Thank you Karen and Janet. Both excellent letters. lets sock it to 'em!
Here's mine... its a bit long. Sorry ...
To whom it may concern,
I watched the show Dr. Phil did about transgendered children. I was extremely displeased with how one sided he was. In fact, I was extremely disturbed over the choice of the shows title "Gender Confused Children". Dr. Phil was extremely biased against the transgendered children and I even felt that during his interview with one of the children that he was trying to sway her or convince her that she was mistaken. I thought the job of a psychiatrist was to help people come to terms with their problems, not try and make them conform to his own personal beliefs.
The parents of the transgendered children, as well as the doctor that was on stage with them, were not given near the amount of talk time as the christian doctor from Focus on the Family.
Let me tell you about myself.
I am a 33 year old pre-op transsexual woman. I was born into an Apostolic Pentecostal home. My parents are extremely conservative. I grew up with out ever having a television in my home. I was never allowed to watch any type of movie no matter where I was. I was forced to wear very masculine clothes. I had to get my hair cut every two weeks and I was forbidden to play with anything feminine.
My earliest memory of being different was at age four. My mom would put me down for a nap in her room every day and as soon as she would leave the room I would get up and play in her cloths. There was a baby doll with a changeable face that she kept in one of her dresser drawers that I just loved to play with. My mother never caught me in her cloths but she did catch me with the doll and I was strictly reprimanded for playing with "girl things".
All through grade school I was fascinated with the various hair decorations that the girls wore and I wanted to be able to wear them too. I was never permitted to wear clothing the had any type of design on it and all colors had to be " non flashy". No pink, light blue, yellow, light green,...etc. I asked my mother on day around about first grade why I couldn't wear clothes with pictures on them. She told me very sternly that "that type of clothing was not for boys." I asked her why the other boys at school could wear them. She told me that I had to show an example to the other boys and dress the way Jesus wanted me to dress. I never asked her again. I sensed that the subject was not open for discussion.
I lived the boys life until I was fourteen years old. At fourteen I started feeling even stronger that my body was wrong somehow. One night, while bathing for bed, I noticed a small hair growing from my pubic area. I was disturbed, but I had been told that every one grows hair there. Then I noticed more hair under my arms and on my legs... I screamed!
My mom came running to she what was wrong then broke out laughing when I told her what was wrong. She sat me down later that night and told me that I was just becoming a man... it was natural. I felt like I had been hit in the stomach. I told her, " I don't wanna look like a monkey". She just laughed and said it's only natural that I grew hair. I asked her why she didn't have hair like that. She told me only boys grow body hair. I ran from them room crying " I don't wanna become a man!".
Later that year I had acquired some girls clothing that I kept hidden. One night, while wearing them, I was caught by both my mother and my father. They said I was possessed by a devil and one of them, I can't remember which, kept asking me if I was a ->-bleeped-<-ot. The punishment was severe and I convinced myself that I was cured. I never dressed again until I was age eighteen. I went through a vicious cycle of buying women's clothing every few weeks then getting rid of them out of fear and guilt.
For years after that my dad spent countless hundreds of dollars and days with me building tree houses and forts and bikes. He did his best to be a father to me and guide me on the path to manhood. I think he did a great job at it and I love him for it. He never abused me or mistreated me after that incident. He loved me as a father should love his son. He probably spent more time with me then he did with my two older brothers combined. He did his best.
At age twenty-one I was married and went into the ministry convinced that I was healed and delivered from my demons. I preached hellfire and brimstone and condemned homosexuality and effeminate men to hell. Every time I felt those urges rise up, I would lock myself in the church and throw myself upon the alter, crying out to God to deliver me from this devil. I cried and prayed so hard that I ruptured blood vessels in my cheeks and eyes and passed out from physical exhaustion. I lived that way until age twenty-seven and I just couldn't do it any more. I left the Pentecostal church and started sinking into a bottomless depression. I became verbally aggressive to my wife and started going into rages where I would throw things and punch holes in walls. I started seeing a therapist for anger and depression and after many months of that I was convinced that my GID was due to not being sexual satisfied with my wife.
We divorced and I went on a quest to find the woman that would "cure me". I though I found her but eight months into the relationship I knew it was all a mistake. I started to come to terms with my GID at age twenty-eight but I still lived in denial about the true nature of it. I got remarried to my current wife in April of 2007 and because I was still struggling with my feelings we almost divorced.
Finally after much soul searching I came to terms with what I am. I AM A WOMAN!!! I brought every thing out into the open with my wife who has now become my biggest supporter and friend. I started Counseling and hormone replacement therapy and I plan to undergo full SRS over the next three years.
I am happier now then I have ever been in my life. Even on my saddest days, they are not nearly as bad as the were before. I know what I am an I will continue to be who I am. My parents raised and nurtured me in the ways of manhood but in the end, the way I was born, the way my brain was formed in the womb, won out.
Don't tell me that I chose to be this way. Who in the world would want to live that way, always feeling that your body didn't match your mind? My parents did everything in their power to raise me as that crack pot from Focus on the Family said they should and guess what... IT DIDN'T WORK!!!
Nature vs Nurture? You do the math.
