I was just wondering if any of you TGs have had doubts/second thoughts about your transition?

I am 20 years old, and I have been on spiro since I was 18, so I am still quite "neutral". I have lost about 90% of my facial hair, but I am still living as guy full time b/c of my situation at home. I have been seeing a gender therapist since I was 17, and I am out to my mom and most of my friends. I am enjoying the effects that the few steps I have taken have had on me, but just today I have been having some doubts (i think?)

I don't like my male clothes, or any male features I still have. I am attracted to men, and I want to be some man's girlfriend some day, and I want to be intimate with him on a straight basis. I know that for sure.

I was advised by my shrinks and one of my profs (who is a gender researcher) that I should take my time, and there is no rush---but there is a rush! The longer you wait, the less chance you have to pass, generally...plus, the early you do it, the more you can establish yourself as a girl in society. Since I am so young, I think I have a relatively good chance of success.

It's just wierd b/c I remember a few weeks ago I wanted to start dressing up so bad and I was trying to convince my mom that I was ready. Now I'm not so sure. It's not like I'm getting SRS tomorrow morning, but this new overnite revelation really scares me. Everyone else seems to be so sure! Sounds familiar?

Chrissi

all of us go through it, i think.

Transition is a massive massive change to anybodies life, and i think that its only natural to feel scared, or insecure, or confused, or to have doubts about it.  All humans experience that when they face any major change.  And i'm guessing most TGs had at least some doubts before starting transition, even if its not something often talked about.  I certainly had doubts at first. 

But you have to remember that transition is completely your decision.  You don't need your mum, therapist, or professors permission or approval to go ahead.  All that matters is what you need to do.

Chrissi:

Having doubts is normal.  Any significantly life altering act *should* cause you to second guess, or at least really examine your feelings to know if what you are about to do is right for you.

Everyone has had those doubts.  They may or may not have verbalized them, but I know that at least I did question myself.  Was I doing the right thing?  Is it the right time?  Do I really want to go forward or do I want to go back?

For you to have those questioning thoughts is a good thing.  So I think it means that you are making sure that this is the right thing for you.  Naturally, only you can answer that question.

As far as taking your time, well, that is a matter of opinion.  Yes, you are young yet.  Really!  And if you delay taking more steps to verify to yourself that you are doing the right thing would be good.  But to simply delay for the sake of delaying doesn't sound effective to me.  But I cannot speak for you.

As far as the effects of feminization goes with HRT, your body would normally complete puberty and masculinization at about 25-28.  The latter effects of maturation have more to do with musculature and bone density.  Since you are on spiro, you have interrupted your puberty and may have actually started going through a feminine puberty.  So in that respect, you don't necessarily need to rush if you are worried about your body becoming more masculine.  It probably is not.  Though of course, only a physician can tell you truly.

Your ability to pass will actually get better the longer you are on spiro.  And if you start estrogen, then your feminization will increase.

So I think in a round a bout way, I am saying you sound completely normal (for a transsexual).  Go with your feelings and every now and then re-examine your motives and actions to make sure you are doing the right thing.

One of the primary reasons for doing things this way is because this is a one way trip.  Many of the actions we take are irreversible.  Good therapy practices suggest putting off irreversible changes for as long as possible to make sure that the client is really prepared for the results of their actions.

Additionally, if you stay on spiro and estrogen, you will effectively become chemically castrated.  If you stop, you won't necessarily get back the functions of your testes nor will you be able to produce sperm.  You are already on that one way trip.  Be ready.

-Sandy

 It is normal to have doubts about transition. Speaking for myself . I have doubts all the time. I know I am a woman but, do I really want to leave my old life behind and do this? I left a good life in Hawaii for a ->-bleeped-<-ty one in chicago. I wonder if I`ll ever be passable. I have been on hormones for a year and have no feminin traits. But I know I could never handle the pain of going off hormones and back to that old life of wishing I could transition with no way to do it. So yes, Doubts are quite normal for me.

Angie,

Bottom-line? Yes, people often have doubts, often delay for even years over whether or not to transition.

Truth to tell, from what you've written your doubts appear to have been placed there by shrinks and a prof. Hmmmm. The staid advice is always to "go-slow." In terms of discovering yourself and moving into a different way of presenting yourself to the world, that's prolly pretty fair advice.

But, you've also gotta try to see who's talking to you and why they might be saying what they say. 1) First off the shrinks will be looking toward mental illness. I mean it's fairly natural. Think about it, hammers think everything's a nail often enough. 2) If the shrinks and the prof are male I can also pretty easily imagine there's a component of "self-preservation" at work as well.

Imagine them sitting there, considering from a pov that basically has never had the type issues you have with "identity," contemplating the fileting of their penises and living their lives as females. Sorry, but I know from experience a clinican of any kind is NOT going to be totally able to view these matters without their own ideas and feelings coming into play. The prof maybe moreso than the others. Just a fairly factual explanation.

In fact, at your next sessions you might ask them, you really can ask questions of your own to these folks, how they think they might feel about doing a transition. Try to hold them to the point and not accept deflections (we call that re-direction, as in turning you around.) Then you might get a better idea of where they stand internally.

3) You appear from your post to be pretty firmly decided on a couple of things and one is how you wish to live your life and who you find yourself to be. That's very good. 4) There is no guarantee that as you get older your body won't feminize well. But, you are also pretty right about better results being more available when you're younger. 

If the doubts are yours then explore them. Try to discover what the deep-lying thoughts behind that are if you can. If you're simply hesitating due to the "go-slow" advice then look at the "vested-interests" of the people telling you what they've told you.

O, not all female gender-therapists are totally accepting of the validity of "gender-identity" either. They could also have their own set of qualms about your transition.

It simply pays, Chrissi, to know where those doubts you say you have, but don't name, are arising.

All the best. And please do keep us posted.

Nichole

Oh yes, definitely. I am not in transition but am questioning the heck out of myself. Doubting many things in my life; and not just transition either. It shows you aren't just willing to dive head first into something without weighing things a little. It shows you have the care and respect for yourself to do your best to make the right decisions for you and your well-being.

As Kassandra previously stated, doubts over anything that is a more significant life decision is absolutely normal.

Is it frustrating? Yup. Is it time-consuming? You bet. Is it normal? Most certainly

I haven't yet begun to transition, but what I do feel is the ticking clock feeling. I'm 18 and young I know. I have been trying to sort through my feelings and hope to better have a grasp on myself by seeing a therapist. For me I haven't yet started on hormones or spiro, but have been dressing en femme because, for me, that was what brought on my feeling of possibly being a transsexual. I've been wearing my skirt and nail polish(its a fairly light commitment to my feminine side) since Sunday and am still trying to figure out everything. Yes I have very very real doubts but I have a feeling that I will be able to find ground to stand on soon, and hopefully it will be sooner rather than later.
Best wishes,
Sarrah M.

Hey all, thanks for the advice, I'm already feeling a bit better about things. Transition may not be as scary as I think.

I have already pretty much become sterile, its very difficult to get an erection and I have very little sperm left. Its just a bit of a scary experience. I just don't want these doubts to get in my way. It sometimes feels like I am wasting so much time debating this when I could be actually doing it!!