My wife and son were originally supposed to come out to visit my family over thanksgiving with me, but we've decided since I came out that she needed some time apart from me to sort things out in her mind.

I know this had to be done, but it's KILLING me. I hope a week apart leads her to the conclusion that she misses me, loves me and wants to stay together. However, she could also decide after a week of deliberations that she wants to leave me.

Seriously... being 2500 miles from her and my son is torturous right now. I'm trying to have fun with my friends in Seattle, but this dark could is hanging over my head.

Hi mtfbuckeye, hon, a little birdy directed me to this thread.

Will my partner stay? Or will she leave me?

#1, Yes it could go either way, and brace yourself for the very possible outcome that she/he may decide that it's time for the both of you to go each others separate way. Legally, if you have children, she/he can not legally keep you from seeing the children, unless there is an outstanding restraining order or judgment of sorts against you.

#2, How strong was, or is the relationship between you and your partner?
Were you dedicated to each other, were you supportive to each others thoughts and feelings?
When things got tough, was the love between the two of you strong enough to carry the both of you through what ever crisis?

#3, Was the relation ship between the two of you strong?
Was love a strong point in your relationship?
Was there trust in your relationship?
Were these elements shared mutually in your relationship?

#5, Does she feel like she had been deceived by your being who you are within? How long has she known?

#6, Does she know what the basics of being transsexual is about and what it means to have GID?
Was she and is she aware of what the end result of this trans syndrome is?

It is *not* a choice, a fetish, a fad, or a life style that will just go away, fade away like any other wannabees day dream fantasies, nor is it a middle age crisis type of thing that will just blow away on the morning breeze by the time the sun comes up over the next days horizon.

It don't work that way,  it is a need a compulsion, a relentless compulsion, that can lead to serious complications if ignored. It will not go away no mater what you do to repress it. It is an inside job as I call it, and if left untreated it will either lead to an early death, a miserable life or a complete break down.

If you are truly transsexual then the only way to avoid the negative end result as mentioned above is to complete the transitioning journey. That is the only cure all pill that I am aware of that is available to us. Unfortunately the therapy and the meds required  to accomplish this costs money and a lot of stress, like the saying goes, blood sweat and tears to accomplish this journey. Maybe we all paddle different shaped, sises and colored canoes, but we are all on the same river.

If both parties involved have a bond and a love strong enough to carry the both of them through the stressful and rigorous days of transitioning then your relationship marriage can endure anything that life can dish out at the both of you.

Unfortunately that strong a love is as rarity indeed. As rare as the rarest of blue diamonds.

If you wish you may share this post with your partner.

Cindy                 

Just an observation from reading your posts. You sound very stary eyed and full of excitement about discovering who you are inside. I think it is easy to forget those around us when feeling this way and charging ahead.

Not that long ago you were saying you were not quite sure what you were. Is this still the case? Was comming out premature? Do you have a plan? I get the feeling things are heading for a bit of a wrek and you said yourself it is like waiting for the hammer to fall. I could be totally wrong and I don't think I have the whole story but I am concerned about you regardless.

Do you need to step back and re-evaluate things?

Hi, Buckeye!

The distance and time apart can be beneficial. However, don't be surprised when you get back that the answer is "I don't know". I also hope there wasn't an ultimatum-type situation, kind of like "I need a decision in a week". That's way too short of a timeframe to process everything. Depending on how you look at my timeframes, it was either 3-4 months or 9 years.

As SO's it takes us quite a bit of time to catch up to where our spouses are in their journey. We have to do a lot of information processing/soul searching up front. How much time that will take depends on the person. We don't all process information at the same rate and each individual will have unique issues to deal with.  Also, your wife needs to go through a grieving process. She is "losing" her "husband" and "gaining" a "wife", that will take some time for her to process. She's probably also worried about your children and what/how to tell them. Then there's her "public" image - will she be OK with being perceived as a lesbian? And there's tons of other things that may be going through her mind.

If you want the best shot at your marriage succeeding then you *both* must walk the path at the same pace. If one of you runs ahead or lags behind, then you will most likely fail. You must have open and honest communication between you both as well. If you don't know how your partner is feeling or what they are thinking, then it will be difficult to reach compromises.

If you are not already in couple's therapy, I would highly recommend it. Danielle and I have found couple's sessions very rewarding and helpful with our journey. Your wife may also want some individual sessions as well, so she has a neutral party to speak with.

I would also like to recommend learning to listen. Listen to your wife's concerns, fears, questions, etc without judgment. It's a window into how she's feeling and what she is thinking. It may help you understand things from her viewpoint, and also may give you opportunities to address her fears/concerns.

Good luck and feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk.

WR

P.S. You may also want to ask if your wife would like to talk with us too. It may help her feel less alone and isolated. I'd be happy to chat with her too