This is most frustrating, I suddenly am in fear to go out in public. Already my teachers know about me, I told them to help avaid to much trouble. But it seems  no matter where I turn I find myself in fear to go out.

School: Besides the actual act, I have an ex-ranger on top of the fact that I will have to deal with being a patient and being a rescuer for my tests and practice.

Home: Well my landlord knows along with the other tenats, but none of wich speak english as a primary language, and all are on my way to being a friend with 'Eric".

Therapy:The train and subway, need I say more?

Support group:Same

Work: It is a retirment home, in light of my grandpa's reaction, the only saving grace in my mind is the fact I work on the psyke section.

This is really frustrating me, in D.C. I went out plenty after my discharge. In Chicago I can't seem to put the fear totally aside. Next week I told my Prof I would show one day in female attire.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Do you live in the city?  I am considering going to Chicago due to the states gender identity laws.  From what I understand there should be some clubs that you could go out in.

Luana,

Can you be more specific about what you are afraid of?

Chaunte

Quote from: Chaunte on June 04, 2006, 04:04:57 PM
Luana,

Can you be more specific about what you are afraid of?

Chaunte

From her comments, I think she meant that she is afraid to go out as female.

Melissa

Quote from: Luana on June 03, 2006, 07:18:49 PM
This is most frustrating, I suddenly am in fear to go out in public. Already my teachers know about me, I told them to help avaid to much trouble. But it seems  no matter where I turn I find myself in fear to go out.

School: Besides the actual act, I have an ex-ranger on top of the fact that I will have to deal with being a patient and being a rescuer for my tests and practice.

Home: Well my landlord knows along with the other tenats, but none of wich speak english as a primary language, and all are on my way to being a friend with 'Eric".

Therapy:The train and subway, need I say more?

Support group:Same

Work: It is a retirment home, in light of my grandpa's reaction, the only saving grace in my mind is the fact I work on the psyke section.

This is really frustrating me, in D.C. I went out plenty after my discharge. In Chicago I can't seem to put the fear totally aside. Next week I told my Prof I would show one day in female attire.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Hey there Luana

You could probably attribute your fear to anxiety.  We all experience it at one time or another and it's usually brought on by the unknown, an unexplained lack of confidence, new and unfamiliar surroundings, people, social settings etc.  It can be daunting, it's bad enough coping with those situations as it is.  Adding trans issues to the pot just complicates and aggravates the situation even more.

As you know I live full time and I'm very, very comfortable to the point that there is nothing that fazes me anymore.  However there are times when my confidence level drops a little and the little worries creep in.  Take yesterday, I drove our company driving team (four couples) to the Provincial Driving Championship (First time for Stephanie).  Company drivers from all over the Province (107), company staff, the big brass from head office were there.  I was one of the driving course captains and I was required to supervise 5 judges (strangers) during the competition.  Although i was very nervous I shouldn't have been, i just went forward as I always have and the fear subsided and quickly went away.

I think that given your situation what you are experiencing is quite normal and that you should not loose heart.  Try and put the irrational fears behind you as there is really no grounds for them.  Maybe trying not to take on so much at once and simplifying your daily routine by trying to do those things/activities  that you used to do in D.C. It may help with your confidence and dispel the fears.  Easier said than done huh

Just my thoughts.

Steph

Sounds like you have some issues to discuss with your gender theapist before going full time, Luana.

You can deal with stares and quizzical looks by smiling and walking right on by.  If you have real fear for your safety, you might not want to put yourself out there without advice from your therapist.  Perhaps you need to take things one step and one venue at a time.

Robyn

I agree with what Stephanie suggested, Luana.  I wonder if all the recent changes that you've gone through combined with your family issues, simply are catching up to you.  The combined stress of transition on top of all the other stressors seems to be near (at?) a breaking point.  That's why, maybe, I think (not knowing absolutely everything, of course) that you've hit this "wall."  Maybe you need to take a step back, slow down the massive upheavals as much as possible simply so you can catch your breath?

It seems to me that you've been under some major stress these past months and maybe you need a break somehow.  Once you regain your bearings, I think you'll feel much better going out the way you want to.

helen 

Hmm, well it seems two things for the time being have been solved for me...

Last night I went to my support group as a woman, first time here in chicago and I did pretty good. One car stopped to ask me what gender I truly was, and one stopped because i'm 'pretty'.

The down side is that I had apparently underestimated just how much my landlord understood. Last night he was pretty shook up and this morning was willing to pay my months rent and security deposit ($700) to move out TODAY. I told him I would move in my thirty day grace period as is granted by law. However he did not like that, nor did he want to sign an official eviction notice. (which I had written for him that included trangender issues as reason for eviction.) After arguing with him for 30 min, then another tenent who I had considered a friend, I called the police when they threatened to move me out 'one way or the other'.

So then the police show up, and spend ANOTHER 30 min trying to tell these two...gentlemen that they HAD to give me thirty days by law and I  could have them arrested and sued if they even touched my belongings.  Man that felt good! Of course, the tenent who had me considering a friend kept insisting that he felt unsafe around me, and was worried I would sabotage his things or safety. He even was threataning to get a restraining order against me! What, did I turn into a wearwolf overnight?!

So due to this stress, i'm moving to an equal opportunity housing complex, and I have dropped out of my college class due to stress levels and the fact I have now missed two days in total. One for my job, one for this mess. On the birght side I had my tuition transfered to fall semester so I only have to pay the difference due to cost increses. My boss is also willing to give me a pay increase to help me out (10.00hr) and willing to have me work nights, which will help in the fall for my classes.

Right now Luana has to take a break from the world for a week so I can sort my life out...yet again.

Don't worry yall, i'm beaten but not broken, in the end I was planning to move, just not like this. So as long as they don't try anything...stupid, I should be fine for awile.

That pisses me off to no evail.
I think it is in your best interest to move considering the scenerio .
You said the police were called was there a police report filed???
Just a suggestion if there was get a copy. CYA in case they do try something
And I would seriously consider sueing this discrimenatory 
After you move. saying you only moved because you feared for your safety based upon that nights events
So called "normal" people are a tripp they always seem to have this
"It's OK as long has I dont see it"
attitude

Luana sweetie Im glad you have the attitude that this is not going to hold you back. Keep your head up... stay in school the more you succeed the more you'll piss The "normal" people off!

If they try anything please let us\me know!

Willing to kick  at the drop of a dime,
CHYNNA

 *Giggles*

Thanks, but I don't think I could sue them, as I seem to have fallen for the same trick as before. Since there was no official lease, only the fact that he accepted money and addmited to it is helping me. Or does that in itself count? I know it is standerd procedure to file a police report and the police admitted to a paper trail when the tenent insisted. I mean really, what was he expecting, me being dragged to jail?

Regardless, I fully plan to be gone by weeks end, I think I can make that happen. If I can get alittle payback along the way...

I'm not vengful by nature, but what these two...men are doing is both insulting and degrading. So if anyone knows a way I can exact my pound of flesh in this illinois subberb...

Hmm, a perk of my new job is the ability to talk to a lawyer one time for free...