Can we please not turn this into a gaming discussion? The thread is about dreams. Thanks.

Stealth

Tanks.

Cindy

I had a weird dream last night. I think, sometimes its hard to remember my dreams when my life demands attention as soon as I wake up.

Anyways I had this dream where I am walking in a forest and see a statue. it looked like the famous statue that has its arms broken off. (I'm a science major not an art critic. ;P) I reached up and touched it and literally felt myself thrown across the forest. I don't usually feel in dreams, but occasionally do.

When I sit up I see a much more fit verson of my male self. Now I wasn't fat before but this version of me would have sent some comic-book heros away in shame. Realizing that set off a semi-lucid state. I also realized that he had a very big sword pointed at me. From here we had a talk as I stood up.

Eric: You are pathetic.
Terra: How so?
Eric: How bad could life been? I never struggled that much and was doing pretty good.
Terra: You were coasting through life in a naive state. You didn't care.
Eric: You do? Suppose that's why grades just keep slipping, right?
Terra: I got a lot of-
Eric: Problems? Most of those problems came when you came.
Terra: You got a point or you gonna get that sword out of my face?
Eric: I'm taking back my life!

At this point he attacked, I somehow parryed the blade with a rapier that suddenly was in my hands. Back and forth we went untill finally he got a hit in with his sword. As he stood over me gloating and kicking me I used my sword and stabbed him in the heart. He looked very surprised and simply vanished. I managed to crawl bleeding over to the statue and reached up to touch it when my alarm went off.

Don't know if it means anything, but it was certainly weird. I woke up checking my side still feeling phantom pain.

Wow! The symbolism of your dream is so striking and relevant. It dramatized the inner struggle that so many of us have been through. It's very good that you won the fight, albeit wounded. I think we all get wounded in that struggle (it can't be helped-- we struggle against our own selves). That you triumphed in the end is very significant as well as...

Quote from: Terra on October 16, 2008, 08:20:31 PMthe famous statue that has its arms broken off.

You mean the Venus de Milo?



As the world's most widely-known symbol of female beauty for all time, she's a powerful image of the Eternal Feminine empowering you to be who you are.

In most of my dreams, I am in my current state of pre-everything transsexual.  However, I have had a few dreams where I am fully physically male, and also have longish green hair.  I had a dream recently where my eldest sister (or, in the dream, brother) was also transsexual.   I also had a dream with some disgustingly obvious symbolism (there was a closet), and to make a long story short it basically made out trying to be myself right now would be a bitter struggle that might not succeed, but should be tried anyway no matter the consequences (uplifting dreams I have).  A very telling dream from my childhood had a part where I was running in a field with many boys.  Of course, that was to show that I was "one of the lads," I may have even thought of that part of the dream as the part where I was running "with the other boys," but when I described this dream to others, I did not phrase it that way.

Quote from: Hypatia on October 16, 2008, 10:21:30 PM
You mean the Venus de Milo?

As the world's most widely-known symbol of female beauty for all time, she's a powerful image of the Eternal Feminine empowering you to be who you are.

Yeah, its weird as I know i've never heard of it referred to in that way. Maybe i tapped into something that night.

Posted on: October 17, 2008, 01:21:43 pm

---

I had another dream, I just woke from it. I guess it was more a nightmare the first part and weird the second.

In it i walked down a corridor and into a funeral parlor. It was similar to the one I saw my grandmother in, I've only been to two funerals, I guess this makes a third. I saw people talking and pointing to an altar on the other side of the room. On it lay a tall woman wearing a purple dress. She wasn't in a coffin, but out for everyone to see.

I walked forward and passed a mirror, I saw my reflection and stopped. It crossed my mind that my reflection was wrong, but it wasn't enough to trigger anything lucid. In the reflection I was a full guy again. Except my hair was longer in a manish ponytail and I had a goatee. I turned back forward and finished making my way to the alter. It was me, the female me. She looked so peaceful laying there, but I guess everyone does in that sort of situation.

Everyone started to gather around me and I clearly head statements about how good it would be since 'she' was gone. My roommates, my family, even a few of my friends. How they could stop hearing me whine about my life, or how they would never have to deal with such a horrible person again. On and on and though every person was talking I heard them one at a time. They seemed all very happy, I was reminded in my dream of the Christmas Carol. I remember feeling very sad at that analogy. When I looked back down my female self was crying as well. Then she opened her eyes and the voices stopped.

"Why are you letting me die? Why do you want to die so badly?" She seemed so sad, and the look she gave me was one a mother gives a child. I couldn't answer, and she continued, "I know it seems we are two people, but I am you and you me. I don't want to die, why do you?"

"Because i'm so tired of the pain, i'm tired of caring, or not caring, or whatever it is I do!" I shouted at her, suddenly angry unlike I have ever been for some time. "It all started with you! It always had to be you! I had a life I had to give up so you could live! I gave up so much and now I could lose everything!" I cried and shook. She was suddenly sitting and cupped my face.

"You would have rather lived a lie?" She asked. I opened my mouth and she placed a finger on my lips. "Regardless of your physical body, what you are is what you are. No wishing or cursing will change that fact. Nothing they say will change that either."

"I don't want this, I want what men want and what women want. I don't know who I am anymore!"

She shook her head gently, "That is because you are both, you were raised as both and you will die as both. Because we are both just as real. It just happens that the female side of you is slightly more dominant. But it doesn't mean you can't be those things." She spoke calmly, "With all the things you have been through and seen, why would you believe differently?" She had a sad smile as she said the next bit.

"Life is pain, but it is through that pain that we learn what life truly is. To run away from that, to let your fear and pain overwhelm you is to miss out on this lesson. Instead of concentrating on the pain, let it help you find the points of happiness in your life." She took my hand and lead me down another corridor, at this point i'm suddenly female again.  "I know it is hard, but you got this far right? You are as stubborn as they come, are you really going to give up when you are so close to your dreams?" Suddenly i'm in a city, except that there are Japanese words everywhere. Or at least what I think is supposed to be Japanese. I think I was supposed to be in Japan. She let go of my hand, and I looked away at my surroundings. When I looked back it was suddenly my male self. Except that he had that same gentle tone as she had a moment before.

"Now stop being a jackass and get your butt in gear. We got work to do." He was gentle in tone, but still gruff. He poked my head, and I suddenly woke up.


Its a long post in an old post. Sorry if this upsets anyone. I just felt compelled to write this down, and this seemed the most logical place to do it. I dunno, but it was important enough to me for me to remember it so clearly. Maybe someone will get something from this. Dunno, vut i'm going to try and get some more sleep.

Terra,

Sounds like a dream a lot of us have.  The conversation between our two selves and in most that I have heard of the female self is telling the male self that it is alright to let go.  And usually it is a prelude to full time.

IMHO

I had a recurring dream throughout my teens. The dream was in a dark damp cave. A young man was walking down the passage which opened into a larger cavern. In the cavern was a high circular wall with barred windows and no door and within this 'cell' there was a young woman with long dark hair kneeling in the middle and weeping. The young man was sad to see the woman weeping so but could do nothing about it and walked on out of the cave. I only had the dream once after SRS and that time the young man found the cell empty - the young woman had gone. It never happened again. (Pretty clear meaning.)

A couple of times after SRS I had a nightmare where I woke up to find out that it had all been a dream and I was still male. That was the most disturbing and distressing dream I ever had.

Most of my dreams in the early years were rebelling against "male infiltration" - like going in to the women's room and finding urinals on the wall and other women ignoring them. I would get so angry I would rip them down and throw them out, admonishing the other women for not taking offense. (Weird, I know LOL!)

A year or so after SRS my dreams settled down to pretty normal kinds of dreams and have remained so ever since.

Wow, Terra and Jane, I'm so glad you revived this thread and shared those dreams! And yeah, Janet, I agree, a lot of us have that kind of dream just before.

I dreamed as a child everyone does but i can't really remember any specificsI often had nightmares though brought on by my powerful imagination. When I was about 9 I got tired of being afraid and decided to turn my imagination to my advantage. So after that I developed the talent of lucid dreaming whenever my imagination conjured up a nightmare I defeated it through various means. When I was about 11 I started dreaming of myself as a female these where for the most part the same types of dreams I could control except for my gender but it felt so right I didn't want to change that anyway.I do not have any one particular look for my femine self when I dream because it constanly changes depending on what I am dreaming about. My favorite form to take though is of a beautiful young woman with very long silver hair and purple eyes with a fox tail and ears.  I used to think that those dreams where the only kind I ever got and that I never experienced deep dreams. I now know differently that i expierence deep dreams like everyone else but almost never remember them at all when i awaken. I dream now more than I used to but as soon as I wake up it fades from my memory so fast. There is one dream however I experinced in the past that I rember parts of more vividly than any other dream this was about 6 maybe 7 years ago I was 18 or 19 at the time. Ill try to go into as much detail as i can but my memory works against me there. I went to bed was having dreams as normal then hit rem and lost consiousness completely. When the dream started I was a young girl somewhere between 14and 15 I cannot recall what my deatures where like but it was not an apperance I created myself. I was at a type of all female school and religous order. What the religon was I cannot say nor can i describe the apperance of the school but it was out in the wilderness and the dream had a feeling of great age. The school taught devotion to its spiritual principles, martial skill with swords, and use of magic. the environment was very warm and peacful and then it changed. It was nightime there were fires buringing all around and cries of rage and terror filled the night sky. My clothes where torn and there was blood on me I think someone elses. There where bodies lying all around me of students and teachers and men clad in black armor with an insignia I can't remember. Then I saw him. It was a tall figure dressed in all black with armor and a sword darkness itself seemed to flow around him as he walked. The only two features of his face I could tell was his glowing red eyes and the cold smile on his face that can still make me shiver just thinking about it. He raidiated an aura of malice and despair so strong I couldn't even get off my knees only watch in terror. A few of the strongest teachers stood opposing him as his smile never waivered. They fought with everything they had but one by one he cut them down brutaly seemingly as if he where toying with them. When he was through he slowly walked up to me as I stood their completely numb with sheer terror and my brain kept screaming run stupid. Right as he got to me he raised his sword and then the dream ended and I woke up with a cold sweat shaking. Before anyone ask no this dream was not related to my GID im sure of that and the figure was not my male self. Just thought i would share since its the most vivid one ive ever had.

I have found that since SRS that places designated for women like washrooms and other community women's groups are sacred to me and would find it very intrusive to find a male among us unless invited by the other patrons in the gathering. Well anyway that's me.

I guess having the women's street center raided by males a couple of months ago has made me feel a little more humble having those like my self about me. Strength and security in numbers. Eventually it was one brave red headed lady, close to six feet tall was the one to step outside and tell the perpetrators to back off half shoving one out on the street, the other just took off for safer haven.

Well I had a rather strange dream last night. As most here already know that I spent a number of years living on the streets, but I was closer to middle age back then.

In this dream I was a young girl of about ten and my mom and I lived on the street in a small run down dingy little apartment. Surprisingly I was a rather chirpy happy girl child, always smiling and willing to do any little odd job for folks that lived in the community. Especially house cleaning, yard cleaning, and small repairs for older folks who were not so capable of doing for themselves.

I would pocket my dimes nickels and quarters and any other baubles I was given to pawn off at the pawn shop. At the end of the day I would walk back kind of all cheery and glowy inside, content with my days work. Upon arriving at home I would sit to eat what ever my mom could muster up for us for super.

I would clean our little apartment and do what ever small repairs I could to it, trying my best to make it look bright and cheery.

I was truly a happy child and my mom and I were very close. There are a few similarities in reality to this dream such as my mom and I being close. I have always believed she knew my innermost secrete and I was a happy child. But all other similarities to the dream end there. In reality we were a well to do close knit family, My mom, my dad my sister and I. Truly all wonderful folks and I do miss them. In real life when I was a kid my folks always trusted me, and let me come and go from the home without questions asked. Mom and Dad are deceased and my sister disowned me.  I hope I didn't bore everyone with another of my tall tails. 

Cindy




Posted on: November 13, 2008, 08:52:00 am

---

Hi Stealthgrrl, nice to see you are still around, haven't run into you for a while, love the avatar.

Me the pic I have of myself for an avatar is still the most recent and the nicest one of me I have thus far. I am hopping to have some that may look good while Dr. Bassard was giving me a big hug, and I certainly didn't resist, getting hugged by such a gentleman doesn't happen everyday. There is another wonderful french gentleman her to, funny to, likes his humor, he doesn't hesitate giving you a hug either, wow talk about wowing someone off her feet. 

Cindy

Boring, Cindy? Not at all, I thought it was very sweet.

Thank you about my avatar. I got it from our resident avatar queen, Leiandra. 

I had a dream two nights ago which was just sort of odd lol. I was in a bedroom with my friend Sherri, who may be a little bent, but who is not gay. We were on the bed, clothed, but in each other's arms with our legs entiwined, and i thought, sheesh, tease the lesbian why don't ya. Ha! In my dream, this was the second time recently that a straight gf had done this. I remember thinking that in the dream.

So, I decided to get off the bed, and the room, the ENTIRE rest of the room, was a beautiful pool! There were pretty curtains at the windows, and paintings on the walls, and flowers in vases, but except for the walls and ceiling, it was all water. So I kicked off from the edge of the bed and floated out and relaxed. There were even colorful pillows floating around, which somehow seemed to stay dry.

I expect the dream is pretty simple really. I had thought, I am going to stop snuggling with this woman before she figures out that I am wet. And then, the entire room was "wet." So much for my best laid plans!

The room really was extraordinarily pretty, though. It looked rather like a Maxfield Parrish painting.

Stealth

Dreams are always interesting topic, and im glad i came on this thread, the experiences i read were like mythological? so much emotion and personality.

i also once had the dream of being a girl, these are the only dreams i have and only once i dream of being a boy...truely it did scare me :[ as i stated in a topic of my own i dont feel like myself as boy.
anywho.. back to dream, i had one recently of a girl lying down sleeping beneath a large emerald green tree by the trunk. what was most weird is that i  saw two views at same time, one from point of the girl and one i was looking at girl through thin air. Eveerything seem happy but at same time it was not :[

i also had one where there was a mirror. and like the other one two view point (i seem to have this ones alot!) I was man and woman, between us a mirror and what seems 5 feet distance. We look at Each other, he woman looking confident but the man looked weak.

I dont know exactly what this means.

Gee, I am discovering that these "dual" dreams are very common among us. And why shouldn't they be? We truly do inhabit (or inhabited) two worlds, one male, one female. It sounds as if the female part of you is definitely the stronger, Alessandra, so it isn't surprisng that your second dream confirms this.

All I can offer on the first dream is that the view from above is literally a "higher" viewpoint, something that is indeed above ordinary perception.

Thanks, everyone, for keeping this thread going, I am glad you are enjoying it!

Hi Stealthgrrl hon,

This is my dibs only on this. Since the exterior part of our body was what our parents and the rest of the world believed us to be so they conditioned and raised us to be what they though was a boy, regardless of some of the rebelion some of us displayed through our displeasure of there insisting that we are not girls and that we are boys and to act accordingly. So here we go, off to school with our little Donald Duck lunch pails dressed like boys, who were we to dispute this decision, we were outnumbered by the grown ups.

I never told my parents although the desire was there I kept it hid. my parents caught me dressing up a could of times and that was the end of that. But the notion of there being a girl inside was so strong and insistant that I made that female ego into my imaginary friend for a good many years. 

So in our subconscious mind resides both genders, and both genders are constantly  in battle within the mind. Since this is a part of our nature I would have to believe that any given dream and maybe even in the same dream you will see yourself as one or the other or both. In our minds both the female and male characteristics are intertwined with one another like two souls living within one body.

Cindy

Quote from: cindybc on November 15, 2008, 09:48:18 AMIn our minds both the female and male characteristics are intertwined with one another like two souls living within one body.

That is something I have often heard and I suspect it may have been my short-coming (which was also my drive to resolution) because I couldn't find that male aspect. My earliest identity was feminine and all the pressure to be otherwise just caused confusion and later anger. Dreams were predominantly girl, though occasionally neutral and it all just meant I couldn't stop fighting. If I had been able to identify, integrate to even a small degree, I probably would not have done what I did as early as I did.

Hi Norhtern Jane back in my day this idea of transsexuality and the psychological aspects of it and what it meant was not well known back in my day. It was seen as a sick thing to do and lets not even think of consequences were if I dared tried to tell anyone else about it. So I didn't, but for survival sake I had to repress it all down inside and do my best to play the roll of supposed to be a boy thing. I never said I accepted it but to accept it I would need to talk to some body about it it.

So where did that leave me? Play out my fantasies of being a girl in the privacy of where ever I had a place where there was privacy, usually in the woods. Now as far as I am concerned I am as female as I will ever be and I never stopped reveling int the freedom to be so. I might be old in age but physically I am as fit as a teenager and have the spirit of one and I thoroughly love life and living. I wish I could impart this to every single Trans person on this board, life would be so much less complicated.

Yes, I knew from an early age that the body was wrong for how I felt inside but had no way of understanding why that was so.

Cindy

Quote from: cindybc on November 15, 2008, 12:28:44 PMYes, I knew from an early age that the body was wrong for how I felt inside but had no way of understanding why that was so.

I fully understand! In the 1960's I felt like I was fighting my way through the dark - nobody understood, nobody could comprehend, nobody had heard anything like this. I knew somebody had done something (Christine Jorgensen) but nobody knew what or how. I had a shrink telling me I was Gay at 15 (and telling my parents that to!) and I knew I was risking a padded cell, "aversion therapy", and other nasty consequences, but I HAD to keep trying. I met Dr. Harry Benjamin in New York in 1966 and that was the first time I met anybody who didn't think I was nuts (and a doctor no less!). I didn't truly understand it myself until I "came out the other side" in the spring of 1974 (courtesy of Dr. Stanley Biber), look back, and see how absolutely RIGHT it was for me, that I had been right all along.

It is a hell of a thing to face when you are by yourself and there is no information and no support. Thank god times have changed, thank god for the Internet, and thank god for a "system" to help those who are trying to figure it all out today!

I transitioned to full time in the summer of 2000, five months after my son died from getting struck by a truck when he was crossing the highway. There just wasn't anything holding me back then, and I had already known about what transsexuality was by that time.

My oldest daughter was my strongest supporter and I was also supporting her through some hard times she was having with her abusive ex. That ->-bleeped-<- even chased my daughter and I with his tow truck, down a back road. I thought for certain he was going to try and crowd us off the road but at the very last moment he just roared past us and kept going. I certainly was thanking every saint and angel, including all of the aliens, if they were watching, everywhere under and above heaven that night. 

As for my ex, she didn't give a crap what I did. I just wish I had started transitioning sooner, but it all worked quite well with the job and the folks I associated with every day in that little town I lived in. Everyone treated me well, I have no complaints.

I had no support in my transitioning outside of my shrink whom I personally educated on trassexuality. In return he just made the appointments for the right people, which the first order of business was an evaluation by some shrinks in the city as to whether I was trans or not in order to be able to get an appointment with an endocrinologist to get on HRT. My evaluation returned and I was without doubt  transsexual.

I did all the moves and the paper pushing myself so I guess I can be proud of that part at least, well not least, I also did very well in doing social work right on up to this day. Four years ago I had the surgery that would complete me as much as medical science could make me. I enjoy working with people in need, I love being with people, other women in particular. That's about it for my story in a nut shell and for some an uneventful, perhaps even boring story.

Cindy 

Sometimes dreams are just that 'Dreams'.  But I am not really speaking for the nighttime visualizations.  Those are the subconscious working things out.  Some may say that it is their spirit  guides showing them signs. I am speaking of the ones we have for ourselves.  I have always wanted to be a woman, wife and mother.

Woman - A happy work in progress.
Wife - that would entail having someone who loves you.  And that may never happen.
Mother - Adoption, maybe.  But I am not in a position to care for myself, let alone a little one.  By
             Marriage.  Well this would entail the second and they would have to have kids or we adopt.
             And my age could nullify that one.

Hey, but one out of three isn't to bad,  And I am still sort of young enough to accomplish the second.  Maybe ??

Sorry, Stealth hon.   I am just feeling a little melodically.