It was 1996 when I went into a depression. I didn't know why at the time, I only knew that I hated who I was. It was around this time that GID hit me realy big time although at that time I didn't know anything about GID and transsexuality. I just had this desire and I just felt like I was just to ugly to ever be what I had dreamed of being, and at that time, did not want to be for fear of my life. A life I had decided to take on my own terms.
I had a good job that I enjoyed doing, and I loved the people I was working with, that job was my world. But still I hated myself and just stopped eating figuring that would end this pain I constently felt within. I developed an eating disorder which would continue for the next 6 years. I'm 5'3" tall and was 120lbs, at the end of six years I had dropped down to 85 lbs. I just didn't have any energy to do anything. It is not the smart way to lose muscle mass, believe me. And you will lose it, along with what ever fat your body can absorb to sustain itself.
If it hadn't of been for my love Wing Walker who came to the rescue, she arranged for air fair and a taxi to Toronto airport to get me to Washington DC from Midland Ontario Canada. I could have died! that was sobering enough thoughts to snap me out of it.
This had been the second time in one life time for me, that was enough. Previously to this last time I drank alcoholically for twenty years and goodness knows how long I had not eaten anything solid back then as well, but that was twenty years ago, twenty years clean and sober. Just remember once you have had anorexia, it is just as insidious as alcoholism, it can sneak up on you once again then you start the roller coaster once more. It's hard to remember to eat if you don't get hungry, so it's easy to fall into the trap.
Cindy
