So, I dont post here often, but this has sort of been on my mind. Bare with the rambling

As transition is chugging along and my thoughts are turning to the idea of coming out at work and all that jazz, I realize I am sort of conflicted.  On the one hand, I just want to keep my job.  So many stories of it going badly and whatnot, especially with these weird economic times, I'll just be happy to have a job at the end of it.  Even if people dont respect me, even if my employer tries to hide me from the customer, even if I dont get a raise at the end of the year, heck even if I had to take a pay cut, I would still be happy to just have a job.

The biggest thing that bothers me is this is NOT how I should view it.  I should keep my job because I preform work that is valuable to the company.  I should get a raise because I'm darned good at what I do.  I should demand the same sort of respect and compensation as if I were to never transition.  They are not 'doing me a favor' by keeping me at the company.  I dont owe them anything for 'putting up with me' or something.  We fight so hard to not be considered second class citizens, and yet there are times like this where I find that I am voluntarily lowering my status, at least in my brain. And that needs to stop.  Its just hard. 

I know I am still working through coming to terms with being trans, and how I feel about it, and accepting that I am a woman, not a woman*, but I have had other occurrences of similar phenomenon and its been weighing on me a bit.  If I dont think I deserve to be treated with the same respect as everyone else, how can I expect people to actually treat me as anything other than a second class citizen?  I dont like admitting this, but I realize if I dont recognize and acknowledge my thoughts and feelings, I wont be able to move beyond them.

Anyway, thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

  I understand your feeling totally.  It would be nice if things worked that way, they actually paid you because you were good and not worry about how you identify.


Sarah L.

it sounds rude but change your stuff legally then search for a new job, transition and move into the new job as who you really are, with all the problems i've had if you start how you want to you'll have a hell of a lot less problems later on.


Warrior Princess Mickie

Quote from: The Only Warrior Princess Mickie on November 26, 2008, 07:52:25 PM
it sounds rude but change your stuff legally then search for a new job, transition and move into the new job as who you really are, with all the problems i've had if you start how you want to you'll have a hell of a lot less problems later on.


Warrior Princess Mickie

Yeah, I do have options for moving later and starting a new job where they only know me as female etc.  but more so the point of the post was about my feelings towards transition, and how I view myself.  The work stuff is more context.  Like, if i dont think I deserve to be treated as a regular employee, they sure as heck wont treat me as a regular employee.  And rightly so.  If I dont think i deserve to be treated like a female, people wont treat me as female.  In thinking abut coming out at work, im realizing  im not there yet, mentally/emotionally.  If that makes sense.