Let me pose a question that it seems alot of you have gone through. What would you give up for love? Here is my situtaion...

Monday I called one of my best friends, and I mean BEST friend. It is only for her maddening belief that god will provide the husband that has probably kept us from ever being an item. She knows things, besides me being trans, that my parents don't know. Vice versa to her. She is also hardcore christian and very against the thought of divorce. I know that no matter what she goes through in a marriage, she will grin and bear it, even if it kills her. Finally, I love her, I could love her as a lover, best friend, sister, or any other definition of love. I also have a strong desire to protect her.

Anyways...we were talking and I don't know how but she asked me if I ever wondered what could have happened to us. She has asked similer questions before, like about kids, where we would live, ect. But she sounded afraid, especially after I told her about HRT and that I considered it a one way door. So to sum up the conversation as I saw it, she admits some feelings for me and wonders if I would consider being with her. The unspoken agreement was I would have to give up being trans.

Now she would accept me as Luena, but this would take away my ability to protect this girl. If I hook up with her, not only will I have my best friend, but if it gets that far I could protect her from another guy. I don't think I could get her to go along with being with Elisa, besides she deserves a family, kids, and a life removed from the stigma that comes with being associated with me.

My heart isn't helping, its like i've been given a crossroads and left to fend for myself. God brought me to this point, but it seems to be saying, "Up to you, I won't interfer." I asked my therapist, i've asked my uncle, so now i'm asking for your advice. How do you think I should solve this dilemma. I don't want to lose her but...

                She has feelings for you but you have to give up being trans, is that something you can give up even if you wish to?  The question may not be would you, but could you?

Maybe for awile, but I don't know. I have gained alot since coming out. Not all of it pain but a new outlook on life. The times i'm outside as Luena feel RIGHT. I don't feel like i'm dressing up and usually even forget that i'm wearing forms and makeup. But I feel like I owe this girl, she is my best friend and is perhaps one of the few reasons I lived through high school. I'm not looking for justification, I don't know WHAT i'm looking for. Excuses? Half of me says I should continue, the other says go with her.

Quote from: Luana on June 29, 2006, 06:23:43 PM
Now she would accept me as Luena, but this would take away my ability to protect this girl. If I hook up with her, not only will I have my best friend, but if it gets that far I could protect her from another guy. I don't think I could get her to go along with being with Elisa, besides she deserves a family, kids, and a life removed from the stigma that comes with being associated with me.

Ok Im confused here Luana why is that as a TS\woman you couldn't protect her like a sister protects her sister or a mother her daughter??? etc.
and again why do you think you can't give her a family, kids? Thats very possible hell I fully intend to have Kids still!!!! Even though i'm well into transition and HIV+ (Yes, we can safely still have children without infecting the baby or the mother! medical science is a wonder) so if its possible for me and all my complications!!!! why not you?
its obvious you both have strong feelings for one another and a stronger emotional bond I can tell by the passion in your words you love her... the stigma that comes from being with you??? what about the stigma of her being with a man who can't and wont appreciate and love her as much as you obviously do?

Don't short change yourself! or cheat her out of a beautiful love and happiness that is possible from you.
she deserves at least that!

QuoteMy heart isn't helping, its like i've been given a crossroads and left to fend for myself. God brought me to this point, but it seems to be saying, "Up to you, I won't interfer." I asked my therapist, i've asked my uncle, so now i'm asking for your advice. How do you think I should solve this dilemma. I don't want to lose her but...

True, so go and talk it over with her if you truly care about her happiness and love her..remind her that no matter what you will always be the same person she loves now as a friend and possible more even if you change your gender the person inside is the same as for being christian I am sure she'll understand that we all "fall short of the grace and glory of God" but he also blesses in union I think that is based on true love and happiness!

You can be in love with her and still be yourself and if she truly loves you she'll come to that conclusion .........
wierder stuff as happen.
LOVE CONCURES ALL
But the choice and risk is totally yours.

Love
Chynna

We can't truly love others unless we can love ourselves first.

Melissa

i really like what mellisa said (i melissa) i can understand and relate to what your going through but my girl doest know im ftm i know she has feelings for me but she wont admit it i think she is scared of being gay but i am 100% male inside so i dont think she is gay  .
i only date straight woman because im a straight guy anyway..thats  has nothing to do with  this so ....
i hope things work out for the 2 of you and i believe in the long run love wins
take care
            jaded

Hi Luana,
   I heard some very good advice from others. I know that if you have an inkling of having children later, maybe you should store some sperm for a later date. I tried to not let my TS get in the way of my relationship and I thought that I could change and not feel the same, but I was wrong and missed a lot of happiness in my life. You are who you are and you can't change that.
Sheila

Just remember, as TS youare woman inside male body. You have already realized that and she's aware of it as well. Therefore there really is no question of giving up anything as per se. You may not transition any further but the woman in you has been found and even if you try to hide her from you and the girl you talk about, that woman is still there and won't be hidden. The only question you realy have here is how far to transition. I am m2f myself and happily married. I am lucky in that my body is developing without HRT. However, I am not going for HRT or SRS, I'm just happy being woman in a weird twisted halloween costume!!lol
This is fine with my wife,who fully supports this including my hair style, make-up and all. So you may not need to have HRT or SRS to feel whole, but be advised either way, your body may give you more than you thought possible in that the more you give to the woman you are the more through nature you will act as that woman in your walk, talk, posture etc. Good Luck!!

To quote one of the great philosophers of our time, "I would do anything for love but I won't do that."

You are who you are and no matter how you try to cover it up, it will always come back to the surface.  And yes, you can protect others even though you are trans.  I studied a lot of martial arts and while strength helps, I also learned how to use it against someone.  Same thing for size.  Then again, my sidearm makes just about every encounter come out in my favour just by sitting on my hip.

I agree with much of what Kate has said. You can no more stop being a TG than you can stop the wind from blowing no matter how hard you try. I had to shut off all of my feelings just to stop my TG self. I end up in deep depression, which doesn't help anyone.
So be honest with yourself and your best friend or you both may make a very big mistake.
Just my thoughts.

Jillieann

Quote from: Luana on June 29, 2006, 06:23:43 PMGod brought me to this point, but it seems to be saying, "Up to you, I won't interfer."

Funny, thats's the same thing God(dess) told me regarding transitioning.

Just be careful you aren't trying to "cure yourself through love." It's just such a common, tragic theme in our lives.

Luana,

If I were you, I would just lay my cards on the table.  Tell her exactly how you feel.  About your love for her, your desire to protect her as well as the fact that you are TS and always will be. 

I am married to a wonderful woman who was able to accept me just as I am.  She also wants to have children with me and I also have a strong need to protect her. However, my wife knows that I am TS and that at some time HRT will happen and most likely SRS will follow at some point.

She loves me for who I am, for the person I am on the inside.  Even though my wife sees me as a girl and calls me "my big girl" she also makes no bones about the fact that she feels very safe and secure and protected, with me.

The last issue you mention is that she is a very spiritual person.  This may be a problem as Christianity in general, condemns the act of crossdressing.  She may have a stong need to worry about your spiritual well being, i.e. you going to hell for crossdressing, that could present a problem.  I would suggest that this issue be brought up.

If it's really true love, than it will withstand the truth.  Good luck.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Quote from: Elizabeth on July 08, 2006, 06:43:45 AM...
If I were you, I would just lay my cards on the table.  Tell her exactly how you feel.  About your love for her, your desire to protect her as well as the fact that you are TS and always will be. 
...

The last issue you mention is that she is a very spiritual person.  This may be a problem as Christianity in general, condemns the act of crossdressing.  She may have a stong need to worry about your spiritual well being, i.e. you going to hell for crossdressing, that could present a problem.  I would suggest that this issue be brought up.
  I agree. After all this is the reason we feel it's going to be a down and out drag out when we tell my in-laws. But it's like I always say- Heaven may not want me but Hell's afraid I'm going to take over and won't let me in so you are all stuck with me!!lol
  Seriously though, my wife and I feel God creates everyone a certain way for His own reasons and we are not to question Him on it,just accept. Since society and religion looks down on gays and lesbians for a reason then as we say about me, maybe you were chosen to wear the male costume so that you both may be together as man and woman even though you are really female. I don't profess to know all His reasons but this gave us some closure to the mystery. Good luck on your journey and may you find your destination (hapiness) soon


Posted at: July 08, 2006, 06:54:55 AM

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umm,sorry Elizabeth, that first paragraph is yours but I haven't figured out how to box it in or whatever it is you ladies all do to highlight a quote.

[edit]Kimberly played with the quote tag; Kim, edit this post to see how it was done [/edit]