I've known trans people my whole life.  I've always known that it was possible for other people to transition.  Even after I came out to myself I basically told myself that I"d never go on T or get top surgery or anything.  I was pretty much fine with that - both seemed like huge steps I was never going to reach, and I convinced myself I didn't want to reach them.

But ever since I came out on a large scale the desire to go on T has deepened a lot.  I have two very good FTM friends who recently started T and it's hard for me to even hang out with them some days when I'm feeling jealous, which is ridiculous, I know.

I don't know what I want.

What is right for you at one stage may not be right at another.  When my beliefs "transition" in some way, often what I wanted at first was something relatively moderate, but then my beliefs would continue to drift towards something stronger.

Give yourself a little time to think about it, but a more complete transition may be what you want.