My 13 yr. old son told me today he thinks he is bisexual today I was really surprised because I really didn't think he had thought much about sex or sexuality as of yet. we had a really nice talk and I told him that what ever he chooses for his sexuality doesn't change our relationship that it is his chioce to make and I love him for him not his sexuality. then I bored him with another condom talk. It felt really good to have him come to me and talk openly with me. He expressed some concern about what other kids may think of him in the future. the only responce I could think to give him was that he had the choice to either live his life to make everyone else happy or to be happy himself that there will always be those who criticize for something he does or doesn't do that makes him fall short of thier idea of who he should be and in the end the only person he has to answer to for his life is himself. The talk went well but I still feel like I should know what to say to alleviate some of his worries and fears. At least I know he feels he can trust me to talk to me about his personal life. but god thirteen seems so young.

13 isn't that young. I realized I was gay when I was that age.. but looking back, I was gay before I actually realized it.

You reacting in a positive, supportive way is the best anyone could ever hope for.  The only thing I might add is to make sure you understand sexuality isn't a choice.. you said it was his choice to make, and I completely understand the sentiment and appreciate you said it in a loving way, but if he's bi, it's not really a choice. But other than that I think you said and did all the right things, everyone is nervous about being teased but.. if he has a support group behind him, all of that will be easier to deal with.

Quote from: TamTam on January 28, 2009, 10:07:59 PM
13 isn't that young. I realized I was gay when I was that age.. but looking back, I was gay before I actually realized it.

You reacting in a positive, supportive way is the best anyone could ever hope for.  The only thing I might add is to make sure you understand sexuality isn't a choice.. you said it was his choice to make, and I completely understand the sentiment and appreciate you said it in a loving way, but if he's bi, it's not really a choice. But other than that I think you said and did all the right things, everyone is nervous about being teased but.. if he has a support group behind him, all of that will be easier to deal with.

you are right about the choice comment! I know better than that! I will have to find a way to ammend this mistake when we talk about this again. one question should i wait to talk with him some more till he comes to me or if I feel like it should I bring the subject up? I don't want to crowd him but I also don't want to seem as though I am avoiding the subject. you would think I would be better prepared for this as far as knowing what to say but I guess parenting is on the job training!

Haha.. well, I honestly think it depends on the child.  I know for me personally, I don't mind if my mom ever brings it up, and I didn't back then, either.  I did feel a little awkward sometimes when she teased me about me and my "future girlfriend picking out china together" because I wasn't quite used to the concept myself and it just felt weird to be teased about something I felt so self-conscious about.. but teasing is different than if she ever had something genuinely serious to talk to me about.

I think if you say it casually, like.. "Hey, I was just thinking about something I said the other day when we talked, and I want to let you know I know your sexuality isn't a choice, I may have worded it poorly."  I don't think that would be crowding.. crowding would probably be bringing it up all the time and plastering the house in rainbow flags, lol.

But again, it really does depend on the child.. did he seem comfortable with himself when he told you, or did he seem nervous/unsure/insecure/uncomfortable?  If he's uncomfortable talking about it, or uncomfortable with the idea he might be bi, it might be best to just let the topic go until he brings it up again.  But if he was speaking freely and openly and sounded comfortable and sure, then I think you could bring it up without it causing trouble.

he seemed very nervous at first but he seemed to relax alot after the conversation got going. I think I will wait a couple days and then bring it up casually like you suggest and then let him take the lead from there on! thank you for the advise!

Thirteen-year-olds should not be dating. The rule of seven forbids it.

Your son is quite lucky to have such a wonderful sweetheart of a mother ^^: My parents have always been really.... unaccepting. =\ When i originally told them that I like males they freaked, and denied it. Since then I've never been able to really open up to them about anything else.. Since I know they will just tell me its not true. I'm wrong. =\ Hell I got caught with one of my sister's skirts in my room when I was 14 and got punched for it.

Sorry, didn't mean to rant about my issues. Ahem!

You're a good mother, and I'm sure he will continue to be very open and truthful with you =] I just hope my child is as open as him.

Quote from: Jushi on January 28, 2009, 11:43:35 PM
Your son is quite lucky to have such a wonderful sweetheart of a mother ^^: My parents have always been really.... unaccepting. =\ When i originally told them that I like males they freaked, and denied it. Since then I've never been able to really open up to them about anything else.. Since I know they will just tell me its not true. I'm wrong. =\ Hell I got caught with one of my sister's skirts in my room when I was 14 and got punched for it.

Sorry, didn't mean to rant about my issues. Ahem!

You're a good mother, and I'm sure he will continue to be very open and truthful with you =] I just hope my child is as open as him.

I appreciae the thought in calling me his mother but we stick to me being dad with the kids he has a wonderful mom and I couldn't replace her no matter what. I couldn't expect him to accept me being TS if I couldn't accept him being who he is I would have to be a complete hypocrite. and i truely understand the rant I had similar experiences growing up my father was not accepting at all either.

Quote from: Jessie_Heart on January 28, 2009, 11:50:25 PM
I appreciae the thought in calling me his mother but we stick to me being dad with the kids he has a wonderful mom and I couldn't replace her no matter what. I couldn't expect him to accept me being TS if I couldn't accept him being who he is I would have to be a complete hypocrite. and i truely understand the rant I had similar experiences growing up my father was not accepting at all either.

=] You under estimate the love of a child. And theres nothing wrong with two moms! Especially with little boys who generally cling to mum!

 I know that there is nothing wrong with two moms my sister and her girlfriend make it work well but this is just a personal decision for me I don't ever want to make my partner feel like I am trying to take her place. I want her to know that no matter what ever happened her place in my life and the childrens lives is secure.

Quote from: Jessie_Heart on January 29, 2009, 12:01:43 AM
I know that there is nothing wrong with two moms my sister and her girlfriend make it work well but this is just a personal decision for me I don't ever want to make my partner feel like I am trying to take her place. I want her to know that no matter what ever happened her place in my life and the childrens lives is secure.

You truely are a sweetheart =] I can only hope to find some one like you.
Good luck with your son, keep us informed! =D

Quote from: Jushi on January 29, 2009, 12:04:14 AM

Quote from: Jessie_Heart on January 29, 2009, 12:01:43 AM
I know that there is nothing wrong with two moms my sister and her girlfriend make it work well but this is just a personal decision for me I don't ever want to make my partner feel like I am trying to take her place. I want her to know that no matter what ever happened her place in my life and the childrens lives is secure.

You truely are a sweetheart =] I can only hope to find some one like you.
Good luck with your son, keep us informed! =D

will do thanks

Quote from: TamTam on January 28, 2009, 10:07:59 PM
13 isn't that young. I realized I was gay when I was that age.. but looking back, I was gay before I actually realized it.

I wish my parents reacted exactly the same way you did hun.

I think your reaction was absolutely great, Jessie! Also, your support will be more than a little helpful to your son down the road. It helps when a kid knows that he has someone he loves and trust to talk to about things.

My own Dad is gay, but he didn't come out of the closet to us until I was almost 20. By then, I knew I wasn't really interested in women at all sexually, and had been struggling with my own gender identity for several years, and had been scared stiff of coming out to my folks mostly because of what I thought HIS reaction. I've felt able to talk to him about the first part of things, and its really helped to settle my mind. He's given me alot of advice and guidance that was absolutely priceless. I don't know why I've never felt able to talk with him about being TS.....

I hope things continue to go well with your son!!

Angela