HI, I recently came to realize that I am (most likely) a M2F TS. However it seems my doubts are pretty normal, I just don't fit the "typical" profile. I don't remember thinking I should be a girl when I was younger, at least not till i was in highschool. I had dressed up as a child in my sisters clothes and I do remember liking when my sister would put makeup on me...I wounder if we still have the pictures we took. I remember playing with my little ponies, and dressing up barbie with my sister, and reading through her teen magazines everytime she got a new one...when I was in highschool I would take any oportunity to add a little fiminine touch to what I wore usually disguising it amongst my goth clothing to make it more "acceptable". after highschool I stayed out of college (untill now) and went through quite a few jobs, including clothing stores. one of which I got fired from and banned from the mall it was in for stealing girls clothes, lying to my parents about it, thinking I was a transvestite and quite ashamed of it but I couldn't deny my need to dress up which I would only do in private due to fear of criticism. I spent quite a lot of time not realizing that trasvestitism is much more sexually related then my situation was. and never made a connection of how feminine my brain works...I've always thought and many people I've brought it upto agree that I'm a lesbian in a guys body. more and more lately I've found my body hair, facial structure, and pretty much anything masculine about me unapealing while at the same time finding more pride in my feminine personality traits. I cant even count the number of time I've thought how nice it would be to just hack off my boys and be a woman. Within the last year I have come across information about transexuallism and have become 95% sure that this is who I really am. Since this discovery it amazes me how much happier I am with myself, and understanding why I've been the way I've been, and what it means for the future. I realize how scary transition has potential to be, but I think it would be quite worth it to finally feel right. Im just now in the process of finding a better paying job to afford therapy and go from there. I do want to make sure I'm not diluting myself with a fantasy, but as I read through so many others stories I become more and more sure of who I am, Ellissa, me...(brings a smile to my face to say that)

Anyway I'm very happy to join such a positive, supportive, friendly community...

<edited> if you read stephanies post youll see I made a typo....just made the corection.

Hello Ellissa Ray.

Welcome to Susan's.  I think in your post you may have meant the you are MtF not FtM as you indicated   Anyway I'm pleased that you have found us and I hope that you will enjoy your stay and take part in the forums where you can.  Please read the rules, and be sure to check out the Chat area, the Links area, here in the forums, and of course the Wiki.  I believe that you will find enough information there to occupy you for quite a while .

Don't be afraid to participate and express yourself, ask questions and seek advice cause that's what Susan's is all about.  So relax you're among friends.

Chat later.

Steph

oh yes t F2m was a typo, oops.

Quote from: Stephanie Craxford on June 09, 2006, 05:18:41 AM
I believe that you will find enough information there to occupy you for quite a while .

oh boy do i know, i spent so much time reading and finding out as much as i could, still so much left...

Quote from: Stephanie Craxford on June 09, 2006, 05:18:41 AM
Don't be afraid to participate and express yourself, ask questions and seek advice cause that's what Susan's is all about.  So relax you're among friends.

I haven't come out to anyone yet, other than here and one other forum, so it will be nice to have all of you to talk to, especially before I let the cat out of the bag. So thanks for having me aboard.

Welcome Ellissa.  I'm MTF myself and at first I thought I wasn't typical either.  Then I learned that most TS go through a long period of denial (just like me) and much of the early years we don't make the connection that "I have a female brain and I'm trapped in this body".  There are some people who experience this, but it is not the majority.  I think the "typical" definition was falsely perpetuated because as recently as 10-15 years ago, therapists expected this story or they wouldn't allow transition.

Now one thing I didn't do is try too hard while growing up is to act male.  I was always myself (within limits).  I think that has been one reason I've had such an easy time dropping male habits.

Anyway, what you describe sounds far more typical than I think you realize.

Melissa

Hi, Ellissa Ray!  Welcome!

I think "typical" is just another way of saying "normal" so I pay little attention to it.  We all have our own stories and life experiences that attach themselves to our trans natures and that makes each one of us unique.

I'm glad you found us and hope you enjoy visiting here and being a part of our community as helpful as I have.

again, WELCOME! 
helen