My tears still don't come out anymore...

I think I'm desensitized...

They are left on the verge, and then don't bother leaping out cause they are too apathetic.

For one Xen hon.

#1 I believe that maybe you want to drop what the parents feel and think, especially the negative stuff. You should be concentrating on what your desires and needs are and what you need to do to resolve or attain them.

#2 You need to begin thinking about Xen. I believe that in order for you to come into your true self there are many pieces of the old personality, attitudes, and perceptions that will need to be recalibrated or readjusted. Take a serious look as to how you wish to live your new life that lies ahead of you.

QuoteSecond... I know exactly where you're coming from. Everyones perspective is that Im a guy wanting to be a girl, and I DON'T WANNA EFFING DO THIS, I HAVE TO!!!!! BIG DIFFERENCE. Ugh...

#3Yes, this I quite agree with. This is probably the hardest part to decide on before starting transitioning.

Cindy

I cried last night, I was sobbing and my throat tightened up because I'm scared.  I'm scared of dating and trying to get into a romantic relationship with someone.  I don't know the first thing about dating or sex.  I don't know what the social cues are for dating; I'm not even sure how to go about it.   

I'm terrified of becoming another victim in a long line of my sisters if I even attempt to have sex with someone.   

And part of me thinks that my Orchi won't be enough, that other lesbians think I'm not one of them b/c I don't have a vagina, and that nobody will accept my anatomy.   

So I cry. 

Jenn

Quote from: fae_reborn on August 31, 2008, 10:50:20 AM
I cried last night, I was sobbing and my throat tightened up because I'm scared.  I'm scared of dating and trying to get into a romantic relationship with someone.  I don't know the first thing about dating or sex.  I don't know what the social cues are for dating; I'm not even sure how to go about it.   

I'm terrified of becoming another victim in a long line of my sisters if I even attempt to have sex with someone.   

And part of me thinks that my Orchi won't be enough, that other lesbians think I'm not one of them b/c I don't have a vagina, and that nobody will accept my anatomy.   

So I cry. 

Jenn

Oh sweety. Shhhhh.

((((((((((((((((((Fae))))))))))))))))))))

As the song says, you may be crying but you're certainly not crying alone. You've got your sisters here who care and understand.

Stealth

Quote from: Stealthgrrl on August 31, 2008, 11:33:29 AM
As the song says, you may be crying but you're certainly not crying alone. You've got your sisters here who care and understand.

I know sweetie, and I thank you but it just hurts so much.  I had a more in-depth post but nobody replied so I feel like I'm alone...

Jenn

Quote from: fae_reborn on August 31, 2008, 11:37:12 AM
I know sweetie, and I thank you but it just hurts so much.  I had a more in-depth post but nobody replied so I feel like I'm alone...

Jenn

Hugs Jenn!! There is someone out there who will be a very fortunate person to be partnered with you!

Z

Quote from: Zythyra on August 31, 2008, 12:50:39 PM

Quote from: fae_reborn on August 31, 2008, 11:37:12 AM
I know sweetie, and I thank you but it just hurts so much.  I had a more in-depth post but nobody replied so I feel like I'm alone...

Jenn

Hugs Jenn!! There is someone out there who will be a very fortunate person to be partnered with you!

Z

Thank you Z, I'm lucky to have sisters like you!

Jenn

Hi Jenn hon
I am here as well if you should need me. This may not be what you want to hear but I beleive, and this is my thoughts and feelings on this only. If you are planing on going out with guys, that is fine and dandy, or if you are planing to go out with another female, like in a lesbian relationship, I would suggest that having the proper plumbing down there could greatly reduce any detrimental consequences to your being. I can only suggest you talk to your gender therapist. As for the dating scene hon, I believe there are a good many of the girls here who can give you some pointers when the time is right.

Cindy 

Quote from: fae_reborn on August 31, 2008, 10:50:20 AM
I cried last night, I was sobbing and my throat tightened up because I'm scared.  I'm scared of dating and trying to get into a romantic relationship with someone.  I don't know the first thing about dating or sex.  I don't know what the social cues are for dating; I'm not even sure how to go about it.   

I'm terrified of becoming another victim in a long line of my sisters if I even attempt to have sex with someone.   

And part of me thinks that my Orchi won't be enough, that other lesbians think I'm not one of them b/c I don't have a vagina, and that nobody will accept my anatomy.   

So I cry. 

Jenn

We're here with you.

Lane

Quote from: cindybc on August 31, 2008, 04:30:04 PM
Hi Jenn hon
I am here as well if you should need me. This may not be what you want to hear but I beleive, and this is my thoughts and feelings on this only. If you are planing on going out with guys, that is fine and dandy, or if you are planing to go out with another female, like in a lesbian relationship, I would suggest that having the proper plumbing down there could greatly reduce any detrimental consequences to your being. I can only suggest you talk to your gender therapist. As for the dating scene hon, I believe there are a good many of the girls here who can give you some pointers when the time is right.

Cindy 

Thank you Cindy for your support, but you're right that's not what I wanted to hear.  If you're inferring what I'm thinking, lemme just say that I can't afford and don't wish to have SRS to get the "proper" plumbing, whatever you mean by "proper," b/c it's too invasive and the procedure scares me too much.  I'm a woman with or without a vagina, and I won't have anyone tell me otherwise.  Sorry I'm not trying to be a bitch if I'm coming across that way, but that is how I feel.

Jenn

Hi Jenn, then there is not much more I can suggest to you and I pray you forgive me if I have offended you in any way, I have not meant to do so. All I can say is please be so very careful before making a decision on your choice of a partner.

Hon, I was scared to death of having SRS, like I mean sick to my stomach scared, but then I made up my mind just like I did when I decided to transition, I had little choice in the mater and once the decision was made there was no quiting. I can understand the fear of the surgery, that is only something you can come to terms with this. But your future life can be greatly altered by this decision, and as for a lack of funds I can understand how that can put a crimp on your plans as well. All I can say is be certain before you make a choice. I will send prayers that all goes well and as it should, and I will be around.

Cindy

I don't want to hijack the "Crying" thread, but Jenn clearly doesn't feel that she "has little choice." I admire her moxy. Haven't we all had enough of being defined, from birth, by what's between our legs? Does it make any sense at all to do that to ourselves as well?

Quote from: cindybc on August 31, 2008, 05:48:39 PM
I can understand the fear of the surgery, that is only something you can come to terms with this. But your future life can be greatly altered by this decision, and as for a lack of funds I can understand how that can put a crimp on your plans as well. All I can say is be certain before you make a choice.

I am certain that this Orchi is the right choice, and I'm sticking with my decision Cindy.  What I said earlier was simply my expression of fears regarding a possible partner accepting my body, not doubt about what surgeries I will/will not have.  I know my life can be greatly altered, and it will be altered in such a positive way with this Orchi.  Funding is not the only reason why I will not pursue SRS.  I've had one very invasive surgery in my life and it took months for me to recover, and scarred me for years during my adolescence; I won't undergo another invasive surgery.  The Orchi will be as far as I will go, and that in itself will be a big enough procedure, even though it is minor in a medical sense.

Frankly Cindy, I need to echo Stealth's remark.  And now I'm going to be a bitch: I'm not you, Cindy.  I'm not going to have SRS, and I don't need to defend my decision to you or anyone else.  I don't feel you're "suggesting" anything, I feel that you're forcing your views about the need for SRS, and the need to have a vagina to be a woman on me, in an effort to pressure me into it and that is uncalled for.  SRS is not the Holy Grail that I want.

Jenn

Quote from: fae_reborn on August 31, 2008, 04:42:28 PM

Quote from: cindybc on August 31, 2008, 04:30:04 PM
Hi Jenn hon
I am here as well if you should need me. This may not be what you want to hear but I beleive, and this is my thoughts and feelings on this only. If you are planing on going out with guys, that is fine and dandy, or if you are planing to go out with another female, like in a lesbian relationship, I would suggest that having the proper plumbing down there could greatly reduce any detrimental consequences to your being. I can only suggest you talk to your gender therapist. As for the dating scene hon, I believe there are a good many of the girls here who can give you some pointers when the time is right.

Cindy 

Thank you Cindy for your support, but you're right that's not what I wanted to hear.  If you're inferring what I'm thinking, lemme just say that I can't afford and don't wish to have SRS to get the "proper" plumbing, whatever you mean by "proper," b/c it's too invasive and the procedure scares me too much.  I'm a woman with or without a vagina, and I won't have anyone tell me otherwise.  Sorry I'm not trying to be a bitch if I'm coming across that way, but that is how I feel.

Jenn

TELL 'EM GIRL!

Hi Jenn, Sorry I never intended to impose any undesirable issues on anyone. I guess I really don't get the big picture, sorry. I will refrain from posting on the different gender variances on a grey scale, or any other related subjects. Least ways I will wait until I have a better understanding before jumping in. So I will keep my royal nosiness out of stuff I don't completely understand. Therefore I will cease and desist posting on this thread or any other threads with related topics. I will still send prayers that all goes well for you.

Cindy 

Sorry, I seem to make same mistake.  I get distracted and forget.  Thinking maybe i need take break from the forum.

Hope things get better for you

Hi Aiden, I agree, well at least maybe take a rest from here for a while.

Cindy

Not everyone is me. Period. And after a few years on this forum that should be evident to anyone who's been here for awhile. The better not to say anything at all policy works well if someone doesn't "get" what another is saying.

However one goes about his or her transition is a very personal and totally valid way to go about it. I don't have to live with their choices nor they mine. Period.

The desire for everyone else to "be like me to be valid" shows me to be lacking in my own sense of validity as simply me, imo.

Often it helps to actually have some knowledge of the person in question before I begin to give advice -- unless, of course, I am somehow psychic or prophetic and can "know" exactly where they are coming from by simply seeing a name and avatar on a post.

I cannot do that, perhaps others can.

Jenn has things that bother her, don't we all? If I approach her with "you should do it my way" then of course I am not concerned as much about her as I am about me.

I believe that's a lesson we could all try to carefully learn. No need to withdraw from the board or from anyone on the board. Just a need to try and find ways to understand that another isn't necessarily on the same road as myself. It can be done, even if I say his or her way isn't/or wasn't for me.

OK, that's my $.02.

Nichole

not sure who your talking to, I was saying perhaps I should withdraw because I can't seem to stay on topic anywhere and I'm so wrapped up in my own problems I have trouble realizing someone else is having problems as well.

I was talking about myself as you can see from the way the post is worded. If it touched anyone else I am sure it wasn't meant to do so. I often find that just using "i" and "me" instead of "you" "them" can be an effective way to have people know than can take or leave any advice of any way I personally might go about something.

Alden, I really don't think you are alone in having all sorts of personal things go on in your life. It would just be my guess that we all do. I know I do. Sometimes it's good for me just to bring them to the board and write about them, even if they don't apply to what someone else's problems are.

Try not to be too hard on yourself. This is the sort of time that can be very "distracting" for anyone from anyone else's main problems. You do just fine.

Nichole