I have been podering cutting my hair short for a long time. My issues with it are: I'm already seen as tomboy so cutting my hair could label me a butch lesbian (which isn't appealing) and I can't go stealth cause of where I live. And if i don't like it it takes awhile to grow back. . boo Anyone have this problem or have any advice? Thanks. .

Brady

My advice is that you should have put the word "hair" in your subject title.  I freaked out thinking you were talking about the type of cutting.

also, I guess sometimes it is difficult, but the only real choice you have is to do as you please with your hair.  There are tons of women with short hair. Many might be butch lesbians, but some are unbutch lesbians and others are straight women who are tired of the hair care.

So, my opinion is that if it's safe and you have no concern for your safety; go for it. It might help relieve your dysphoria a little.

I changed the title. .sorry wasn't thinking.    Yeah, I hate living in a small town, but I have to right now. Frustrating not being able to just be a guy, and even when you try there are all the modifications and bull->-bleeped-<- you have to go through. Not sure if I should say screw it and cut it.

I'm with Reebs. I was half scared to open this thread.

Some of us instantly turn into 'bull dykes' to society as soon as we cut it too short. I tried it, suddenly got stared at everywhere I went (even though there is a large dyke community here and found out yes, there is such a thing as perceived heterosexual privilege).

For me, being seen as butch causes added dysphoria. Don't know why but it does. So I let it grow back out to short (for a girl) but not short.

Really depends on how you look with it. If it'd helped me pass, I'dve kept it short.

Quote from: Nero on October 27, 2008, 01:43:37 PM
Some of us instantly turn into 'bull dykes' to society as soon as we cut it too short. I tried it, suddenly got stared at everywhere I went (even though there is a large dyke community here and found out yes, there is such a thing as perceived heterosexual privilege).

For me, being seen as butch causes added dysphoria. Don't know why but it does. So I let it grow back out to short (for a girl) but not short.

Really depends on how you look with it. If it'd helped me pass, I'dve kept it short.

Yeah i understand the increased dysphoria. I struggle with the clothes I want to wear and also wantin gto change my name. My mom told me people will have a lot of difficulty calling me by Brady, especially in my extended family. So she suggested that I not do it. I find myself wondering if I will ever fully transition because it is not like being born male. Your still transgender to society and i want to have kids, worried how they would be affected. More questions than answers I suppose.

Quote from: Nero on October 27, 2008, 01:43:37 PM

For me, being seen as butch causes added dysphoria. Don't know why but it does.

It did at the beginning for me as well.  But now that I'm starting to pass more (and have my legal ID as MALE) it's not bothering me as much.  I guess now I figure it's a step in the right direction (butch/androgynous rather than female).

OTOH I keep attracting creepy lesbians (no, I know lesbians aren't creepy; just these PARTICULAR ONES are -- we attract odd people on the night shift, LOL).


Jay

Yeah if you plan on kids biologically, it's prolly best to wait on transition cause you don't know what T will do to your eggs and such. But yeah, either way biological or adopted, prolly have some effect on them.

Quote from: Nero on October 27, 2008, 01:57:12 PM
Yeah if you plan on kids biologically, it's prolly best to wait on transition cause you don't know what T will do to your eggs and such. But yeah, either way biological or adopted, prolly have some effect on them.

Biologically having a kid would be my last resort. My hope would be finding a straight female to have the baby. Being a guy, actually having the baby creeps me out. But if I don't find anyone to "marry" then I will have to decide whether adoption or having one myself is best.

I cut my hair this summer without really thinking, and I know I definitely look like a butch to a lot of people, especially with my baggy clothes. I didn't realize that even though I'd gotten a "Caesar cut" (tapered neck and all) it sill looks like an african american woman's short hair style because not all of my hair is curly (like natural afr-amer guys).

I wouldn't have had it any other way though cause now I know I LOVE it short so when it comes time to cut my hair (*points to ticker* V)in an afr-amer guy style, I DEFINITELY want it. No dreads or braids for me.

So yeah I get perceived as a butch now, but the now is only temporary. The future will come soon. Plus I know I'm not a lesbian, and that's all that matters to me. (That, and I'm not getting hit on by creepy lesbians like Jay is XD)

So like everyone says, if it's SAFE go right ahead, but a lot of women have short hair so it shouldn't matter. That's probably the last thing you want to hear since you're not a woman, but other people still perceive you as one so :shrug:

I personally shave my head, and I pass more often than when I had a buzz, and FAR more often than when I had long hair.

It may just be the shape of my head, though.

Most importantly though, is that you have a haircut that YOU like. If you don't pass, that's because other people suck

I had the same concerns...  With long-ish (below jawbone) hair cut straight off, I looked on the female side of androgynous.  Most people seemed confused by me; the majority of the ones who made a call on my sex said girl, with a few saying 'young man.'  This was wearing clothes from the guys' department.  I was concerned that a short haircut would just scream 'butch dyke'--not really what I was going for.

I'm sure that my current short haircut screams 'butch dyke' to some people, especially those who already think I'm female.  I've been asked 'do you have a girlfriend?' before.  But beyond, that they don't treat me any differently because of it.  To people who don't know me, I pass fairly reliably as male--which is nice.  Kinda worth the effort of cutting the hair, actually.  Keep in mind that I live in a small, conservative community where clothes and hair are still considered highly reliable indicators of sex, lol; there really aren't many 'deviants' from this rule here.  So, especially with the older set, my hair and clothes alone are apparently enough to scream 'male' to people.  Or maybe it's just my total lack of feminine grace and refinement 

*Shrug* what it really comes down to is if it'll make you happy to look in the mirror and see yourself looking just a bit more dude-like because of the short hair.  Is it worth it, even if it might be a bit weird around the people you know (and usually the weirdness only lasts for the first time they see the haircut)?  For me it was.  No one (outside of my family) really seemed to care that I cut my hair...  If they ask, I just say 'cuz it's easier'--and they accept my answer.

Brady, have you got a recent pic of your hair now and a possible style of how you would like it?

Quote from: Jay on October 27, 2008, 05:46:09 PM
Brady, have you got a recent pic of your hair now and a possible style of how you would like it?

I keep my hair in a pony tail all the time so its not like I make a big spectacle of doing my hair everyday. I could post a pic of it down if that's what your talking about Jay?
I told my mom I was thinking about it and my Dad over heard and told me not to cut my hair. There could be tension while I'm living at home too. I'm just unsure if going into nursing school and a job in the human service field I should make that drastic of a change. Just unsure

If your hair is really long (like waist or middle/lower back) than you should cut it to shoulder length, if you aren't willing to go for a normal short cut. Mine is shoulder length, but it's in style with teenage guys. It's really layered, and it can look really cool if you gel it. (I have to warn you though, it looks really bad when it gets greasy, because it sticks closer to your head. It looks good right after it has a dried from a shower, when it's kinda 'fluffy'.) If you have time in the morning, you could style it really cool, too.

I say cut it. I mean you dont have to buzz it off or anything.  I cut mine off for the summer but I'm letting my surfer curls grow back out now.  Maybe leave it a little long and shaggy around the bottom of the ears to the chin length. I'm one of those people who doesn't care to much what people think of me. So i say go for it!

My current length is to my shoulders. I have two brothers and my mom is a cosmetologist so having it done isn't a problem. Mom always said she would never cut it that short cause she would cry. I am currently in a small rural area in Nebraska, that doesn't have protection for those suspected as being gay, lesbian or transgender. I guess what I'm really worried about is how people will talk and I have family around that don't know. There was a guy who walked around here in dresses and he was made fun of and had things thrown at him all the time. People said he had mental problems, good forbid that happen to me. AWWWW why does this have to be so hard. . .Frustrating

I went from hair to my hips, to really short (1/4 inch at the neck, tapering up to about 2 inches on top) all at once.  I never regretted it.  But I've always lived in pretty liberal areas.  And I can tell you, people do automatically assume I'm a lesbian.  I've actually had people react with undisguised shock when they found out I was attracted to men.    And in the wrong community that can be an issue.

Which reminds me of an obnoxious old lady in a store I worked in who demanded one of the managers help her, because she didn't want to deal with "that dyke" over there.  The ironic thing was, she was referring to a straight employee, while talking to a lesbian manager.  It was all about the hair. 



P.S. A possible compromise for now would be to go with a short, but fairly feminine cut, like a pixie.  It might make you more comfortable, without making everyone think "bulldyke".

Quote from: Jamie-o on October 31, 2008, 06:58:49 AM
I went from hair to my hips, to really short (1/4 inch at the neck, tapering up to about 2 inches on top) all at once.  I never regretted it.  But I've always lived in pretty liberal areas.  And I can tell you, people do automatically assume I'm a lesbian.  I've actually had people react with undisguised shock when they found out I was attracted to men.    And in the wrong community that can be an issue.

P.S. A possible compromise for now would be to go with a short, but fairly feminine cut, like a pixie.  It might make you more comfortable, without making everyone think "bulldyke".

I got the "pixie" haircut, I wear it more feminine in public...
But as you all have said, people will assume you are a lesbian if your hair is any shorter than 4 or 5 inches  .

I had one really butch looking girl "check me out" one day, which annoyed me, so I just looked straight forward..
Really who are they to judge, if they don't see me checking out other girls?

I just said, screw it, I hated long hair so much. Now that it's short, i wish I'd always had short hair. And I feel a little better about myself when I look in the mirror too, cause then it's easier to imagine myself as a guy.
God knows the hours I wasted trying to manage it cause it would poof in the crappy florida humidity... and the wind blowing it in your face.. and having to put it in a ponytail.. good god, the things women do to look beautiful, is just, completely ridiculous!!!

Quote from: perfectisolation on November 04, 2008, 03:31:33 AM
God knows the hours I wasted trying to manage it cause it would poof in the crappy florida humidity... and the wind blowing it in your face.. and having to put it in a ponytail.. good god, the things women do to look beautiful, is just, completely ridiculous!!!

Perfectisolation. .You are so true about what women go through. . it is really stupid!

I think I am going to do it, but I hate the lesbian look. .it is to me irritating and at times insulting. I have two brothers so I have really been staring at them to see what type of cut I should get. .HAHA It has been an ongoing joke that I should cut my hair just like my younger brother so i can go take his college math placement tests for him!!! HAHA He is a typical jock that hates school!!

Quote from: darius82501 on November 04, 2008, 09:46:15 PM
I think I am going to do it, but I hate the lesbian look. .it is to me irritating and at times insulting.

Dude I'm sure I get mistaken for a lesbian every minute of everyday but you know what? I don't care!! It don't matter cause I know who I AM inside. That's ALL that matters. So what if people see me as something else? The real people, those worthwhile, will see past that, and get to know me for who I really am.

I got my hair cut and I'm loving it.


GO FOR IT BRO!!!