So, I have an opportunity to move out of small town Nebraska and to transition, but I am scared of the consequences. I am a huge worrier. .anxiety YES INDEED!!

-I already have a degree and am worried it cannot be transfered to my new name.
-Moving would mean I will need to get into another nursing school and transition during school. I am hella scared people will find out and it will be make fun of and torture Brady for 2 years.
-Especially worried about passing if I have to live as a guy before taking T.
-Plus, I am worried about not being able to find a straight girl I am interested in who will want me after. Just got out of a relationship where she couldn't be with a "girl" so she left.
-That my small as town will find out from my extended family and ill be the joke.
-oh yeah and money for treatments is an issue, but one I can deal with.

SO, am I being crazy? Are these not legitimate concerns? Please give me some pros and cons. .my mom told me too. .haha

It is almost like I want this so bad but yet doing it could make my life worse. .if that makes sense. .there are a lot of things that scare me about it. .which distracts me from the good. Anyone else have these fears before transitioning? Its the unknown I guess

Thanks for your responses. I do not plan on living in my home town but my whole family lives here. As well as my nephew and he's  only a toddler now but eventually he may have to face scrutiny for my issues. I hate that. I am just scared as hell bout the repecussions that could come about.
What is the point of doing all this work and getting all the medical care to be a labeled as a trans guy instead of just a guy. That label comes with many negativity from society.   

Basically it's a choice: Live as you are, and keep pretending you're female, or transition to the man you are.  Yes, there will be consequences to that.  It boils down to: can you live with those consequences?

In my case, yes. I was prepared to lose everything.  I am now out at  work and in that oh, she thinks she's a he phase, like  isn't it cute.  I hope as T's effects continue to take hold that will change.

But even as private a person that I am, and fearing public exposure, I could NOT continue to live as a fraud one more day.  I started transition as soon as I realized what my problem was.

Only you can decide what's right for you.


Jay

Quote from: sneakersjay on December 04, 2008, 03:02:33 AM
Basically it's a choice: Live as you are, and keep pretending you're female, or transition to the man you are.  Yes, there will be consequences to that.  It boils down to: can you live with those consequences?

In my case, yes. I was prepared to lose everything.  I am now out at  work and in that oh, she thinks she's a he phase, like  isn't it cute.  I hope as T's effects continue to take hold that will change.

But even as private a person that I am, and fearing public exposure, I could NOT continue to live as a fraud one more day.  I started transition as soon as I realized what my problem was.

Only you can decide what's right for you.


Jay

Can I deal with the consequences. . .I'm not sure. All I can think is the worst that could happen and that makes me turn away from something that I have wanted since I can remember. Then again I am miserable being "female" and hate everything about an existence this way. Can I deal with the jokes at my expense, possible being assaulted (verbally or physically), the loss of friends, relationships, and jobs. I am stuck in the middle of two imperfect decisions. I can be a "female" and be miserable with no relationship (cause its hard for me to be physically female with a female), but keep my education and lessen the way people make fun of me OR I can choose to become Brady, possible lose my education, friends, extended family, my career, and finding someone to spend my life with. And I would start school in Denver as Brady, so that would lessen the humiliation unless I don't pass that well.

Pros and Cons seem even to me. The quote that "You will know what is best for you" is crap cause there is so much more to the definition of BEST for someone.

Quote from: darius82501 on December 04, 2008, 10:45:41 PM
The quote that "You will know what is best for you" is crap cause there is so much more to the definition of BEST for someone.

Find a therapist, dude.  Nobody else can decide for you.  You ask for advice then tell us it's crap.  You're sitting there wallowing in what ifs and some of us have already been there, done that, and took the plunge and found it's worth the risks.  Our advice is crap?

Quote from: sneakersjay on December 04, 2008, 11:52:48 PM

Quote from: darius82501 on December 04, 2008, 10:45:41 PM
The quote that "You will know what is best for you" is crap cause there is so much more to the definition of BEST for someone.

Our advice is crap?

Did I say jay your advice is crap? No I didn't. I said that saying is. And I did listen to a lot you said and found it very helpful. I am trying to workout things here apparently this isn't the place cause you all have things figured out. I have had therapists, I know psychology its my profession. .excuse me for taking your precious time. Don't reply if you don't want to i didn't realize bouncing what is going through my head on a crucial issue bothered you.

As long as I have a pussy, I know straight girls won't date me. So I settle with bisexuals.

Yeah, its a big decision.  Mostly for me it came down to being authentic.  I now know i am truly living the live i should have.  I will always be screwed up, but i don't care.  I'm finally me.

It won't make your life worse.  I don't think i've ever heard of a guy who has transitioned and his life was worse because of it. 

You come to a breaking point, and either take the plunge or not.

Quote from: J.T. on December 06, 2008, 08:00:00 PM
Yeah, its a big decision.  Mostly for me it came down to being authentic.  I now know i am truly living the live i should have.  I will always be screwed up, but i don't care.  I'm finally me.

It won't make your life worse.  I don't think i've ever heard of a guy who has transitioned and his life was worse because of it. 

You come to a breaking point, and either take the plunge or not.

Yes I can see and understand how it would improve my life. How do you deal with people finding out at work or school. or dating?

Ellwood,

I have dated bisexuals and my last one dumped me cause I wasn't a guy and she couldn't live a life with a female. I am honestly attractted to straight women as I am a straight man, but I do agree about what you said about straight women having trouble dating a trans guy. But GQJoey has dated straight women, so apparently it can be done.

How have all of you dealt with friends of siblings or people at work? I plan to change my name before moving to CO and going to school. .so I think that will help. .any experiences? Advice?

dating... i haven't taken the plunge on that one yet.  I graduated college almost five years ago now.  Work, i started transitioning before i began work.

It was hell at my last position, volunteering, i told clients and they just didn't understand.  I started by coming out to my supervisor and then the word kind of spread.  It was difficult.  New job i had already changed my name and was two weeks on T.  There were only a few screw ups early on, its been great since then. The one coworker who has had the most difficulty is the oldest and has known me the longest.

Siblings... well it is always harder with your family and friends 'cause they knew you "before".  So i understand why a lot of guys want to start fresh, it makes things so much easier.  But they've, for the most part, been really great.

You get to a point, and it happens pretty soon (even before Hormones if that is your path) that strangers start seeing you for who you are.  It makes it so much easier to make it in the world.  Gave me a lot of confidence.

My advice is to be patient with friends and family, as hard as that is.  I was really adamant early on and i forgot to remember that it is a transition for my friends and family too.  Let them know what you expect but give them some slack.  It takes getting used to for some.

   Well I just started weldin school, and since I changed my name before hand(recommend this to anyone transitionin) its goin pretty good. Almost eveyone in my class is over 30, been to prison, all men, ect. , and Im known there as a dude with super low testosterone levels.
   But before that I was rushed into college without a name change, and it makes such a huge difference. Not just the name change, but livin as you felt it was meant. Problems can always arise, but God I dont think they compare to the relief of bein known and recognized as a man.

Quote from: Jack Daniels on December 07, 2008, 03:26:10 AM
   Well I just started weldin school, and since I changed my name before hand(recommend this to anyone transitionin) its goin pretty good. Almost eveyone in my class is over 30, been to prison, all men, ect. , and Im known there as a dude with super low testosterone levels.
   But before that I was rushed into college without a name change, and it makes such a huge difference. Not just the name change, but livin as you felt it was meant. Problems can always arise, but God I dont think they compare to the relief of bein known and recognized as a man.

Yes I can understand that. I already have my bachelor's and it was difficult to not be able to go to bars or just be a guy in general. I know now I can change my degree into my new name so that is nice. I am going to get my bachelors in nursing now and then go to grad school after that so having my name changed before would be nice. I don't think I would pass well without T so it could be interesting for awhile.

Have you dated any? what were/are your experiences?

     Nah, I'm way too worried about that type of explainin stuff to people. But before I started vocalizin bout bein a man(transgender, wrong body, birth defects) and such, all my female hetereo friends would always say " I wish you were a guy", and such, so I mean theres some hope there. I would always respond "me too, me too." Alot of them gave me a chance as well, I just didnt have the balls to take it. Literally. Didnt have the balls.
    But now with the dudes, its a little diffrent, since everyone at my school thinks Im a genetic dude, its interestin how these connections are starin and ->-bleeped-<-. These people assumed Im a girl, but then I told them I was a guy, and the attraction is still there. Its strange and I dont understand it cause these are straight, beat your chest beer buddies...Maybe its cause school reminds some of them of prison and they go for the pretty boy...he heh.  Anyways, Im such a pussy at takin chances cause of my body so if ya find any good advice in datin area, let me know man.

Jack Daniels. .love ur name!! haha I have had experience with the dating as a "female". .mainly cause I wanted to know if I could deal with being female with a female. Honestly I have a met bisexual girls and dated one who is my soul mate but she can't live a life with a female.  but she totally treated me as a male in and out of the bed room. .which has made it difficult to let go of her.

I also dated a girl to didn't like to label herself as bisexual. .she just didn't care as long as she cared bout the person. I was never ok sexually for sure. .but both were understanding of my situatuion.

Every trans guy I have spoken to say to get to know the girl for a while and then tell them. .before anything sexual happens. So they get to know u for u and not a label

Thanks, always love hearin bout experiences, but I kind of enjoy the stealthness. But if ya find someone ya really like I suppose it would be mental to wait until you ve had surgery.

Though earilier you said you re afraid of passin, to that I would just say correct them. Thats what I do now, and personally it works well. I used to be afraid too, but one day I just said "he." And tell people I have serverve Testosterone defiencey syndrome. Which shortens ironically to STDS, but I dont say the STDS part. Now if its for legal reasons ya cant really correct them, but for ya person social enjoy, II say try it. You may get the "reallys" and "for reals", but be stern and it works.
But that depends on whether you want to be a trans dude or a dude.