Well here's one problem I didn't think about.  There have been a few pretty offensive incidents at work over the last few months, and I'm going to my boss to discuss it with him soon.  Is there a way for him to address this problem in a company meeting without outing me to the people here who don't know?  One of the main reasons I'm bringing this to him is because of times when I've been outed to someone at work without my permission.

It's not going to be easy to do it without outing you. He could be nonspecific, as in: "There have been incidents regarding certain employees' conduct around [your name], and I don't want it to happen again." Or: "Private details of [your name]'s personal life have been discussed in the workplace and this is unacceptable." Kind of a you-know-who-you-are type of thing. But this might provoke interest in you by employees who wouldn't have otherwise noticed you.

A better solution might be to ask your boss to meet privately with the employees who have committed these offenses. That way, they know their boss disapproves of their conduct, but you don't alert everyone that you're trans.

By the way, when you say you're not out, does that mean you're "stealth" or that you're not full-time yet?

Quote from: Angel_Mapper on September 09, 2008, 05:00:18 PM
Well here's one problem I didn't think about.  There have been a few pretty offensive incidents at work over the last few months, and I'm going to my boss to discuss it with him soon.  Is there a way for him to address this problem in a company meeting without outing me to the people here who don't know?  One of the main reasons I'm bringing this to him is because of times when I've been outed to someone at work without my permission.

I had the same problem two weeks ago. One of my coworkers figured out and made several comments to me. I was about to go to my boss, but I was concerned about the outing that would result. What really bothered me was that while my coworker suspected that I am trans, he really doesn't know. And by getting him reprimanded, I would have to out myself to him and in that respect he would still win. He actually has stopped saying anything for now. I am keeping an eye on the situation and am still not too sure what I am going to do here. I doubt it will be a thing that will just go away. My main concern is what he might say/might have said to my other coworkers, but it might be too late there anyways. Sorry I don't have any useful info. here, but I can certainly relate!

-Jess

A long time ago (in a galaxy far away  ) I had an incident at my first job after leaving home. A salesman who called on our office used to call on a place I had worked years before and thought I looked familiar. He made inquiries back in my home town asking if I had a brother - I don't - and he figured it out. He then told someone in my current office and the rumors started to fly.

I really liked the way my employer handled it. They called a meeting (everyone except me) and said they had heard rumors and they didn't like such rumors, they were to stop immediately. They also said anyone who objected to working with me or insisted on spreading rumors could collect their severance pay on the way out.

I never heard another word about it.

That employer had BALLS! LOL!

Quote from: Andrew on September 09, 2008, 06:41:56 PMIt's not going to be easy to do it without outing you. He could be nonspecific, as in: "There have been incidents regarding certain employees' conduct around [your name], and I don't want it to happen again." Or: "Private details of [your name]'s personal life have been discussed in the workplace and this is unacceptable." Kind of a you-know-who-you-are type of thing. But this might provoke interest in you by employees who wouldn't have otherwise noticed you.

A better solution might be to ask your boss to meet privately with the employees who have committed these offenses. That way, they know their boss disapproves of their conduct, but you don't alert everyone that you're trans.

By the way, when you say you're not out, does that mean you're "stealth" or that you're not full-time yet?

I'm more "apathetic stealth".  I don't go to great lengths to hide it (honestly most people there know, but there are a few who don't, mainly new employees), but if people don't know it's none of their business.

The big problem is I don't know who's doing this, so it would have to be a company-wide meeting.  My boss is awesome though, I'm sure he'll figure out a way to address it without mentioning me or even specifically mentioning transgender discrimination.


[edit] On another note, this has given me a big insight into why a lot of us have difficulty finding work (besides the obvious OMG FREAK deal), we're just an HR nightmare aren't we?  Worst case scenario, someone outs me, the person I'm outed to assaults me.  They'd lose 3 employees because it's doubtful I'd ever go back.  At a company like this losing 3 employees would be devastating.  That's just a big ole' plate of awesomecake right there.

If your boss is going to have a non-specific meeting about workplace conduct, the best thing you can do to avoid being outed is to look as horribly bored as everyone else in the meeting.