I am an alcholic.  I go to meetings.  I love to dress as a women but I don't know if is to cover up what I don't like about me or is it this is me trying to come out.  It is hard to say right now.  Is this who I really am.  A women In mans body.  Or just issues that when I make that change from me to a female that I tuck away. Is this healthy?  I don't know

Stacy, you need to sort out what is it that makes you drink. Is it denial? fear? I do know that once a person accepts themselves, real inner healing does begin. It sounds as if you are struggling with a gender issue. I'm no therapist but one may help. Please keep me posted on your progress.

Gennee

Sara,

If I can offer a suggestion I would tell you to keep your drinking problem and your desire to explore your gender separate.  Your gender identity tends not to have any bearing on other issues in your life.  I have a dear friend who transitioned thinking it would solve all of her other issues.  It didn't, and her problems still exist.

Of course there is nothing wrong with exploring your feminine side.  Explore your feelings fully and give yourself enough time to come to grips with who and what you really are.  Seek out a TG support group because exploring your feelings with others is much better than trying to do it on your own.

I wish you all the best,

Sally

The contemporary neuroscience of addiction doesn't point as much to strictly psychological elements, though they may play a role. The emergent view around addiction is that the stimulation of the reward center (as I recall in the Nucleus Accumbens) is over activated in certain people genetically prone to alcohol addiction (there are also people prone to addiction to cocaine, tobacco, and other substances).

I would encourage you to explore the neurosceince of addiction.

Hi Sara..My name is Jody;I am an alcoholic. I have 5 years 344 days of sobriety. I kicked the tobacco addiction 3yrs 344 days ago.I am 51 years old and have been consciously aware of the fem me since I was in the second grade. See my post on the dressing like a super hero thread. With sobriety came a different way of thinking and feeling. My fem self has become stronger and more confident. "She" was an excuse to drink and act out. My whole life revolved around hiding my cross dressing and or finding the love of my life that could and would embrace the female side of me. She /He has not materialized yet. Instead I am choosing to embrace my self as a very real and healthy person. I honestly feel better in my fem persona. Be gentle with yourself. Step 4 will help answer a lot of your questions. Keep coming back.

In it's hey day it was a very popular motel. The hallway's were often filled with the laughter of children on the way to some vacation hotspot with their parent's, having fun and experiencing thing's that they would remember fondly all their life.
But some year's ago the new highway came through and by-passed the little motel so that a family oriented business in better time's now catered to a less desirable
crowd. The drug addict's and prostitute's of the strip called it home when they could.
I sat on the edge of the bed with my head in my hand's nursing a massive hangover. The only sound was the rattle of the ancient air conditioner as it strained against impossible odd's to cool the tiny room. I searched in vain for the joint I knew was there somewhere but was unable to locate so I pulled on my jean's and walked out to the car.
In the passenger seat was a woman that I'd never met but I knew her better then I knew myself. She was busy talking on the phone but she wasnt saying a word. I realized I was extremely weary, I mean just dog tired. I walked across the parking lot and peered over the fence and in the distance I saw a tombstone, somehow with a power I didn't understand it pulled me toward's it. when I got close enough to read it I stopped.
My eye's were filled with tear's as I finally understood. You see it was my name on the tombstone and it said I died when I was just a teenager.
Me and the Prostitute in my car were both dead, we don't exist in the real world of life and laughter but only in the hellish mental realm of the drug addict as tiny pin point's of light.

Written by Tori Lynn

Quote from: Tori Lynn on December 31, 2008, 11:47:02 AM
In it's hey day it was a very popular motel. The hallway's were often filled with the laughter of children on the way to some vacation hotspot with their parent's, having fun and experiencing thing's that they would remember fondly all their life.
But some year's ago the new highway came through and by-passed the little motel so that a family oriented business in better time's now catered to a less desirable
crowd. The drug addict's and prostitute's of the strip called it home when they could.
I sat on the edge of the bed with my head in my hand's nursing a massive hangover. The only sound was the rattle of the ancient air conditioner as it strained against impossible odd's to cool the tiny room. I searched in vain for the joint I knew was there somewhere but was unable to locate so I pulled on my jean's and walked out to the car.
In the passenger seat was a woman that I'd never met but I knew her better then I knew myself. She was busy talking on the phone but she wasnt saying a word. I realized I was extremely weary, I mean just dog tired. I walked across the parking lot and peered over the fence and in the distance I saw a tombstone, somehow with a power I didn't understand it pulled me toward's it. when I got close enough to read it I stopped.
My eye's were filled with tear's as I finally understood. You see it was my name on the tombstone and it said I died when I was just a teenager.
Me and the Prostitute in my car were both dead, we don't exist in the real world of life and laughter but only in the hellish mental realm of the drug addict as tiny pin point's of light.

Written by Tori Lynn

this is well said, but sometimes it is also true that the world "of life and laughter" purposely excludes some of those who would like to join in.

yes, you should give up the drug, but don't expect others to accept you and make you feel wanted. give up the drug, but don't forget the lessons of the drug, which are:

1) it's ok for you to feel alright, even if people haven't treated you right.
2) it's alright for you to feel ok, even if you're alone, and ignored.
3) you can't depend on others to make you happy, you have to treat yourself right.

-ell

ell, I certainly appreciate your post, I gave up the world of drug's and alchohol year's ago and you are right about the "world of life and laughter" when I decided to give it up everything opened up to me. I don't think people in general exclude addict's socially, I believe the addict's themselves isolate themselves from the rest of the world and seek out people that are like minded. The root's of addiction are in our past, once we identify the problem and face it we can often overcome the need to live in a alternate reality. My addiction (according to my therapist) was in part due to my severe PTSD caused by being raped in prison over a four year period when I was 17 to 21 years old and conflicted greatly with my gender identity, especially the way my family viewed me after my release. It was extremely hard for me to be myself under those circumstances resulting in me pretty much withdrawing from society altogether. That's pretty hard to do when you think about it because unless a person is a criminal (which I am not) we have to interact with people everyday.