And so the other shoe drops.

My cousin - quite a bit older than me - mid 40's, comes to visit my mom and dad once or twice a year, and yeah, that was this past weekend.

Now, when I came out to everybody in my letter earlier this year, and my mom and dad went around telling the family, he said something to the effect of:

"That's "his" (sic) business."

Now, I had suspected that my coming out was tolerated and accepted by our extended family solely because my mom and dad made it VERY clear they were accepting, and subtly indicated that they might look unkindly on anything else.

So Friday rolls by, and my cousin pitches.

The man did not look at me once, except this startled deer-in-the-headlights look when he arrived. I tried to make conversation a couple of times during the course of the weekend, but the best I could get from him were these clipped grunting yesses and nos. And there was this muted aggression there, like he was trying very hard not to say something because he did not want to offend his hosts. This morning he could not get out of the house fast enough on his way home. I'm thinking the annual visit might be at an end, till I move anyway.

My gran and an aunt were here a few weeks ago, and that was equally awkward, especially with my gran, who once said:

"We'll fight like tigers to protect our child."

My aunt, quite educated and REALLY well-travelled, was a bit more accepting, but even there, it was just a layer of acceptance. The confusion and ... almost anger? under there was definitely palpable at times.

Call me a pessimist, but I doubt I'm going to get much better reactions from any of the rest of my relatives. Especially the males. Sigh. I think I've managed to single-handedly move my family from from being loved and respected by our relatives to being "those of whom we must not speak."

~Simone.

Some will come around.

Some sooner.

Some later.

Some, perhaps, never.

Give it time.

Karen

These things cannot be helped. Humanity is so fickle and unstable that the very essence of the phrase "what is it that you want" cannot ever be fully realised-either what we want will affect others negatively without actually effecting them, or what we want is never enough.

What you did was for YOU, and NOBODY else. It's like the critics who find fault in a movie, no matter what happens. If they complain about plot, and the plot is fixed, they'll find fault in acting. If acting is superb, they'll find fault in setting, and etc. Your family isn't going to live your life for you. Whatever distress that would have occoured by NOT acting on what you felt was the right path for you, all they could say would be "I'm sorry to hear that. i feel your pain." It's obvious you love them very dearly; and I'm willing to bet they still love you too-but they simply can't express how they feel, like a child who can't express WHY they are angry over something they can't control. In time, they MUST come to accept your choice as you have. There is no escaping the inevitability of coming to terms with the "new" old you; that doesn't mean they will like it. As long as you are happy, and someone eventually comes around, that's what matters.

All the best,
Pariah

First time seeing you presenting female I'm guessing?  And not too long ago you came out?  Just give them some time to accept... regardless of how we feel that we are being true to ourselves, it's hard on others.  And then if they don't, then move on....

My family is pretty large, and there are already a couple of branches "of whom we never speak." One of those is because of a homosexual member, another is a ->-bleeped-<-, I believe. I don't personally know either of them, and probably never will. I can almost guarantee that my part of the family will be the next group of undesireables. Actually, I've often considered finding proper funding to live my own life, then just leaving my family with maybe a vague goodbye note. That way, no shame would come to the rest of my household. =/

Good luck with your family Simone! Hopefully they will come around in time.

hugs,

Z

That really annoys me and is the fear I have of coming out to everyone...

I think the ones it bothers the most are those that hate themselves, of which there are many in this world.

***hugs***

He'll come around.

Or he won't.

And then it's his loss.


But I can understand your feelings about this...like Rita, it is a great fear of mine...to not be welcomed back into the family.

Now...my family is...well...I've never heard about anyone who had homosexual relations...hell, I've never heard anyone talk about their homosexual friends. We don't talk about that stuff in our family. If I hadn't watched television as a kid, I might never have learned there were other ways to be. We don't even have anyone with alcoholism out in the open. Or at least, these things aren't discussed when there are children (even older children) present. I dunno. Perhaps one day I'll find myself at the adult table and I'll hear every story about Gay Cousin Albert and his 'mistress'...

But I'm worried about how they'll take it, especially my father's family.

We'll see.

And maybe your cousin will see too. You can't really blame him for looking at your differently, it is a pretty major change after all...

If not...well...you won't have to see him more than once a year!

~Moi