I often wonder how many young MtF TS girls, who are thinking of transitioning, or are actually in the process, think about what their sexual role will be in the end. It gets confusing to many. Some MTF's will only want to be with other women. Some with both women and men.
Then again, others will want to be with the opposite of their gender after they go through SRS.  This applies to FTM's as well.

I was always labeled as gay from a young age. I didn't understand it at the time. I thought I liked to be with girls/females. I played with them, had them as friends, and dated them as a teen. Yet, I had an innate built in Gay-Dar, and was very aware of males who liked me, and wanted to be my boyfriend. It got particularly rough, when I was 15 to 17...gay men hounded me.

I didn't actually realize I was Bi-sexual until I was around 25 or so. It was during this time, I actually wanted a man and all that he could offer. I loved female relationships, and now was open to men as well. I was confused about what to do. Especially after what had I gone through years prior. Lots of counseling helped.

I won't go into particular's about the first time I openly accepted a males advance's. Let's just say; very different, very exciting and a little scary at the same time. Don't ask if I did or didn't, OK. It doesn't matter. He was my first, and was my lover/teacher for a while.

This was a monumental moment for me. And more than a little mind boggling. I had to think a long time about what my true preferences were, which was very difficult. I hopped back and forth across the fence for a long time. I liked it both ways. I never got involved in a three-some. Chances were there, but, I declined.

I finally decided, that in order for me to live in my new gender role, it would be easier if I was in a traditional relationship with the opposite sex. A man. Even though I am married to man I dearly and deeply love, and I would never cheat on him, I still eye the ladies...and they look back!  It is difficult to push those feelings down. My husband is aware of this in me. He isn't threatened,for he knows he has my true heart.

And that is the point; how many of the younger TS gals and boys, have given this subject any thought. What is your true heart sexually? It is important to think it through, and come to realizations that you can live with. It can also have a huge impact on your transition as well as your life later.  It did for me...

I'm married to a natal woman, and I hope to keep that together. Up until now, I've been attracted the most strongly to natal women, then in decending order after that transwomen, transmen, and natal men.

I guess I think of myself as bisexual, but I definetly fall much more on the "attracted to women" end of the spectrum. However, I am open to the idea that I may ultimately become more attracted to men. I don't see that happening now, because I want to stay with my wife and I find most men a bit frightening.

If I was ever single though, it's not that hard for me to see myself with a guy.. but it's easier to see myself with a woman (natal or trans).

Although sexuality and gender identity are different subjects, they do intertwine with each other at some point. This is especially so in the beginning before transition, or even before you figure out you're trans. As we grow up, most TSs at some point probably go through the thought that they're gay/lesbian before figuring out it goes deeper than that. I don't think there are many TSs that haven't given their sexuality some thought.

QuoteIt is important to think it through, and come to realizations that you can live with.

I don't know if that's entirely true. Especially since there are many cases where someone's sexuality has changed after being on hormones for a while, so whatever choice they conceded to didn't really matter anyways. I think sexuality can be a fluid concept and isn't as hard set as someone's gender identity (or lack thereof). In my case, I have pretty much settled on bisexual, but I can't say that I'm still entirely sure as I've never actually been on a real date with either gender yet (oh, that just sounds sad). But at this point, my sexuality isn't a subject that keeps me up at night.

I think, just like everything else, someone's sexuality can either be a big part of them and require a lot of thought to settle on something they can feel comfortable with, while with others it may just be a fluid unknown until they happen upon someone who they mesh with. And in the case of someone where it is a bigger part of them, I think that for them it would be hard not to have taken the necessary time to think it through.

"Accept" is not the word I would choose to use. I prefer to make my own role.

QuoteIt is important to think it through, and come to realizations that you can live with.

Personally, I'd rather not over-analyse my sexuality and simply go with whatever feels right and do whatever I am comfortable with.

The way I prepare for my 'sexual role' is to use plenty of lube, do a bunch of warm up stretches and put on some vinyl.

Sex is just sex isn't it? What is there to think about. Your preference might change with transition, so you do another kind of person. You are not sure what you like best, so you try some out untill you figure it out. It does not sound like a big deal to me.

If you're in a relationship and your preference changes so that you no longer find your partner sexually attractive then that might be pretty difficult to deal with. But you can't really predict this happening. If you still find your partner sexually attractive it is all a bit irrelevant, perhaps something to note if you ever found yourself single again. Just another bunch to look and don't touch.

I wonder how many young transpeople freak out over the sexuality because their society makes such a big deal about it? 

I'm probably being a little rude here. I can see that it could be more significant if you hang your identity on your sexuality. I guess I don't. Perhaps being Androgyne trumps any sexually derived identity by denying us access to them - afterall there are no homosexual or heterosexual Androgynes. Instead we have penis loving and vagina loving Androgynes (over simplification I know, but you probably get my point)

I would guess that most TS's who are not bi-sexual to start with think about
this at some point in their transition. And the realization for some that
they not only could be attracted to men but that I always have been is
quite mind blowing as you say. But I could never make the leap before in my old
"guy body". Now it just seems it would be normal. I can see how a young TS would
be very very confused as she transitioned. And I suspect that many find a normal
relationship with a male more satisfying on all levels. And is there any bigger
validation for a TS than being thought of as desirable and attractive to a man?

Amanda

Quote from: Always Amanda on December 17, 2008, 03:07:43 PM
And is there any bigger validation for a TS than being thought of as desirable and attractive to a man?

I would think that would be the lowest form of validation.
When guys have a hard-on, they find linoleum attractive.

Sarah,

I agree with most of what you wrote...sexuality is fluid for many younger people, because they are still developing into who they'll be.
Even some young adults, are still wrestling with it when they are 25 to 30 or beyond.

I posted what I did concerning me, because I didn't want to be a trollop or thought of as a party slut. I am much to self respecting to be someone who'd have a kinky or bad reputation. My professional life can be made or broken depending on how I am perceived.  As you age, it matters. It did and does for me. So, I chose...

In my circle of friends and associates, there are many gay/lesbian folks, as well as straight.  I treat them as equals. In turn, I am loved by them. This is how I am. They are all respectable people. I believe in the adage; "Show me your friends, and I'll show you your future"...

Undoubtedly, Hormone Therapy scrabbles the brain, and can make you bonkers for a while. ( a foreign hormone induced new puberty arises and resets things for sure )  Since I was BI, whether I knew it or not, I wanted to settle down into the kind of life I wanted most. Where I ended up, wasn't what I saw for myself when I was 15 or 16. Not by a long shot.

None of us, goes anywhere, by accident. I personally don't believe in the " Hard Wired " sexuality claim.  I'm BI, and I loved making it with a female, as a male, transitioning TS and female. I was glad I had the chance to experiment with both sexes. You really develop some perspectives as a result.
I feel much more complete and happy making love to my husband as a woman, than I ever did as the opposite.  I will grant that hormones and SRS were major factors settling me into my sexual role as an adult. I wanted to be happy with my decisions, and I am.
None of them were decided by a throw of the dice...or happenstances.

You seem to have your head in the right place on this issue...I'm impressed.

By the way, best of luck with your FFS.   We'll be waiting for the reveal...hugs.


     I have a feeling that I am way more conservative than most...I am not a far left liberal...

Quote from: Vexing on December 17, 2008, 03:10:57 PM

Quote from: Always Amanda on December 17, 2008, 03:07:43 PM
And is there any bigger validation for a TS than being thought of as desirable and attractive to a man?

I would think that would be the lowest form of validation.
When guys have a hard-on, they find linoleum attractive.

Hey, don't be talking bad about that sexy, sexy linoleum.



I have thought about this... but I may be asexual, so I don't know if I really want to get involved in the whole business at all.
I'd like to be with a man who makes a great cup of tea.

Quote from: Sophie90 on December 17, 2008, 03:28:09 PM
Hey, don't be talking bad about that sexy, sexy linoleum.

I have thought about this... but I may be asexual, so I don't know if I really want to get involved in the whole business at all.
I'd like to be with a man who makes a great cup of tea.

Wouldn't said tea be even better if .....I spilt it on the linoleum. 

(Classic line Vexing, I love your direct way with words)

QuoteWhen guys have a hard-on, they find linoleum attractive.

I guess I've never been a guy then... linoleum is really ugly.

Amanda

Quote from: Always Amanda on December 17, 2008, 03:07:43 PM
And is there any bigger validation for a TS than being thought of as desirable and attractive to a man?

Oh, heck ya, there is. Being thought of as desirable and attractive to a lesbian is much bigger validation. They have a higher standard for you to meet.

My sexuality is what it is. I tend to be attracted to whom I am attracted and if the attraction has been great enough have formed relationships with both women and men. "Party Slut?" Sex parties have never been a particular fondness of mine, before or after transition.

Is sexuality "hard-wired?" I suspect it is, but that there are ways to condition one's self to at least sublimating their sexality in the interests of social/cultural standards they prefer to maintain their positions within.

Unlike Blanchard, Bailey and Zucker I am not a huge fan of the idea that you have "homosexual" or "heterosexual" TSes. (Of course small matters like biology and chemistry don't much seem to affect the perjudices and Neo-Freudian clap-trap of those three.) I think you have human beings who are gay, bi, or straight, period.

I believe that yoiu also have TSes who are the same way. I suspect that the hormones themselves do nothing at all to change one's sexuality: otherwise the reparative therpaist would be using T and E to "cure" gay males and lesbians. I suspect instead that many TSes cannot admit they are attracted to the "opposite sex" until such time that their bodies are in "the opposite sex." For others of us that hasn't been a huge problem and we've either been consistently attracted to what is now our "same sex" throughout or have been bisexual. (Add this to the many areas in which TSes appear to "disguise" or "not know" ourselves in our early lives.) 

Amanda, I have to agree with Vexing about the "males attracted to me deal." I think men tend to look for ways to spread the seed and if your not abjectly hideous many might well be attracted. I've not found that to be as true of women.

But "validation" is not something I am very huge on anymore. Yep, at one time having someone attracted to me might have felt like validation -- but then I grew up and realized that my validation comes from me: my work, my children and life and my own self-respect.

Being screwed by some guy will not validate me. Never did before. And given the various proclivities of people to be attracted to all sorts of individual body parts, scents, clothes, etc I imagine that any real attraction and maybe validation comes from a long-term encounter with another rather than the passing glances or wolf-whistles or a night at the bar or a party whatever.

I'm not certain at all what the relevance is, but I am an ueber-Far-left liberal politically, at least by USA standards.

Nichole

Quote from: Vexing on December 17, 2008, 03:10:57 PM

Quote from: Always Amanda on December 17, 2008, 03:07:43 PM
And is there any bigger validation for a TS than being thought of as desirable and attractive to a man?

I would think that would be the lowest form of validation.
When guys have a hard-on, they find linoleum attractive.

I disagree and I find that statement offensive.

Whether or not it is true that all men think with their little head, I am sure that they don't like being stereotyped any more than we do.

Quote from: Kristen on December 17, 2008, 06:31:02 PM

Quote from: Vexing on December 17, 2008, 03:10:57 PM

Quote from: Always Amanda on December 17, 2008, 03:07:43 PM
And is there any bigger validation for a TS than being thought of as desirable and attractive to a man?

I would think that would be the lowest form of validation.
When guys have a hard-on, they find linoleum attractive.

I disagree and I find that statement offensive.

I'll buy you a sense of humour for Xmas, k?

I guess you find it funny when people stereotype you?

Quote from: Kristen on December 17, 2008, 06:41:56 PM
I guess you find it funny when people stereotype you?

Often.
I joke about being trans constantly.
In fact, just the other day I was talking with another member in PM's and suggested a trans humour forum 

It is one thing to have a sense of humor about yourself that isn't destructive, or eggs others to rip you.

Transitioning TS's should have a sense of humor, as they go through re-puberty, emotional high's and low's, and get to watch the greatest show on Earth; witnessing your body change again into this new creature.

Whereas, I don't find it funny to use our paradigm as fodder for off color remarks and jabs.( Jerry Springer was a disaster for our community ) We are already wound tight as it is, because of raging hormones and living, learning one day at a time.  A little sensitivity please...