I've been thinking about my issues, but I'm suddenly having doubts. How can I know for sure that this is really who I am? Please, I'm feeling scared.

I`m going to speak for myself. I noticed everytime I suppressed my feelings they just came back stronger every time. It got to the point that i could not work anymore, I couldn`t think of anything but the ned to transition. It is not an easy thing to come to terms with but all i can say is what can and can`t you live with or without?
Angie

My doubts mainly come from fear, it's so much easier to stay the way I am. I know for sure I want to do this, I just need to have the courage to make the leap

Doubts and to question oneself are healthy hunny,

Its what you believe and know in your heart that really matters.

Ive spent most of my life doubting and still do very ocasionally but yes probably born of some inner fear as well more than anything else. Once your issues are out in the open i.e friends / family / work ect they usually dissappear though.

I think my biggest fear is that I might not really be feminine enough. What if I'm really just androgynous? Does that mean that I should just forget about ever transitioning? What if I'm lying to myself? It just scares me.

I can't really help with advice on this one, other than to let you know I have the same issues.

One day it all seems so clear, and the next it's difficult to see any road ahead...

...I guess it's just one of those thing we cannot rush... I am just trying to keep an open mind, and making small steps for the moment...



Chrissty

Quote from: Aelita_Lynn on November 29, 2008, 10:00:01 PM
I think my biggest fear is that I might not really be feminine enough. What if I'm really just androgynous? Does that mean that I should just forget about ever transitioning? What if I'm lying to myself? It just scares me.

Doubts are normal and healthy.  Transition is hard, it's not something you want to do, it's something you need to do basically as a last resort.  But transition is just a word, there isn't a guidebook to follow so the end result and the steps to get there are different for everyone.

I don't know if you can "know" for sure.  At least for me, it's just something I feel.  I've never been comfortable in my body, and no matter what I did or tried I just couldn't keep trying to be male.  How did you know to question your gender identity?  I mean I know I didn't just start looking into it for fun, I hit a breaking point.

For me, sometimes the feeling is overwhelming, and other times it feels like it's entirely manageable.  The more steps I take in my transition, the more right it feels.  I've found that doing what I can, when I can get away with it (in other words, so I'm not outing myself at work or something yet), helps to reduce the number of overwhelming feelings.

Transition is a long process with a lot of steps.  Some of those steps are reversible or temporary if you find it isn't you.  If you want to be sure, try doing some things that you think will make you more comfortable.  If it feels right to you, forget about what others might think, then you can decide where to go next.

Don't rush it or force anything, just be you

Quote from: Aelita_Lynn on November 29, 2008, 10:00:01 PM
I think my biggest fear is that I might not really be feminine enough. What if I'm really just androgynous? Does that mean that I should just forget about ever transitioning? What if I'm lying to myself? It just scares me.

Honey there's a difference between being feminine and being female. The world is full of butch dykes as well as femmes.
You don't have to be femme to be female.
As far as transitioning, if you're a girl, you're a girl and you should live as one.
I think there are a lot of us (whether we admit or not) that are just going to have some residual traits or habits of our birth sex from being raised and taught to conform to that gender.
There's nothing wrong with that.

I find also, that it is usually fear that creates my doubts...dont have any advice...but I feel ya

Being unsure of who you are and being unsure about transition are, in my view, two slightly different things, albeit with a common starting point.

The best advice I can offer is to look inside yourself, use some introspective techniques like meditation... look at who you find there, and notice how being that person makes you feel. Your sense of identity is something that's just there, no matter what you decide or don't decide to do about expressing it. And going with how you feel, intuitively, rather than the analytical thinking and dissecting of everything, I think, leads to a more grounded, surer acceptance of who you are.

In my own experience, being more in touch with your inner self tends to eliminate the "What if this isn't who I am?". That's just a given. The "What if I can never express who I am?" Tends to be harder to remove, since that's reliant, to an extent, on other people's perception of you... and not entirely within your control. But again, if you have a strong core self-image to fall back on, it makes things easier.

Quote from: Dawni on November 29, 2008, 09:07:17 PM
My doubts mainly come from fear, it's so much easier to stay the way I am. I know for sure I want to do this, I just need to have the courage to make the leap

That's how I was, until I grew to be absorbed with the desire to transition, the NEED to.  It became such an obsession, I was not totally in touch with what was going on around me. 
It was like that, until the day came that I could no longer stand it.  Then I said, "just a little estrogen, enough to take the edge off"
Then it was more estrogen, the more it worked its magic, until I went full tilt with no regard.  Like a new-born Galapagos turtle, running for the sea. 


Bev