Ok, as I said in the title, I feel weird. And I'm pretty sure that it's a good weird. This is the best I can describe it:

I feel as if somthing in my mind has just clicked. I feel just about 100% female. Its like I have just had a mental rebirth. Like, two days ago, I knew that I should have been born female, but now, I'm having a hard time realizing that my body is still male. I'll give you a couple exmples:

1 - Ok, today, when I stepped into the shower, I had this weird feeling. I got the sudden urge to just wash my hair. Over, and over, and over. After about 5 times of over's, I just thought to myself: What am I doing?!? I usually take relatively quick showers, and I realize now that I was in the shower for over 20 minutes. So after one more over i got out.

2 - I know this isn't really a girly thing, but it's weird nonetheless: As i sit here and write this all down, I have been awake for over 35 hours. I have not slept for about one and a half days now. And this is the weirdest part: I feel an almost absolute zero ammount of tiredness.

3 - I just feel... girly...

Yes, I know that it isn't natural or healthy to be awak for going on 36 hours, but I just can't seem to sleep... I wonder how long this insomnia will last? Has anybody here on susans had insomnia? If so: how long did it last? Were you eating right during it? Do you know what caused it?

If anybody has any idea of what I'm going through, please say so. Well, its 11:30 pm, I better try to get some sleep. Goodnight all

I have insomnia sometimes. When I feel like I've reached a critical point in understanding myself, or have some kind of epiphany, I'll have a hard time sleeping because I'm so excited about the realization I've reached.

Not sure what to say to you about the hair-washing thing though, lol. I've washed mine more than once a few times but that's because it really needed washing and once didn't seem to cut it.

I haven't been able to sleep lately because I'm worried about a close friend whom I haven't talked to in a few days though I'm sure he's alright, I just tend to worry more about these kind of things than anyone else. I've still managed to sleep though, when I was too exhausted to stay awake or bored.

Hi Phate hon, the insomnia part I know about but then I beleive that for me it is my normal sleeping pattern. I wait until 5 am to go to bed so I can at least stay in bed until 11:00 am if I don't have to be anywhere that day. Occasionally I could stay awake for 48hrs without to great a problem. But then I have been like that for a good many years, I beleive my sleeping cycle was compromised all those years back when I use to work night shifts. But then given the fact that I have always been an active person and I feel at times there just isn't enough hours in a day. I can't sit for long except for intermittently when sitting at this computer.

As for the rest of what you describe I beleive that the part of your mind that has awakened to the realisation that you are female is common of GID. I can only pray that all will go well for you and that your transition be more of an adventure then many appear to experience it more as torture.

Cindy

Ok, I'm back. And I felt more weird today. (Sorry for listing again, but it's getting to be a weird habit of mine.):

1 - I feel like I'm going through what a normal girl goes through. By that I mean that I am like super happy one minute while reading stories online, then I'm on the couch hugging a pillow and crying because of what happened in an instant inside the story. I know that that was not normal. I don't think even a genetic female would get that way over a story.

2 - I wanted so badly to paint my nails. I used a clear coat of nail polish and painted my toes. I used clear for two distinct reasons. One, I knew it would be slightly less shocking when my mom saw them, and two, my nails have a nice natural purple tone to them and I knew it would look pretty. Wow, I just used the words nice, pretty and natural in the same sentance... lol.

3 - I just can't stop feeling emotion. I have been laughing all day, and when I'm not, I am feeling some other random emotion.

4 - I got another urge last night after I had laid down. I REALLY wanted to look at my high school year book. I wanted to look at all of the pretty girls in their homecoming dresses and see what I liked as far as hair, their dresses and the shape of their faces. I would wander aimlessly in the sea of pretty girls and would say things to myself like: "she is cute", and then it got weirder. I found myself rating the girls skills as to how to look good in a picture...

I know it sounds crazy when I say this, but it is as if god has given me a little taste of what I view as being girly. By the time I go to bed tonight I will have spent 59 hours awake. Yes, I know what lack of sleep does to people, but if I'm crazy, for the most part I'm liking it.

It's good that you're having fun and all, but if you've been up for 59 hours straight, you might want to call a doctor ASAP.  This doesn't sound like insomnia - it sounds like a manic episode.

I know the feeling.  Whenever I think about my far-away lover in the UK, I get all gushy and hug myself.  It's funny but I love to do it anyway. 

Quote from: Nephie on September 15, 2008, 08:29:00 PM
It's good that you're having fun and all, but if you've been up for 59 hours straight, you might want to call a doctor ASAP.  This doesn't sound like insomnia - it sounds like a manic episode.

I agree

Yeah... Usually I don't just feel my inner self when I'm reaching sleeplessness of a mentally insane person (legally insane), I feel the edges of reality leaking away, and things seem rounder to me, and I float instead of walking, and my brain "Resets". I'll realize I'm doing something and it will be surreal cause Its as if I just woke up doing it. Welcome to the wonderful world of no Zs...

And if you aren't getting all of those sensations I described... See a doctor, cause either you're in a manic episode, or you're a superhero... And the latter would be unlikely.


Manic episodes can cause brain damage btw. And think of how you're overclocking your brain like a computer. You're going to be the lone kid at the LAN party with their rig on fire. Get to the effing doctor.

Alexandra hon, I tired to post back to you last night and the servers went down, grrrrrrrrrrr.
Well there aint nothin wrong to fantasise something like that in your mind. I lived alone for many years yearning to have a mate but once I started transitioning I never thought I would ever have a mate. I certainly wasn't interested in a woman after being physically and mentally abused by one for almost six years and although I found guys interesting it wasn't enough of an interest for me to try and have a relationship with them. So is was on Susan's here that I came to do a little fantasising about romance and this was how I met my mate here. We have been living together now for five years.

Cindy

Quote from: Diane on September 16, 2008, 10:41:36 AM

Quote from: Nephie on September 15, 2008, 08:29:00 PM
It's good that you're having fun and all, but if you've been up for 59 hours straight, you might want to call a doctor ASAP.  This doesn't sound like insomnia - it sounds like a manic episode.

I agree

Hmmnm, it may also just be a intense adrenaline rush, and eventually you would eventually come down with an almighty bump. I have had an episode of prolonged awakedness and though it ended with a big headache, I remained as happy as before etc....of course I may have missed your points on this ..... and being all girly is rather a nice state of being ( due apologies to any F to M that is reading this ) 

Well I use to crash every three day and sleep for 10 hrs and then back to sleeping only diligantly for the next three days for 4 to 5 hrs hours per day.

Since I moved here in the apartment we live in a basement apartment and all the windows are inside window wells, no direct light gets in. That messes with me in the morning my internal clock telling me it must be only really early morning then roll over and go back to sleep until the urge to go for a pee pee drives me out of bed and I discover it's 12:00pm, whaaaaaaat!! Goodness I hate that I feel like I wasted the day in bed. So to make up for it I don't go to bed until 5 or 6 in the morning when the sun is coming over the hill. That way I don't feel like I totally wasted the day in bed. But the my job at the woman's shelter is for 5:00 in the afternoon so at least I still got lots of time to get up and about and ready to go by 4:00pm.

But goodness gracious me I looking forward into moving into another apartment with above ground windows. I believe I have a bit of seasonal affective disorder to top it all. If I didn't have such nice long hair I probably would be pulling it out.

Cindy