I know how you feel, Deniz. I feel the same way, except the other way around. People want inside of my vagina. Men can be terribly vicious and will do anything to get in that hole. Shoving things in there. I've been molested (when I was a young child). I know what it's like to have things forcibly invade the inside of my body. I never even wanted that hole to begin with. On top of that, I can't pleasure those I love. I do not have the right equipment. Sure, I can use my hands and my mouth, but then I'm no better at pleasuring anyone than a lesbian (no offense, ladies). I don't have that extra quality that all other men have (except for other FtMs like me, of course).
I feel terrible. I wish there was a way to ease your pain. You feel like you're missing something very important to you, and you've also lost someone important to you as well. I have not lost anyone as a result of not having a penis. Instead, I have never been able to be with anyone. Gay men don't want me, and girls want to play with me like I'm a girl too. I just can't manage to get anyone to see me as a man sexually. I don't think it'll ever really happen. Even if someone sees me as a man socially, they'll know my penis isn't real for one reason or another (whether it's a prosthetic or surgical).
I feel like I'm loosing hope too. Try to hang in there, Deniz.
