When I fill out applications, I find myself....checking Male before I realize my legal information doesn't say the same. I'm not doing it on purpose, I think my mind's just....I don't know.

Despite that, sometimes I find myself thinking and such in terms of [birthname] 50% of the time, rather than Nathaniel. Here I am correcting everyone else, and I still have to correct myself about my name (and sometimes pronouns), even though my gender is undeniable subconsciously.

Anyone else find themselves thinking the same stuff?

ugh yes. >_<  in my head, sometimes i say "she" or "jenness".  its annoying.  i think were just going through the same thing as everyone else.  even though we know, we slip up out of pure habit.

I do that all the time. Dreading college applications for the same reason.

I find myself looking for the 'other' box and getting majorly annoyed when there is not one. I feel awful being forced to tick a box, just feels wrong. Yet I still refer to myself as a male on occassion or saying stuff like "I'm the man". Comes out natural enough yet does not feel so when it gets out.

Takes a while.  It took even longer when referring to myself in a different language- seems the feminine pronouns were harder to change then.

In applications...

Well, it's all tough. See, when I'm going to apply to get a job at Walgreens, I'm going to ask to speak with the manager personally. They need to know I'm transgendered. They cannot work with me if they don't. So they need to know about it. I just sometimes worry that outing myself could be putting myself in danger. I'm kind of worried. I'll ask my dad before I do it. But if we feel that I am safe, and that one of my fellow employees won't try to axe murder me, than I will make sure they know that I am FtM and that I wish to be addressed as Daniel (or Dan... only people I really like can call me Danny!).

The application will say "female," as that is my legal information. They also need to know that in case of a medical emergency.

When I think about myself, I talk to myself in my mind. "Okay, Dan, you gotta get to work now." Or, "What are you gonna do now, Dan? You should have gotten that doughnut and now you're hungry." I hardly ever use my birthname anymore. In fact, there are TWO Sara(h)s in my class, so people say that name a lot. I don't even flinch anymore. I only respond to Dan.

My identity has never really been attached to a name. It's more like a feeling of my personal being. "This is me." I don't know. It's just a feeling I have.

Posted on: September 02, 2008, 09:19:31 PM

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Quote from: freespeechz on September 02, 2008, 10:03:28 PMI do that all the time. Dreading college applications for the same reason.

Your college might have a "decline to state" option. Mine did. And I selected it. I was questioning my transition at the time.

I loathe facebook status updates for this very reason. When I'm feeling like I'm not passing, or my boyfriend says something unintentionally insensitive about my identity, if I happen to ponder updating my facebook status around that time, I'll sometimes think "she." And that just bums me out more. -sigh- Vicious cycle. And yeah, I hate forms. As for job applications, I'm going to put my preferred name and out myself either to a manager after getting the job, or to HR. I'm looking at pretty accepting places, though...like Barnes and Noble. Though I do live in the South.

I think of myself as "she" a lot of the time out of pure habit. I've never applied the word "girl" to myself, (in fact, I always avoided it when I was younger, opting for "kid" or "person" instead), but "she" just stuck for some reason. I think of myself as John, though, and have since I was fourteen. I've never identified with my given name, and changed it, in my own mind, at least, as soon as I realized this.

I feel a bit angry at myself every time I think "she". I'm making an effort to change it, so it will be easier to assert myself when I want others to change as well.

I've always checked "male" on those forms without thinking, and then, realising that I have to choose "female", I feel like I'm lying even though I know that's what my legal information says.

I don't use name or gendered pronouns in my mind very often, but when I do it's always my chosen name and "he". Most of the time I think in terms of "I" and "you", though I do use my name sometimes and I always see myself as <chosen name>, not <birth name>.

I've always loathed the word "girl". Just hearing it used to make me really angry when I was younger, though nowadays I don't really care unless it's applied to me.

yep.

action posts were handled for the longest time with "dances in my chair" instead of gender pronouns. I try to remember that im out to most of my friends, but it takes practice.

I'm a "he" in my mind. But I've been thinking this way for years, long before I knew what transgender was...

Hmm...So you have to choose "she" on applications, just cause your legal stuff? Wow.. I always check "Mr."  Guess Im not supposed to

Quote from: Jack Daniels on September 03, 2008, 12:36:10 PMHmm...So you have to choose "she" on applications, just cause your legal stuff? Wow.. I always check "Mr."  Guess Im not supposed to

For legal reasons, I tend to select female. But I will discuss my gender identity 'off record' with whoever deals with those papers.

name stuff took about six months for me to get used to... and while the pronoun stuff was easy for me i will admit that i sometimes call myself "mommy" in my head when i talk to my cats/pick them up.  that's weird, its the only remaining tie really.

Quote from: Jack Daniels on September 03, 2008, 12:36:10 PM
Hmm...So you have to choose "she" on applications, just cause your legal stuff? Wow.. I always check "Mr."  Guess Im not supposed to

I call myself "Mr." but feel legally obligated to check "F."

I guess that's a little bit of a contradiction if I do both on one form.

Counting the days until my legal name change, so I can get my name and gender marker changed on my driver's license.  Only need a therapist's letter in my state for the gender marker change. 

Then I have to wait until top surgery for the rest of it.

But yeah, I think of myself as Jonathan, not *female name* every day; it's like a stab back to reality to see and have to respond to my female name (a name I've never liked anyway).

I still haven't asked people I'm out to to call me Jay with male pronouns; waiting for the name change first, then hope the T kicks in so I at least look more like a he before  I ask people to call me by male pronouns.

When I'm with my dogs, I call them daddy's dogs, and tell them Daddy loves his dogs.  Kinda private practice for my head, LOL.  I ordered them new dog tags that say Jonathan on them as the pet owner.

In the hospital I did get 2 nurses to call me Jay.  The first one asked if I had a nickname, so I said yes, it's Jay; she told the next nurse in line, who also called me Jay.  Though they probably thought they were calling me Jaye!  LOL

Jay

I'm glad to read that I am not the only one who has trouble getting his pronouns right for himself.
I was afraid that because I often think of myself as "she" and "her", I might not be a true transsexual. I already realised it is force of habit, but if I want to be a man so badly, how could I mess that up so often, right? So I never told anyone, until now, because you guys are so honest about it as well. I'm glad this topic was started.

I've only recently started to call myself Vincent in my head, to see how it sounds. So far, I like it. It makes it easier for me to call myself "he".

Cheers,
PolarBear.

The last several years, I've studiously avoided referring to myself in the third person so I don't have to face the he/she dilemma. My partner never refers to me in the third person, even thought I would kinda like him to, just so he can refer to me as "he" or "him" every once in awhile. For my ego.

Yesterday he made one of those rare third-person references. And called me "she."

Sigh.

Quote from: Arch on September 06, 2008, 12:03:00 PM
Yesterday he made one of those rare third-person references. And called me "she."
Sigh.

Ugh I went to my first karate class last week as Nathan, had the instructor slip up and catch himself, "she-he, I mean." Then today I went back for my next lesson and it was a never ending stream of "she" "her" "she."  I know your pain Arch.

Quote from: PolarBear on September 06, 2008, 11:05:06 AM
I'm glad to read that I am not the only one who has trouble getting his pronouns right for himself.
I was afraid that because I often think of myself as "she" and "her", I might not be a true transsexual. I already realised it is force of habit, but if I want to be a man so badly, how could I mess that up so often, right? So I never told anyone, until now, because you guys are so honest about it as well. I'm glad this topic was started.

I've only recently started to call myself Vincent in my head, to see how it sounds. So far, I like it. It makes it easier for me to call myself "he".

Cheers,
PolarBear.

Same here. Now I've gotten better at calling myself "he" in my head than I was before. The personal doubts still linger.

Quote from: Arch on September 06, 2008, 12:03:00 PM
The last several years, I've studiously avoided referring to myself in the third person so I don't have to face the he/she dilemma. My partner never refers to me in the third person, even thought I would kinda like him to, just so he can refer to me as "he" or "him" every once in awhile. For my ego.

Yeah i kept turning them into second-person which is just wrong lol.

Also... anyone besides me accidentally refer to themselves as MtF?

Yes, I'm trans, and if elwood had my way I would say that I'm not a boy yet. but between my mental gender and the socialisation I received, I have developed a weird approach... when i do what makes me look cisgendered i feel like this:



and get treated like she did too.