Among other concerns and things to think about prescribed by my new therapist  :

He went on and on about what will happen when I change my body.

I was wondering how other people handle this. Right now while I don't look near as femme or nice as in my avatar (add 10 years of dope), I still look undeniably female. The last girl I was seeing, the church girl, swore she was okay with my being trans (didn't tell her till a week before I broke up with her  ) and didn't care that I would look different after transition (she was bi). But would she have really felt that way when I'm shaving my face?

But even so, how messed up is it to date somebody when what they see is NOT what they'll get?

I'm not rushing into anything right now because I'm working on my sobriety and healing and personal development - all the stuff I've neglected for so many years.
But even so, with my health and everything, it may still be a long while before all these physical changes can take place.
So I'm just wondering what happens (for women. no more men for me)when you meet someone as a sexy woman and then she turns into a man.
I personally couldn't give a rat's behind whether I date with great tits, femme face and voice and all that only to magically turn into a guy but women might feel differently. 

Well, 3-4 months after I went full time, I met this woman who it turns out was Bi.  We became friends and then much more then friends.  She told me a few times that she would stay with me no matter weather I was a woman or a man. 

It really depends on the person you get involved in.  It would be oh so much easier if people wore a sign that said,  "I fall in love with the person not which sex they are".  Yet for my former fiancee what gender I was came first.  and fr many people which gender you are makes a big difference   For my current love,  It's who I am that matters not what I am. 

Not sure that helps.

Beni

Sweetie, everybody is going to be different. You won't know until you start dating and this subject actually gets broached. Hell, I don't think most people will know themsleves till they encounter it.

Mina.

Hon,

I have not dated at all.  But I think that if a person is really into you, they wouldn't care.  Confused, yes.  But care I don't think  so.  Maybe I am being little Miss Naive, again.

Janet

When I was in my teens I lived part time en femme and went out a lot (with a group of girls) but, being the 1960's, was very careful that things never went too far and that the guys didn't get their expectations too high. Eventually though there was one guy who really took a liking to me and we dated for awhile. I never let him go any farther than some necking but he fell hard and eventually asked me to marry him. I finally had to explain why I wouldn't/couldn't marry him. He offered to pay for my surgery if I would only say yes. That made it awfully hard to say no, but I did.

I didn't date again until after SRS - it was just awkward if things started getting serious.

I'm just starting to date but I've had my surgery (top) and hysto and have been on T for 6 months and pretty much pass.  The woman I've seen (2 dates now) sees me as a guy.  Now I have to tell her my past before I dare to go any farther than hugs.  How will she take it?  No idea.


Jay

Well, as everyone said. Its on a person to person basis.. In my last relationship, they were perfectly fine with me wearing make up, dresses, going by She. But when I told them I wanted to make that permenant, they broke up with me. I've met quite a few pansexual hopefuls since then.
Just be optimistic =] Good things will happen.

A woman fell in love with me shortly after I came out to myself, over two years before I transitioned. That was right at the point where my existence was in flux too much to allow me to form relationships. Especially anyone expecting me to be male for them, as I assumed a heterosexual woman would do. She had not come out to herself yet. We became friends. She hung around patiently waiting for me to return her amorous feelings. When I came out to her, the year that I transitioned, she continued accepting me and supporting me, and her feelings for me did not change. She helped a lot with my transition. The next year she started going to LGBT events with me like the Dyke March, and came out as lesbian. For me. Then we became lovers, and our lovemaking has all been strictly lesbian. She's happy, I'm happy.

It's rare to find someone who will wait around for years, support your transition, and even switch their sexual orientation for you. I'm a lucky gal.

One of the many benefits of this relationship: Not having to introduce the subject of transsexualism in connection with the beginning of dating. She observed my whole transformation over the course of a few years... and the verdict is: She likes me a lot better this way!

Hi Nero.  That isn't an easy question to answer.  As others have stated, it really does depend on the person your seeing.  Eventually, you will explain your transition.  How deeply that person feels for you will determine their commitment to you.  My wife will leave me when I start transitioning again.  I already have, but since I'm working overseas right now, she isn't yet aware.  It's just so complicated.  I wonder if I'll be able to find someone else.  I know I'll find a guy, perhaps a woman, who won't have a problem being with me, but for how long?  It depends on what they are looking for in a person.  Finding one who will remain with you through transition is a hit or miss process.  I guess you never really know until the relationship starts getting serious, and you feel it is necessary to explain your intentions.  All one can do then is hope that the other person is understanding and cares enough to remain.

I can understand where you are coming from, however the changes aren't that drastic. And
we all change as time goes on anyhow.

Quote from: Jay on January 26, 2009, 02:27:10 AM
however the changes aren't that drastic.

Lies! :p

Anyway get a pansexual girl. Im one and I have consider dating an FTM but things didnt worked in the end.

Quote from: Nero on January 24, 2009, 09:31:22 AM
But even so, how messed up is it to date somebody when what they see is NOT what they'll get?

To be honest, who ever is entirely as they seem? We all got secrets and we all have sides we try not to show. But as you date someone that stuff gradually is found out or revealed. Being trans or having a changing body is part of it.

Look at it this way, its a built in filter. You automatically won't attract or keep anyone who is to shallow to accept you even a little bit for who you are.

Quote from: Terra on January 28, 2009, 12:14:52 AMTo be honest, who ever is entirely as they seem? We all got secrets and we all have sides we try not to show. But as you date someone that stuff gradually is found out or revealed. Being trans or having a changing body is part of it.

That's the truth.  You said it very well. Being trans is integrated into your life as just one of many aspects of the whole person. But if it stands out as something unique, separate.. freaky even... it'll make us nervous... because it makes others act weird toward us...

The question is, which model of the person will prevail?

QuoteLook at it this way, its a built in filter. You automatically won't attract or keep anyone who is to shallow to accept you even a little bit for who you are.

Yes... that's one reason I let go of my marriage (although not the main reason). Let go of my family too, but that is a lot harder emotionally.