"Are you sure that you want to be labeled as a gay male for the rest of your life?" My partner is FtM, and is out to my mother. I am SO angry w/ her right now. I've found someone who loves me, warts and all, who is going to spend the rest of my life w/ me, and my mother is concerned about what others will think of me. I almost snapped at her, "You know, there's not a lot of hetero men who do fashion design. I'll fit right in." But I didn't. But it really bothered me that someone I THOUGHT was understanding is not.

I haven't even mentioned this to Lane. It'd break his fragile little heart. The person who he thought he could be this open w/ is not as understanding as we might wish.

And yes, we live w/ my parents.

Quote from: Tetanus on September 14, 2008, 03:32:11 AM
"Are you sure that you want to be labeled as a gay male for the rest of your life?" My partner is FtM, and is out to my mother. I am SO angry w/ her right now. I've found someone who loves me, warts and all, who is going to spend the rest of my life w/ me, and my mother is concerned about what others will think of me. I almost snapped at her, "You know, there's not a lot of hetero men who do fashion design. I'll fit right in." But I didn't. But it really bothered me that someone I THOUGHT was understanding is not.

I haven't even mentioned this to Lane. It'd break his fragile little heart. The person who he thought he could be this open w/ is not as understanding as we might wish.

And yes, we live w/ my parents.

Well a lot of people who haven't had to deal with this in the past don't understand, and it might just take her some time.  She is also your parent, and parents worry about you, and how your life will turn out.  Help her understand that your happy with lane, happy with your life, and that is all that matters.  Show her you are happy and she will come around in time, not everyone gets it at first.  Its your life though, live it with lane, and your mom will eventually understand that love knows no bounds.

Have you tried just telling your Mom that it doesn't bother you to be "labeled" as gay, because what other people think of you doesn't matter to you? I know it's a foreign concept to some people, because for many people other people's opinions matter to them - you know, the "oh, no! What will the neighbors think!?" syndrome. I never quite got this myself either. Why waste so much energy worrying about what other people think? By doing that, you never live the life *you* want. Another possibility is that your Mom may feel that she's "failed" somehow by having a "gay" son ('cause, you know, homosexuality is teh EVIL!!!! Not.)

I don't know if I can suggest much beyond talking to your Mom about things (after you've cooled down so you can be rational - it gives you the higher position.) I can understand, though, if you don't want to rock the boat too much yet while still living with family (we're in the same situation here.)

Lots of hugs to you and Lane!

WR

::hugs::

As has been said, it may be that she's just worried about your welfare.. what other people think of you can very quickly turn into something important, when it comes to homophobes, intolerance, violence.. etc.  It may be that it's not so much trying to get you to leave Lane, as just making sure you know what you're doing.  Which, of course you do.. but mothers worry.

Just let her know that yes, you are aware, and no, you don't have a problem with it.  Now.. if the issue is that SHE doesn't want to be seen as having a gay son.. that's a whole 'nother story.  I'd be pissed off, as well.

my mom says rediculous things like that to me sometimes too....like, "you're going to have to let her know that you're not going to turn lesbian for her."

really mom, really?

Quote from: Tetanus on September 14, 2008, 03:32:11 AM
"Are you sure that you want to be labeled as a gay male for the rest of your life?" My partner is FtM, and is out to my mother. I am SO angry w/ her right now. I've found someone who loves me, warts and all, who is going to spend the rest of my life w/ me, and my mother is concerned about what others will think of me. I almost snapped at her, "You know, there's not a lot of hetero men who do fashion design. I'll fit right in." But I didn't. But it really bothered me that someone I THOUGHT was understanding is not.

I haven't even mentioned this to Lane. It'd break his fragile little heart. The person who he thought he could be this open w/ is not as understanding as we might wish.

And yes, we live w/ my parents.

*reads this... gets nauseated*

my heart isn't broken, love... but i definitely resent it. that was pretty fake of her. i mean, not completely,. its not like either one of them will use the right pronouns. PLEASE can we live on campus??

Least she realizes would be gay.  My father has a thing against gays yet he says to me.  "Long as your not interested in women too"  uhh  what you want me to be a gay guy?  LOL   I just told him am asexual, though not really truth.  I don;t think there's a term for my interest.

But yeh hope she comes around.

Just make sure to be patient with her, she doesnt understand yet, so give her some time.

Hey Tetanus,

EVer since my spouse transitioned (FtM) three years ago, people ask me if that means I'm now gay. My stock answer is this:

"I'm not sure about me, but I'm damned sure glad my HUSBAND is gay!"

Keeps them thinking...

Dan (aka ftmshubbie)

NICE

Quote from: ftmshubbie on October 12, 2008, 10:43:16 AM
Hey Tetanus,

EVer since my spouse transitioned (FtM) three years ago, people ask me if that means I'm now gay. My stock answer is this:

"I'm not sure about me, but I'm damned sure glad my HUSBAND is gay!"

Keeps them thinking...

Dan (aka ftmshubbie)

Lol, very nice

Quote from: Rachel on October 11, 2008, 02:05:12 AM
Just make sure to be patient with her, she doesnt understand yet, so give her some time.

Thats the only advice I could give you.

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