That was really nice of you Pariah, I would have torn her a new one. You must be lovely. 

I guess a lot of how you react to Rene's question depends on how you feel about sexuality, whether you have any hang-ups, internalised homophobia or live in a society where sex is something you need to fortify yourself against.

Rene's view is pretty foreign to me and I don't really undrestand it. I'm not entirely sure what she is suggesting to prepare yourself against??

Or prepare for, and I was thrown by the 'accept' deal too (and even role, if you're really doing it, is it still a role, at what point does it just become a life?) you have to 'accept' things that tend to be either not enough, or not what you wanted.

Maybe it is having to accept heteronormality when she is sexually queer? That would be my guess. It is a fair enough choice and I respect that. We have enough crap to deal with but it really sounds like she has a lot of unfulfilled need. That would take some preparation to accept. It is like playing a part that does not come natural.

Perhaps, it's just my experience that sexuality is a pretty fluid deal, and it can, and often does, change over time for several reasons.

And even if you don't think of your own identity being fluid, the gender role attached to your identity *should* be.  You should not feel you must accept living a certain way (gender role) just because of your gender is a certain thing (gender identity).

I didn't say that ID was fluid, though for many people it is, but just that sexuality was fluid in that it will often change over time.

I think what Kaelin said is still relevant though , especially if you look at sexual roles being part of your gender role.

Sexuality is a huge part of my experience with gender. When I became attracted to women, I thought, well, maybe those male hormones are kicking in and I'l be a guy after all. But it's been hard for me to be in a relationship because it tends to reinforce the societal expectations that I "be a man."

So refusing to "accept" my sexual role is a major part of what made me realize I couldn't keep trying to live as a male. Certainly not the only thing, but important. The notion of being a "boyfriend" or "husband" or -- god forbid -- "father" simply horrifies me. "Brother" and "son" are bad enough.

this is the whole problem with blogs, and literary intercourse's....semantics , perceptions and misunderstanding of intent.

I apologize for offending anyone. Perhaps I should stick to single syllable words. I have apparently been told, to drop it! Que Sara Sara!

Again; Sorry!

I think you summarized the point you were trying to make when you said --

Quote from: Rene' aka candygirl on December 18, 2008, 11:42:52 AM
I love being a woman, I also respect it, and honor it. Being free at last, does not mean going around unprepared or muddleheaded...

Now, everyone can take that however they want but, I think it is good advice on any topic.

I hear an extraordinary amount of defensiveness, on this and other posts, coming from people who are not listening to what a person is trying to say and where their heart is coming from but, instead, try to read between the lines and find offense at what they perceive to be there.

Heaven forbid someone else have an opinion or make a statement that is in contrast to our own! 

Yeah, that is the problem with blogs. Easy to misunderstand intent. I'm not offended. Just trying to understand better. I apologise if I have misunderstood.

We had quite a good discussion going on about things though, your topic has created some good debate. I particulalry like Alyssa's last addition, kicked my thoughts in a new direction.

Your quote that Kristen pulled out was a particulalry good one.

"Bam!!!!" the exact same thing I have been suggesting on and off since I got back to these forums 1 1/2 years ago. Just wish some folks would take the colton batton out of their ears or read the educational posts.

Quoteowned my behavior, and adjusted as I settled into my new life.  Many TS's apparently don't, and get caught up in major binds later on...especially after they have SRS.  They did not prepare for afterwards..they went into it blind.

I love being a woman, I also respect it, and honor it. Being free at last, does not mean going around unprepared or muddleheaded...

Tanks Candygirl

Cindy

Quote from: cindybc on December 18, 2008, 02:29:26 PM
"Bam!!!!"

Careful where you wave that thing, near took my ear clean off. 

Quote from: Always Amanda on December 17, 2008, 10:32:29 PM
I'm not
a feminist and never will be and to me it seems odd that a TS would identify as one, but
that's just me.

What's odd about wanting equality for women?

I'm very confused by that too ... I'm not trying to transition from male to Schlafly.

Maybe Amanda is reacting to Janice Raymond and her ilk?

I've always been attracted to men in every way.. yeah a lil bit of that is out of jealousy of the male body..
when i found out about gay relationships, sex, etc, it became almost an obsession, and it was all i'd fantasize about (how girly of me). This sounds silly but around 11-12 i got gaydar and if i somehow sensed a man was gay, i would have this strange undescribable feeling of attraction...
imagining myself as a woman with anyone, or especially with a woman just weirds me out, the idea just isn't natural to me. But the idea of having a connection with a woman as a man would be more like a Will & Grace type thing.. an emotional connection but never, ever, ever a sexual one. 

I do not understand your reasoning about feminism either Amanda hon, Well if we didn't have women's rights then we would find ourselves in the same boat with job inequality, possibly even worse. I certainly don't relish selling myself on the street to make a living, as I have witnessed some of our sisters do because they can't pay their bills from little or no regular employment.

Why are we not natural allies for other women?

Cindy

An interesting question.  I knew I was different at a very early age.  As I grew older and became a teenager, I found myself attracted to both girls and boys.  I eventually had a steady girlfriend whom I had known for years, but I couldn't help but feel some attraction to boys.  Like you, I too eventually had my first experience with a guy I knew for years.  Like you, I won't go into details.  Over the years I have had other encounters.  I've been married for many years now.  I'm still attracted to both sexes.  So, I'm quite certain I am bi and have been from a very early age.  Now that I am again on the rollercoaster, I'm waiting to see what will happen next as I begin my gradual transition to being me.

I have never felt attraction towards men in any way shape or form thus I expect that I, once done transitioning, will be a heterosexual male.  This being said although I am romantically attracted to women I have little to no sex drive so I may be asexual.  It is also possible that this lack of sex drive is stemmed from my extreme discomfort with my physical self. 

before, i really wasnt sure what i liked... one date with a girl which turned to a friendship, no more, I just had no drive or desire... Post transition, i began to like boys... Im with a guy now, while i find it a tad awkward. i think its just normal... hes my first boyfriend... i didnt expect it to be comfortable or easy... but i do know i love men...  I have no desire to sleep with females... it just... seems wrong... As for my 'sexual role' i guess now is what id have done when i was a teen... abeit 5-6 years late... Sexual role isnt something you are taught, its learned by experience and practice...

practice is fun isnt it?