I'll start with one of my favorites as an example:

"....so.....uuhhhhhh......if you was a male, and liked girls, why didja become a girl when you still like girls, and couldda had all you wanted the regular way, you know......like a guy.  Why go through the hassle when it was easier the other way?"

Anyone have other Bubba questions?


Bev

'Ahhh... don't it hurt to cross your legs like that?'  Of course I then proceed to lock my foot around the other ankle and watch their face.

Or 'So are those real?' referring to my breasts.  Duha

"Uhhh.......so, now do you like men instead of women?"

This question, I first made a polite reply to.  It was from a medical doctor that was a friend.  Can you believe it??  He was so busy balancing physiologies and dispensing pills, he had no clue.  That's scary.  There's an awful lot of work to be done out there...



Posted on: October 23, 2008, 08:19:40 am

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"Hey......what if I snatch that skirt off of you?" (A workplace question I got)

My actual response:  "Well you would find out what you've been dying to know.  I look like your wife, but with tight new parts"

A nearby youngish coworker smiled at him and said, "new parts sound better to me....." 



Bev

Posted on: October 23, 2008, 08:26:24 am

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Another coworker:   "Umm....do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"

An endless string of those"

"Did you .....you know.....have surgery?"

It's almost always a guy.  I tell them, "I'm like a vintage car.....a few old parts, a few new parts, and some very carefully remanufactured parts"


Bev

Posted on: October 23, 2008, 08:32:13 am

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Okay.....now a really off the wall (but totally serious) question:

"Bev....can you yodle now?  Can you do it for me?"

How can you respond to that?
I guess the closest would be, "do you know the joke about the patient that says to the surgeon, "will I be able to play the piano after my surgery?"
.....same thing......I never yodled, either.

"Be a woman, just keep your dick!"

Not exactly a question, but just as dense. Thanks Mom.

I guess this is sort of a "bubba question," but how are others who don't have a transgendered person's point of view going to gain any insight to that point of view without asking seemingly stupid questions? If the questions are asked out of malice or revulsion, then I'd say that Yes, they are stupid. But if the questions are asked out of ignorance (and "ignorance" here means more like uneducated), why is that bad?

I get asked if I cross-dress for sexual kicks. Once upon a time, that was true. These days, no. I get asked if, as a Pagan, I worship the devil. No, because I don't believe the existence of such an entity. I find these questions somewhat tedious, but if the asker is genuinely curious, I don't see a problem just answering them.

There are some questions I'd love to ask various peoples, in an effort to understand points of view that I don't have. But, I hesitate to ask because of the backlash that sometimes is levvied against folks who dare ask for information.

Just my $.02.

I had lots of people ask me questions in my early transition, they were pertinent reasonable questions, some were out of curiosity. Some were certainly not pertinent and were just plain ignorant and out of character. I Just chose to ignore those folks who chose to be nasty, like the ones who used the wrong pronouns or the wrong name. I just pretended I thought they were referring to someone else and just kept on walking right by them.

I was never confrontational towards anyone, and never picked a quarrel with them. I would just only pretended I didn't hear them. Mind you there is an adjustment period for us as well when we just start out living full time, like getting use to and recognising when some one is calling us by our proper name, or recognising our own chosen name when being called by that name, or responding to the proper pronoun. So in the beginning it's an adjustment that goes both ways. After a couple of years the questions dissipate and eventually just desist and the use of the right pronouns and your chosen name become a commonplace fixture in ones life.

Now to me it didn't make that big of a different whether I was living in stealth, which I wasn't, in that little town I was living in. People just got use to me to the point that they treated me the same as any other cisgender woman in town, some gentlemen even going the extra mile at being polite and accommodating actually. 

Here where I am now, no one knows me except as who I present, just another woman. At work I am well liked. So to tell the truth I never got the Bubba treatment well maybe a few Bubba jokes among other Tgirls and cisgender women as well. I love a good sense of humor.


Cindy

Most the questions I get have less to do with me being a transwoman and more to do with me being a lesbian who's dating a guy... >.>;

Though there was this one discussion with my dad...

Dad: So...do you like girls?
Me: Yes.
Dad: Good.
Me: ...but, that's because I'm a lesbian.
Dad: *blank stare*

This wasn't from a bubba, but from a very intelligent gay male who was talking with me and trying to understand about transgender. Finally, when I said that I was currently dating a woman, he said, then why go through all the bother to change sex if I'm going to end up with a woman?

Z

Quote from: Shades O'Grey on October 23, 2008, 02:38:28 PM
I guess this is sort of a "bubba question," but how are others who don't have a transgendered person's point of view going to gain any insight to that point of view without asking seemingly stupid questions? If the questions are asked out of malice or revulsion, then I'd say that Yes, they are stupid. But if the questions are asked out of ignorance (and "ignorance" here means more like uneducated), why is that bad?

Because the questions are often still invasive, boundary-violating questions that no one would ever dare ask a cis person. Because the answer is frequently, "None of your business."

One of the frustrating parts of your argument is the idea that trans people are somehow in a position where we should be required to educate, when it should be understood that just because one of us is present and trans, this does not mean that trans person represents all trans people or is present for the convenience of cis people to use as a "trans information dispenser." While trans people may choose to educate (and that's fine) the expectation shouldn't be present, nor should education be a prerequisite for acceptance and tolerance.

Also, google and books exist for a reason, so if someone really wants to learn about trans people, there's always Leslie Feinberg, Patrick Califia, Julia Serano, Vivian Namaste, Jameson Green, and so on, plus many many blogs written by trans people, as well as informational websites. It's not as if the information is inaccessible, that the only way to learn is to demand a trans person's time.

QuoteThere are some questions I'd love to ask various peoples, in an effort to understand points of view that I don't have. But, I hesitate to ask because of the backlash that sometimes is levvied against folks who dare ask for information.

I think it's problematic to describe it like this, because you make it look like the full responsibility for any such exchange lies on trans people's shoulders, and that cis people are simply innocents caught in the backlash from an oversensitive minority's wounded feelings. Perhaps it could be turned around - how cis people get angry because trans people dare to assert their boundaries and refuse to answer invasive questions?

Also, this is an answer to your question. I haven't refused to answer anything, but explained why it's problematic to expect that trans people should answer questions.

Posted on: October 24, 2008, 09:39:40 pm

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Quote from: Zythyra on October 24, 2008, 11:08:00 AM
This wasn't from a bubba, but from a very intelligent gay male who was talking with me and trying to understand about transgender. Finally, when I said that I was currently dating a woman, he said, then why go through all the bother to change sex if I'm going to end up with a woman?

Z

I got something similar from a lesbian:

"Haven't you tried dating men? How can you know you're a lesbian if you only date women?"

(I guess the ten years I spent dating men didn't count...)
(never mind the sheer rage of hearing "Maybe you just haven't met the right man" style argument from another lesbian)

Another one:

"If so many trans men are part of the lesbian community, why aren't trans women part of the gay community?"

Quote from: Lisa Harney on October 24, 2008, 09:42:34 PM
Because the questions are often still invasive, boundary-violating questions that no one would ever dare ask a cis person. Because the answer is frequently, "None of your business."

Something tells me that the people who have the lack of tact and sensitivity to ask invasive questions to a transgendered person, would most likely be exactly the type of people who would very easily dare to resort to the same invasive form of questioning to cisgendered people.

If I believed everything that books or links I found through Google about bisexuals and pagans, I would have to disbelieve things about myself. I like look to people for information. Books or web sites can be good sources, but then again they often get things wrong. What I'm usually after is the particular individual's point of view.

Transgender and transsexualism maybe under a different label considering that the first two labels have been debauched so much through the years. Like for example a label such as The Study of Gender Identity Disorder Syndrome could be taught in schools right along with sex education or in some such public sector to be taught by qualified individuals with the purpose of educating the general public.

Cindy

Posted on: October 24, 2008, 10:27:38 pm

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I tried to suggest that here at the transgender suport group to no avail. well who listens to a country girls who still has the dirt under her fingernails huh?

Cindy

Quote from: Leiandra on October 24, 2008, 09:50:40 PM

Quote from: Lisa Harney on October 24, 2008, 09:42:34 PM
Because the questions are often still invasive, boundary-violating questions that no one would ever dare ask a cis person. Because the answer is frequently, "None of your business."

Something tells me that the people who have the lack of tact and sensitivity to ask invasive questions to a transgendered person, would most likely be exactly the type of people who would very easily dare to resort to the same invasive form of questioning to cisgendered people.

Not in my experience*. Cis people tend to view trans people as exceptional and thus worthy of curiosity. A cis person who would never ask a cis woman the depth of her vagina would be quick to walk up to me and ask me whether I'd had surgery? Why? Because the very thought of having surgery is considered to be weird and outlandish by many people, whereas the thought of not having surgery is considered normal and people who are seen as cis are considered to have unaltered genitals.

There's a reason that Calpernia Addams made this video:



(why does it auto-embed?)

* Okay, some people just plain lack tact, plus I know that people with disabilities deal with a wide variety of invasive questions as well...or, pretty much anyone perceived as different from the assumed defaulkt (and assumed "unmarked") can expect to be grilled as to specifics about their lives to a rude and invasive degree. This doesn't at all excuse the way cis people ask trans people questions they would typically not ask each other, it's just a thing people do when they have the expectation that their social position is given more weight and validity than the person they're questioning.



Posted on: October 25, 2008, 01:42:18 am

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Quote from: Shades O'Grey on October 24, 2008, 10:05:16 PM
If I believed everything that books or links I found through Google about bisexuals and pagans, I would have to disbelieve things about myself. I like look to people for information. Books or web sites can be good sources, but then again they often get things wrong. What I'm usually after is the particular individual's point of view.

And when trans people tell you "If you want to know about this, check out these books and maybe these websites" are you going to tell them that? I mean, it's your prerogative to refuse to do some research if you want to learn about trans people, but you're not entitled to hear any particular trans person's take on your questions. That doesn't mean no trans person will ever answer you, but I think as long as you're presenting the entire idea of interrogation and education as something you should be able to ask of and expect from trans people, I think you're already starting from a problematic position. I already provided the names of several authors who have written a lot of material on being trans, and can give you a very good starting point before you start asking any trans people questions they may not want to answer.

It's a pretty simple foundation: Trans people do not have a responsibility to educate cis people. What that means is that you shouldn't approach anyone with the expectation that they should answer your questions, or that you really deserve to hear their viewpoint on stuff that's already been covered exhaustively in writing. That doesn't mean you can't ever ask a trans person questions, but I should hope such questions come from a position of respect, and not entitlement.

Hi Lisa, I quite agree with you. A trans person is not obligated, nor should they feel that they have the responsibility to teach others who are not trans, or cisgendered, unless that is that individuals free choice to give that information freely of their own will. In early transition I use to simply say to those who asked impertinent questions about my "ahemmm," condition, well dear, you see it's like this, it's an inside job, and I would just leave it at that.

I haven't given up my idea of public education on Gender Identity Disorder Syndrome though, although I have put aside any opportunity to work with the trans community here in Vancouver for the time being. I will be starting my new position as peer suport worker at the women's shelter and there is a good possibility I will be working with both North American Native street women and trans women. I may have the opportunity to introduce some of my ideas there.

Anyway I enjoyed reading your post, you appear to me to be a learned lady and I can quite appreciate that, and can say, "that's cool," we could always use more ladies like you around.

Cindy   

Yeah, every time I have this conversation, someone assumes that I'm saying trans people aren't going to educate ever, and, er, I don't speak for all trans people, and my blog is all about educating.

I'm just criticizing expectations.

Hi Lisa hon, if I thought it would be of any benifit to teach cisgendered or others none TS or TG I would do so, but as it it is the impression I get and have read of while back where one school had said no but hell no, we will not allow such education to our children. Like we were dirt or something sinful, beasts or some such thing. Until that attitude changes we would be just whistling in the wind. In a facility like where I work it could at least help some to get off street including *Trans women* to get off the street to live productive lives if they so desire.

Cindy

Yeah, that's true too.

I'm also tired of individual cis people expressing their special snowflakeness, by saying that not teaching them everything on demand means no allies ever, which is just silly. Plus cis people who hear something like what I said above about invasive, personal questions, or the questions that Calpernia describes in her video and make it about them and how they're prevented and silenced from asking questions because of the unreasonable demand that they not ask trans people about our genitals and sex lives.

I mean, education, if it can happen at all, needs to happen on a particular scale. I can't educate people one at a time - no one can - and maintain any energy for myself and my needs.

Quote from: Lisa Harney on October 24, 2008, 09:42:34 PM

Because the questions are often still invasive, boundary-violating questions that no one would ever dare ask a cis person. Because the answer is frequently, "None of your business."

......... nor should education be a prerequisite for acceptance and tolerance.

Thank You


Bev

"Son are you sure you aren't just gay?"

"No mom, I not a huge fan of anal..."


Sometimes you gotta just be SPECIFICCCCCC HAHAHAHAH

That reminds me of a conversation I had with my mother and what I should have said:

"Can't you try just being gay?"

What I said: "I tried, and it worked for four hours."

Why it failed in the harsh light of day and what I should have said:

"I'm attracted to women."