hey i had my debs ( like a prom or formal methinks ) the other week and i went alone coz i was all bummed out over summer and thinkin maybe i wouldnt go but i went in the end. I didnt hav time to ind anyone to go with Anyway seein all the chicks at it in all these stunning dresses and with gorgeous hair made me soooooo jealous By the way I'm a really masc. lookin boy (grr i hate dat word) and im so far in da closet im almost in narnia!!

I wud like to know if anyone has any similar stories or advice 4 dealin with the bemmed out-ness. i just feel so alone and crappy and wud appreciate some feedback thanks

  Claire

"almost in narnia" is funny. Thanks for the laugh.

Oh, Claire, I can't even come close to counting the times I've felt like that. But maybe I remember the first, when I was mabe four years old, at a wedding of some relative I didn't know and still don't. I remember there was a girl who seemed so happy to be all dolled up for the wedding, and I was stuck in a stiff white collared shirt and uncomfortable pants and shoes. It might have been one of my earliest experiences of gender dysphoria, though I didn't even quite grasp the concept of gender at the time. I just knew something was wrong.

Since then those feelings have pretty much been limited to times when I'm in formal events; at school, work, or doing homework; hiking, climbing, skiing, at the beach, or otherwise outdoors; grocery shopping or doing other errands; spending time with my family, friends, or girlfriend; asleep and dreaming; daydreaming; and maybe a few others that I can't recall right now.

I'm sorry it hurts now.

~Alyssa

I feel the same way right now. I`m all bummed out for one other reason than I`m not living in my gender. I find out on the 15th if we loose our house ( like everyone else). Some days are just ->-bleeped-<-ty and I don`t want to get out of bed.
I just picked up my daughter at school and was feeling just like what your talking about. I see the other moms and they have no idea how much I wish I was like them with there pretty hair and nice clothes.

   I`ve been in Narnia for quit some time now and see no way of going home any time soon. I hope you feel better soon. Chin up girl!

I have always had those same feelings. Whenever I see an attractive girl my initial thoughts are always, "Why can't I look like that?" Even with those thoughts I still found ways to deny being trans and convinced myself being a guy was okay. I just ignored them until I was ready I guess. When I was 15-19 my life seemed so hopeless to me (I am 21 now). Things got better though. I made new friends in my new college town, I found a gorgeous girlfriend that I absolutely love, and my grades vastly improved. It was only in the past two weeks that I finally came out of the closet, probably because I finally felt like things were "okay" in my life and there was no other immediate crisis or reason for depression. And much to my surprise my world didn't collapse. Things only got even better from there, although I do suppose I am a bit lucky in that regard.

My advice to you would be not to rush anything. See a therapist if you feel like you are ready. I think things will get better though. I have and do things now that two years ago seemed completely impossible to me.

Thanks you three youre words of encouragement are greately appreciated.  It helps to know im not alone. It sucks that you dont know if you'll have a house in the near future but im sure everything will turn out alright i know that its gonna be ok when i finally get to start my transition (when not if ) but ive never been very patient anyway thanks a lot girls

Claire xoxo