I should point out that I am "pre" everything lol... pre-HRT, pre-op, pre-FT lol...  That being said, I have noticed recenlty, like the past two weeks or so, a palpable shift in my feelings about things and how I look at myself physically and emotionally.

Last week, for the first time, I told my therapist I feel myself to be TS... no longer merely TG for those who get wrapped up in labels, but anyways the past couple of weeks have left me in a different feeling.  Our relationship has evolved greatly over the past several counseling sessions - she's known me for years for other issues which I believe to be all interconnected to this one - and I asked her if this was a real issue, the real thing.  She comforted me by stating that yes, my GID is real, it's not a manifestation of anything else and in fact probably is the root cause of many of my other issues, namely restlessness in life and the so much "performing" I've done in my male role.

Sorry to ramble.. to the point... the past  couple of weeks I have felt much different about myself.  I feel totally different about my body, and I find myself imagining more so what it would be like to have the physical match the mental.  My sex drive has essentially disappeared - it has nothing to do with my wife, I see other women on the street and previously where I was a hound, I could care less (well I like to see their clothing styles, etc. for tips lol..).  Again, pre-hrt.. anyone else go through this?  As for my penis, well I've never really felt strongly either way, but more and more I feel it gets in the way of things...  It's all hard to describe, but I just feel so different about my physicality....  I can only imagine what it will be like on hormones, and I so cannot wait till it's my time.  Just curious if anyone else went through things similar...

A lot of what you describe sounds very familiar. Around the time I came out to myself I found that it was possible to 'switch' to a kind of female mode, where I thought of myself as a woman and experienced quite a few of the mental changes people commonly describe getting when they start HRT. Some of it was clearly related to the way I've felt phantom breasts for a very long time, now that experience was just more complete and extending to the way I felt about everything, not just some of my most obvious body parts.

I've since got to a point where I can, after some breast growth (not from HRT but a side effect of other medication) and with the help of tucking phase out the male body and sort of re-map the feelings to a female counterpart. In computer terms, it's kind of adding a software layer to emulate a female body on a physically male one. For me it works well enough that I'm pretty sure I can do without most of the medical treatments (with their associated risks and costs). The way I look at good-looking women is still more wistful than lustful, though.

  Nfr

Quote from: Seshatneferw on December 07, 2008, 10:39:16 AM
A lot of what you describe sounds very familiar. Around the time I came out to myself I found that it was possible to 'switch' to a kind of female mode, where I thought of myself as a woman and experienced quite a few of the mental changes people commonly describe getting when they start HRT. Some of it was clearly related to the way I've felt phantom breasts for a very long time, now that experience was just more complete and extending to the way I felt about everything, not just some of my most obvious body parts.

Yeah, when I first came out to myself a couple years ago, I remember being at almost total peace for a few days. I taught myself to switch my female side on and off, usually off in public. It's fun occasionally when I'm out with friends or family but when no one's paying close attention to me, to slip into the female mode for a minute or two. It's actually funny how my entire thought process changes when I do that. In that mode, everything feels more natural and I'm much happier; when I'm emulating a male, which I unfortunately almost always am, I'm dark, pessimistic, and brooding.

An odd note, just last night as I was falling asleep, I found my mind wandering and I ended up keeping myself awake a few extra minutes being bothered by the body parts I don't have that I should and the ones I do have that I shouldn't. I hate it when I reach that kind of awareness, because my whole body disappoints on a massive level.

But I understand the feeling you got when you had that experience with your therapist. I personally can't afford anyone to talk to, but I remember how unreasonably happy I was the few days after I accepted myself for who I was. It was incredible.

Yeap... although I am kind of beyond the male/female mode of acting in oublic.  I just do what comes natural to me now, and if people misconstrue it to be something else, well that's their problem.  I guess kind of like crossdressing FT to be a guy lol.....

As for the elation part, well I've been an admitted TG for a year (admitted lol.. that sounds funny...), but haven't really been totally honest with myself as to being TS.. kind of ducking the truth and that comes with it, which honestly is a little scary...  But I hear you about the anatomy -  as I have told my therapist so many times now, getting ready isn't so much excitement as a pain - I'm tired of the wig and the breastforms.... I would sooo much love to just roll out of bed and be...

Quote from: keriB on December 07, 2008, 08:44:56 AM
I should point out that I am "pre" everything lol... pre-HRT, pre-op, pre-FT lol...  That being said, I have noticed recenlty, like the past two weeks or so, a palpable shift in my feelings about things and how I look at myself physically and emotionally.

Last week, for the first time, I told my therapist I feel myself to be TS... no longer merely TG for those who get wrapped up in labels, but anyways the past couple of weeks have left me in a different feeling.  Our relationship has evolved greatly over the past several counseling sessions - she's known me for years for other issues which I believe to be all interconnected to this one - and I asked her if this was a real issue, the real thing.  She comforted me by stating that yes, my GID is real, it's not a manifestation of anything else and in fact probably is the root cause of many of my other issues, namely restlessness in life and the so much "performing" I've done in my male role.

Sorry to ramble.. to the point... the past  couple of weeks I have felt much different about myself.  I feel totally different about my body, and I find myself imagining more so what it would be like to have the physical match the mental.  My sex drive has essentially disappeared - it has nothing to do with my wife, I see other women on the street and previously where I was a hound, I could care less (well I like to see their clothing styles, etc. for tips lol..).  Again, pre-hrt.. anyone else go through this?  As for my penis, well I've never really felt strongly either way, but more and more I feel it gets in the way of things...  It's all hard to describe, but I just feel so different about my physicality....  I can only imagine what it will be like on hormones, and I so cannot wait till it's my time.  Just curious if anyone else went through things similar...

yes,Keri. i'm going through exactly that now and have been for about two years. these are some of the other feelings i've been trying to tell my wife but she wouldn't believe me. but i also am still sexually attracted to women, she wants to be believe once on hormones i'm almost for certain going to run off with a man and i keep trying to reassure her that that isn't going to happen. there isn't a man on earth capable of taking care of me the way she does, nor do i care to be taken care of by one either.

i also had a therapist but i lost my insurance and they were having trouble getting paid by them. so far they haven't sent me any bills which is nice but having insurance so i can see the doctor would be nice too.

Quote from: keriB on December 07, 2008, 11:21:39 AM
Yeap... although I am kind of beyond the male/female mode of acting in oublic.  I just do what comes natural to me now, and if people misconstrue it to be something else, well that's their problem.  I guess kind of like crossdressing FT to be a guy lol.....

As for the elation part, well I've been an admitted TG for a year (admitted lol.. that sounds funny...), but haven't really been totally honest with myself as to being TS.. kind of ducking the truth and that comes with it, which honestly is a little scary...  But I hear you about the anatomy -  as I have told my therapist so many times now, getting ready isn't so much excitement as a pain - I'm tired of the wig and the breastforms.... I would sooo much love to just roll out of bed and be...

i feel you there sister, i understand this all too well.
the hair is mine tho...

Being so early in the game, before 'the rules' were formed, I never did do therapy but a "psychological assessment" was required (to show you weren't "nuts"). Mine was a whole day of interviews by a whole psychiatry department at a major hospital (about 1972, age 22), some one-on-one, some panel interviews, etc.

In the end, when they condensed their findings to a single paragraph they declared I was "remarkably sane and well balanced, under the circumstances." and offered their support in whatever decision I made. Even after all these years I still laugh about "remarkably sane ... under the circumstances" - how well they summed it up!