hello to all

my name is gadiel
i have been visiting the susan's place for over a year but today i finally decide to post my situation
I belive that i am a mtf transgender. Now i am 29 years old have 2 beautiful kids and "happy married"
wonderful wife, been married for 7 years she does not know nothing.

i have been feeling this my hole life, like many others i was convinsed that something was wrong whit
me. i got married at the age of 22 thinking that it was going to solve my problem (wrong) now i have
one even more complicated. I want to trancition but i don't have the corage to brake my family's
hart whit the news HELLO I AM TRANSGENDER!!
I have been thinking and thinking over and over again and am like 450% positive that my family is
not going to asept me so i think my only way out is to just desapiar and start a new life on another part
i am desesperated please give me some advise thanks ahead and excuse my english  i know is  bad i am learning

i am so alone so angry i have no shoulder to cry on, no friend to talk to well i am in depresion 
i which i have never married that girl and have kids that now i instead of making them happy i am going to ruin their lives. i hate myself

hi gadiel,

the first thing I want you to know, is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. you are among friends here and you can tell us anything. there are many here who have gone through your same situation and can offer advice and tactics on how to deal with this.

feel free to jump right in

I used to think just like you. BUt now my wife is paying for the whole thing. You never can be too sure what they are going to think.

Well i guess i wonder what aspect of transitioning do you feel the need most of all? Is it simply identity or the ability to have intimacy with men that makes you feel the need to want to transition. Also how far do you want to go and why? Myself i was never happily married. I was for 20 days but that soon ended. I have 2 kids too. However, i never had them living with me and only took them out for day trips as i wanted them to have the stability of sleeping in the same bed each night. Yes you do need to tell us more if we are to offer our views other than an arm to rest on.

Edited to add: One of my kids was still in her belly when she left me thinking i wasn't masculine enough. The other was from a previous short term relationship.

NOTE: Oh i have been single seeking true love (my desire is only for another full time MTF or FTM like myself) for over 10 yrs now. You do have love and well i never had that so my situation is different than yours.

tanks for the support
ok i was raised as a christian boy, but i remember having this feelings like for ever as a kid i use to sneak on my moms room when she was not home to try her cloth, makeup, shoes
I continue to feel this way on ma teen years but as a christian boy i was convinced that it was sometime evil and that God was going to change me and make me feel normal, it never happen. As i grow up i got in love  whit my now wife that by the way i met at church. So at this point i am thinking that wen i get married this thing will go away. So i got married and for about 2 year all was ok then all of a sudden it started again and i started to dress again more and more(my wife beeing unaware) and eating me inside my head to the point that i feel i cant take it any more i need to do someting i need to be a woman it is just what  i am

now in the other hand i feel that i cant do this to my wife she is too good to me, this will kill her i know that with her belives she wiil think this is an abobination   and will go against all she belives in. I promes her a happy live, to take care of her to provide for her you know as a man
i don't  know what to do
i can talk and be the bad gay hurt everyones feelings or stay quiet ans keep hurting my owns

You never answered my questions. Do you cross dress to be a woman or for a sexual thrill. Because if you get a thrill out of it you can stay married and still do it. If you desire to be with men you can do that too but you should get divorced. If you are a woman,,, clothes won't make the difference,, its all mental. Yes many of us go all the way and change clothes and our bodies. You need to answer exactly what it is you are. I happen to be a dyke lesbian seeking only people like me too.

i am a lesbian woman nothing less nothing more

::hugs::

It is a decision only you can make. Unfortunately many people have to choose between living their life and keeping their family.  It shouldn't be that way, and I wish I wasn't, but it is.  What would hurt you more?

Quote from: gata123pr on December 18, 2008, 08:02:59 PM
i am a lesbian woman nothing less nothing more

Well remember lesbians don't have a penis and don't jerk it, so be sure and also most lesbians do not like girls like us as partners so your choices will be very very few with you only having men who want you and many of us want men (not me) which leaves our choices almost nil.

However if you don't mind having a life being alone (living for identity) or with one of us as two transbians then welcome on board

Oh and when you get castrated (by taking hormones) or your final surgery your whole sexuality (urge to have sex) will change like 180 degrees


NOTE: I would never go back if i had the choice but you need to know the facts and not be distorted by false truths you may or may not have.

i am not worried about that
what i am worried about is my family accepting me as a woman i think the will never accept me they wont understand

Maybe start out going to a UUC church where you will be accepted and your family wife and kids will see all kinds of people loving all kinds of people.

thanks for the advice but i don't  think going to that church will do any good to my wife or kids

Hi Gata,

I know how lonely and desperate you can feel at times, I've been there. I think the first thing you should do is to find a therapist in your area that has experience with Gender Identity Disorders. Also talk to your wife, Tell her that you are having some thoughts and feeling that you need to sort out and that you need to talk to some one that can help you.

If she really loves you she will want you to get help. It may not be easy for her to accept that you have these feelings but hiding it from her will only hurt you both in the end. How do I know for sure? because I have been in your exact same position.

The most important thing is to get some professional help. If you can not be happy with yourself it will show in how you act with your wife and if she feels like your shutting her out it may drive her away in the end.

Don't worry about your sexual orientation right now just worry about making peace in your heart and mind. The other things will all fall into place later.

Go to church?  That's the answer?

Quote from: tekla on December 19, 2008, 03:46:16 PM
Go to church?  That's the answer?

Not hardly. In my experience the Christian army is the only one to kill their wounded.

Well I just don't see where seeing a bunch of gay people is going to help anyone accept TG persons, really. 

camy
what did you do to deal whit it ?
how you tell your wife and kids ?
how did they react ?

I dealt with it out of sheer necessity. It was either come to terms with it or I was going to sink into an unrecoverable depression that would have probably been detrimental to my life. I finally had think long and hard about how I wanted to live. Did I want to risk becoming a danger to my self and my family Or would I rather them know and at least have the chance decide for themselves if they could cope?

If I never told them and then became a manically depressed ball of rage I could have hurt them more then I would have by coming out to them and giving them the choice to try and work it out or just to walk away and try to minimize the hurt.

By trying to hide it from them because you don't want to hurt them, you in effect deny them the chance to choose for themselves. If your hiding it because you don't want to loose them then in a way your just being selfish.

Its not easy but in the end you have to decided which choice is going to be less damaging to you and to your family.