I don't know whether I should be elated or catious. As I'm sure, at least one forum member here has had a parent(s) that *MAY not* have been accepting of them  wanting to transition. My father would be one of those people...if I ever came out to him.

Well, during one of our many, many arguments (Not so much an argument as a one-sided verbal beat-down) he said something that made me consider exactly how apparent my state-of-mind has been. He said that I was in a limbo, ad that I didn't know who or what I was. Whether I was gay, straight, a boy or a girl, a *insert derogatory female body-part term here* or a *insert derogatory female-dog term here* Don't get me wrong, I'm used to this, so I didn't react-untl he said all of that. Now I'm beginning to believe that he might have noticed something was off about me socially a LONG time ago.

Just for the record (because I need somewhere to vent this, and I trust you all) these arguments are long-termed ones, stemming from my mother. He feels I have none of his qualities (Which he has no negative qualities or weakness) and I have my mother's genetics/qualities. (A liar, hateful, evil, fearful, lazy, cowardly, perverted, etc.) and he feels I hate him (which I don't, and will never). Even more so, it stems from my parents paying 30k on my high school tuition and I didn't get a damn scholoarship, so there's that. Since I wouldn't play sports, I'm everything negative in the books. And since I didn't excel academically (I tried, but math crushed me) and the fact that, whenever I got a "C" or below, my "A's" were neglected for him to focus on how much I had FAILED on one or 2 subjects. (Mostly just one-Math)

If I were to tell him, now of all times that I was really "His 3rd Daughter" I think it'll be "cardboard box house" for me. But I am conflicted, because he MUST know sometime, someday, and he's obviously known for sometime I wasn't "a normal kid." He said he'd stick by me, and I can tell him anything. But that was before I failed. I got a 50/50 shot. And as tension rises in my house, all from his end and his anger at me/hatred of me at times, this MAY cool things off and explain why I am theway I am.

I feel better. What do you all think? *GOD, I love this forum! And everyone here* 

Saying things in the heat of anger... doesn't automatically mean that's how one feels. Your father may have just said those things to try and wound you, rather than because he actually believes them... and may have expected you to react defensively.

Don't automatically assume that he's sat down and thought about the things he said. It may have just been a case of "engage mouth, keep brain in neutral". The fact that he touched upon something you actually feel may have been entirely coincidental and, should you confirm the things he said in anger, he may react entirely differently to the way you expect.

I would advise caution, at least until you can somehow find out if he still thinks the same when he's calmed down and is thinking rationally.

It doesn't sound like your dad does calm down -- not with you anyhow. Lots (evidently) of resentment and anger he's compiled about your mom that gets directed toward you. And, just judging by what you said it seems he may have some notion about you fulfilling some of his dreams.

To tell him ... well, that seems very chancy -- a good deal less, I'd say, than the 50/50 you imagine. Of course, what I am reading is your take on the last verbal beat-down and there may well be other aspects of this that you didn't place into the context due to them not arising during this last lil session.

Pari, be cool and really consider this carefully before you divulge.

Do you have somewhere safe you can go if you were to tell him and he was not only verbally violent but physically violent? If such a violent episode were to occur, could you extract yourself from it with some safety? Your dad sounds very volatile and unpredictable from what I just read.

Do be careful and do make an escape-plan for yourself.

Something you should consider, I do because I have worked too long with physically abused women not to consider it, did your dad ever physically assault your mother? Anyone else? How does he view women?

I'd go a few degrees beyond Leia and say use extreme caution. This just doesn't sound like something he's gonna think "rationally" about at all.

Of course, given the venue here and the lack of any background or any way to actualy evaluate your situation this evaluation could be 180 degrees in the wrong direction. But there are too many "warning-signs" and flashing red-lights in what I read for me to think there isn't a huge need for discretion on your part.

Nichole

I'd say that Leiandra and Nichole have both provided some excellent insight and advice.  I would add further that the height of an already emotionally charged situation is definitely NOT the right time for breaking potentially earth-shattering news.  Take it slowly and cautiously and choose the time carefully.  And please be certain you have a clear plan for what you are going to do if things don't go the way you hope.

To paraphrase Kipling "keep your wits about you while all others are losing theirs"...

Gwen

I agree with both Leiandra and Nichole, especially if he has been at any time physically abusive to any other memeber of the family, and if he has a low esteem of women, he sounds like he has no qualms in using the words to indicate that.

Cindy

Don't tell him anything unless you are in a spot where you can be safe doing so. I mean that in terms of living conditions and your physical safety. Just because he suspects does not mean it will be any easier for him to accept.