I am so very sorry for both your wife and yourself.
What a very difficult situation for you to be in. I don't know what sort of work you do, but is it at all possible that you can gradually move some of the work into more of a "telecommuting" role - i.e. working from home? Failing that, could you perhaps be transferred or find work in a more accepting company that may, again in the longer term, be accepting if you decide to transition? There's no quick and easy fix here, but maybe in the longer 2 to 5 year term, you could figure something out. In the meantime, perhaps it would be worth you starting to see a gender therapist anyway, and maybe consider going on anti-androgens, later adding very low dosages of female hormones once you have a bit of a longer term plan. With low hormone dosages you should get some of the benefits in mood and mental changes while feminisation should be very slow, if it occurs at all. Either way, finding a therapist you can discuss your situation and some options with is a good idea.
Also consider joining some TG support groups or social circles. Again, there might be contacts, referrals and ideas that you may not have considered yet. If nothing else, not being so alone is a huge plus.
~Simone.
