediately I'm terrified

You're right that you've got to leave sometime. And as much as your mom wants you to stay, if she's at all typical, she has hopes that you'll be successful in life. And if you stay and go to community college, she'll be happy, but eventually she might wonder if she held you back. And that sucks. So I know it's tough, but know that it's the best thing for both you and your family. And I feel for you, man. Got photos of your family to take with you, if that would help? But anyway, you're a cool guy. You'll be able to find at least a couple new friends to distract you at first, when it's hardest. Goodluck.

Okay, take a few deep breaths, honey. *hugs*

It will be hard to say goodbye, I won't lie. But you aren't leaving forever and it's not as though you're never going to see either of them again. Think of it as a vacation for while, not as a separation. Don't think of it as a "Goodbye", think of it as an "I'll see you later." Or "Just you see how far I've come the next time I see you."

And plan out how to keep in contact with your parents. Make sure that you guys can call each other whenever you need to. Make sure you both know that you aren't going to lose touch with each other, wherever you are.

You can do this, Brady. Believe in yourself, honey.

Brady, I have absolutely NO experience in leaving loved family members the way you are doing, but I have a LOT of experience with fear. And I can tell you that in my experience, I've seen pretty much two choices: I could control my fear just enough so that I could do the things I wanted to do and was afraid to do, or I could let the fear control and dominate me.

Going with the first choice is scary as hell, but the second choice is so much worse because when I chickened out--and that's how I saw it--I felt no self-respect for myself and started obsessing over the thing that I was afraid to do. It's as if all of the brave and gutsy things I had done in the past meant nothing. I hate feeling that way. As for the first choice, the fear actually does not last long, and you maintain your self-respect and get so many other good things out of it.

If you do the gutsy thing, you can always stay in touch with loved ones and see them when you're able. You'll have a shot at the job, you'll be able to live with your boyfriend, and you'll be off on a terrific adventure. And you know what? Your parents will hurt some, but you are an adult now. Your moving away was pretty much inevitable. They know this, and you know this.

Your boyfriend can't be with you while you take this step, right? Well, pretend that he is. If you're driving off to school or whatever, pretend that he's right there in the passenger seat, rooting you on, making jokes, telling you how wonderful and brave and sexy you are.

The last day, when you're saying good-bye, is THE HARDEST. I know this from the experiences of some of my friends. And the first couple of days in a new situation are also hard. Once you get past them, you'll be able to move forward.

The fear will peak, and then it will start to dissipate, and then you'll start enjoying yourself. Trust me on this.

My partner has a great bit of wisdom that I rely on whether I'm preparing for qualifying exams or getting lost after taking the wrong offramp. When I think of him saying it in his gentle, reasonable voice, it brings a smile to my face and dispels some of the tension.

"Think of it as an adventure."

You're never saying good bye, at least not from what it sounds like. It's just a see you later We all have to do it sooner or later, and yeah it makes you sad....but you'll be much happier for taking this path to San Antonio in the long run. Don't think about your short term happiness. If not today, you'll have to leave home SOMEday (unless you plan on being that 39 year old guy in his mom's basement LOL). Sorry, failed attempt at humor.

Anyway, it's now or never bro It's scary that first time leaving the nest, but you'll be happier for it. Taking that first step to San Antonio and that job means a brighter step toward your future. You can't worry about leaving your family forever Here, take a few hugs

Here's an additional suggestion to what GR said. Make a POSTER on one of your new walls at your apartment of family pictures if you have to. And you know what? Do what some of the kids at my college do. Internet chat with the family Try web cam chatting, you get to see AND talk to them. It's probably last minute, but it's always a great gift between family members.

I'm still scared sh**less, but all of yall always help a LOT.  I'm sure tomorrow night I will be on here needing to talk so please get on tomorrow night (American night time) lol.  Wish me luck. *hugs*

By the way, that web cam thing is an amazing idea!

Going aways to college is a bit scary, but start hanging out at campus spots, and you will make new friends.  Give it a month and you'll be wondering why you ever doubted it.

THAT'S IT.  I can't leave today anyway because of storms all across Texas.  Why the hell am I leaving this early anyway? I'm setting myself up for failure!  No one even moves in until the 24th, which is when all of the campus student activities begin.  Screw this, I'm leaving in a week.

I know I will do much better if I get down there and I'm around other people, not if I'm alone for a week. Plus, if I go in a week, there will only be a 2 week time gap until I see my family again (going to NY Sept. 5th). I got my mail put on hold (since I have many packages arriving this week lol).  I know I'm a weenie and I really will go eventually, but I think this is the right thing to do.