First of all, you certainly should see a therapist or counselor.
That said, in your initial post you gave two goals:
* I really dont want to hurt my wife.
* I have to correct my body at any cost.
It sounds like the "cost" of correcting your body will be to hurt your wife. You need to decide whether "any cost" really includes that. No one can make that decision for you, but a good therapist might help you make it yourself.
Incidentally, at work, I frequently deal with clients who claim that "cost is no object." Then when I show them the actual cost of what they want, they shout, "What! No way!" So I've learned the hard way that when people claim "cost doesn't matter," they rarely mean it. I'm not trying to give you a hard time! I'm just pointing out that it's normal human nature to overstate such claims, and when you learn the true cost, it's okay to go, "Oops! Guess I didn't really mean that."
Is there any way of slowing this process down ...
Well, I don't know if this will work, but try throwing yourself into something that doesn't revolve around you. Perhaps work. Perhaps your wife (and kids?). Perhaps a civic organization. Maybe a hobby. Maybe learn to play the piano. Maybe write a novel. Maybe try competitive ballroom dancing with your wife. Do something that you can be compulsive about. Something that so totally absorbs you that you lose yourself in it, and you forget about yourself and your problems.
Of course, getting obsessed like that might cause its own problems, but at least they'd be different ones.
And, yeah, that has worked for me. More or less. I've decided to play the cards I was dealt, so to speak, at least in public. For now, anyway; I might change my mind next week. Although that might just mean my gender conflicts aren't as severe as yours.
