I've been the most awful absentee member lately, for which I apologise. My reason for not posting so much, as I said a while back, is that it's not really possible for me to go ahead with transition, so I don't like thinking about it.

What I have started doing is going to counselling. I've been to two sessions so far, and I am going to another on Friday. The counsellor I see isn't specialised in gender issues, but she's very understanding of my situation all the same. It's just nice to talk things over with someone, 'cause I feel pretty isolated right now. I'm surrounded by so many people, like my family and friends, but I've told none of them, so I'm still alone in this. Great as this forum is, ultimately, it's only by talking face to face that I can hope to feel less alone.
And yet still, there are things I am keeping from her. Certain things deeper and more personal than gender stuff which I will discuss on Friday, because I so badly need to get it out of my system.

Life has improved very slightly for me now, and I hope it continues to do so. Only problem: cheapskate NHS only gives 6 sessions with the Counsellor at the GP surgery, so at some time in the future I will have to come up with something else. But for now, I'll be okay.

Hey, it's great that you sought somebody out! I agree that face-to-face talking is invaluable... I love the forums too, but seeing someone's face, their emotional expressions of compassion and sympathy, goes a long way.

Even if they don't specialize in gender issues, they can still help you explore what's going on in your head, pinpoint issues to be addressed, help set priorities, etc. TONS of good, helpful stuff.

And sometimes just knowing there's someone there for you to explore things is a big help.

It's ashame about the 6 session limit... are there any loopholes? My insurance (though they don't pay for my particular therapist) has a special "if you're really messed up, you can have an extra x-number sessions" clause.

You are taking the right road Steven that's for sure, and it's quite true what you expressed about the forums and face to face sessions, you can't beat them generally.  Don't get tied up over the number of sessions either.  Just because you have 6 that will be funded by NHS doesn't mean that you will need to use them.  Every person is different when it comes to therapy, some need more than others and then there are those who need none or just one or two.

One important note is that you have to open and upfront with them for therapy to do any good.  It does absolutely no good for you or the therapist if you with hold information.  What do you have to loose, the sessions are confidential and if you expect the therapist to help you then you must help the therapist by providing information that is relevant to your issues.  If you're not sure tell her anyway and let her decide.

Take care.

Steph

Well, just come back from my third session.

I've now told her everything that's been on my mind, and we discussed what might happen in the future. She said she'd get in touch with someone who's more of a "specialist" than her, and then I might go see them.
We also discussed how completely disconnected I feel from my parents, and about how I'm only getting more and more depressed by not talking to them about this. So, at some time in the future I think I may talk to them, 'cause I don't seriously think they'll spaz out and hate me. It'll just be awkward for a while.

But at the moment, everything still exists in "maybe"s and "option"s... I'll keep you informed about whatever ends up happening. :-


Posted at: 16 June 2006, 15:23:48

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Update: I've had my 6 sessions now, and I might be going to another counsellor in the future, but I'm not sure. I'm not really sure about anything.