I may be starting HRT soon, I don't know yet, and I don't know if it will help me or not, but I wonder if I have some coming out to do, and was wondering if I should or not. I'll be switching to another SO's home soon, and I think they will accept me, and I'll be living with them for a while, but I don't know if I should tell them or not. I think it would be wrong to start HRT and changes and let them find out the hard way, so I was wondering what others think I should do, cause I'm not sure.

Those drugs are going to make the problem mute in short order.

Quote from: findingreason on October 19, 2008, 08:23:39 PM
I think it would be wrong to start HRT and changes and let them find out the hard way.

You've answered your own question right there. Goodluck.

i'm with asher, you answered your own question.  however;  the opposite might be wrong as well.  it depends on alot of things; the nature of the relationship, the depth of your committment, the economic consequences..and on and on.

it's really such a personal and intimate decision that no one can really answer it any better then you just did.  do what's right, in the end your personal integrity is all you've got.

Thanks for the responses, I think I should come out, because it would just be unfair to them otherwise. I'm just afraid because my life is in a situation then that it could get crazy, and stressful real quick. I'm still afraid of what may be lost by starting, cause I love my family and friends so much, and if this is for me......I will have to take the risk of losing others along with it.

But then I know that those that I lose weren't worth it then, because they couldn't accept me as who I am.

If coming out is the truth, then you have to tell, otherwise your just another person who can't tell the truth, no matter who it hurts, which is a sucky way to go through life.

hi findingreason.  i just wanted to say...it's not that those people you may lose aren't "worth it", they're still the same people you have loved and still do probably.  they are of great value and you decieve yourself by just tossing them off as unworthy because they can't accept you as you really are.

their inability to accept that you are what you are is really a form of insanity itself, of course in no legal sense and i'm sure you won't find mention of it in the dsm.  but...look at it reasonably, what rationale could serve this?  no sane one i submit.

i think it best to acknowledge that you love them, to allow yourself to suffer their loss, to hurt for the loss...and then to grieve.  by that, i believe you can heal and not just sweep under the rug.

FIRE ONE!!!!!!  (whistles...........) and........MISS!!!!!

I tried to come out to my SO a little bit ago, and chickened out......I didn't tell him. So, here I am, trying to muster the courage to call him back to just flat out tell him.....I've never actually told someone directly outside of immediate family, without the means of email or something (it's so much easier to press a button than say a word).

I am scared, and in doubt again of myself (first an ugly dysphoria attack, then a denial attack.....), so I feel like I am lying whenever I continue to talk about this, or come out to others, so......But my SO I feel needs to know before I actually move in, so.....any support for actually saying those oh so difficult words?

Go with the email, if you have difficulty speaking it.  It is not ideal and far less personal, but sometimes more effective.  It gives you better opportunity to get out what you want to say, and gives them a better opportunity receive what you are saying.  As often times when told in person, people can get very emotional, and not fully hear what you are saying.  At least with an email they can go back and re-read it.  Personally, I told very few people face to face. Most of the people I told in my life, I told through  email first.  I felt that I could write better than I could speak it anyway, so I used that method for "breaking the news".  I later followed up by a phone call once they responded.

However you tell them though, it is important for you to tell.

Do what makes you most comfortable and the best of luck.

"i love you with all my heart and i always will........."

I used the letter trick.  So e-mail will work too.  Do not not tell them that is not a good thing.  You can only hurt yourself in the long run.

Quote from: findingreason on October 19, 2008, 08:23:39 PM
I may be starting HRT soon, I don't know yet, and I don't know if it will help me or not, but I wonder if I have some coming out to do, and was wondering if I should or not. I'll be switching to another SO's home soon, and I think they will accept me, and I'll be living with them for a while, but I don't know if I should tell them or not. I think it would be wrong to start HRT and changes and let them find out the hard way, so I was wondering what others think I should do, cause I'm not sure.

I came out to some family before starting T, and to some after starting.  At work I waited until I saw some changes starting and figured it was time to give them a heads up.  I see no problem with starting hormones before coming out as the changes aren't instantaneous anyway, but plan on coming out before it's so obvious.

Jay