Evenings all!

I figured its time for me to come in and introduce myself, since it seems now that I'm going to be here for quite awhile (hopefully ). I'm a 25 year old  and I've been struggling with my identity since I was 13. I've been kinda ignoring my own thoughts, feelings, and such for such a long time. My thought was that if I just refused to look, they would go away. Gee.....I thought I had stopped hiding under the blanket 21 years ago. I've been so scared, not just personally, but how it would affect my relationships with others (family, friends, etc) that I couldn't bring myself to accept me for me. So I lived my life trying to make myself into a role I didn't fit,

One of the big things that has happened I had a long conversation with a friend of mine who is a FTM. We haven't talked regularly in several years, since I had moved away to another part of the states. He and I have talked about our mutual gender identity issues before....in fact he's the only one I've ever talked to about my own feelings. He told me about some of the things he's been doing in his transistion, and that he was now living full-time. He encouraged me to open up more, to talk to others, to get started living a life that means not lying to my own self anymore.

I realized he was right. I couldn't live the way I had been anymore. I can't hide from my thoughts, my feelings, and me anymore.

I need someone to talk to, but right now, I'm kinda in a wierd situation. I'm working as a teacher in Korea, and just signed a contract for a second year over here. I don't have access to a therapist that I can talk to....just my friends. I found the forums here, and hope that for now at least, this can be a place where I can be myself, even though I show a different face to the rest of the world.

Thanks for listening.......

Angela

Hello Angela

welcome come in slip into somethng more comfotable and be yourself there are plenty here who are understanding and who share your feelings. it is nice to meet you!

Hi Angela,   

Welcome to our little family. Over 1660 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion. Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers.  Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now.  And it is always nice to have another sister.   

Tink or Nichole will be along shortly to remind you of the rules.  But have a great time here.

Janet

Hi Angela,

Welcome to Susans, you will find that you are not the only one to feel this way, i think many of us had these feelings from an early age. Might i suggest if you think you will transition after your next year teaching is done, see if you can find a place to get your facial hair removed it's a long process but worth it in the end, if your hair is short start growing it out now, i wear a wig and it can get hot wearing it. I don't know if they have malls there but if they do go and observe the women your age, what they wear how they move then practice it at home. And work on your voice, the Wiki has some information on all these things.
working on these things will give you a head start when you decide to transition.


Paula.

Hi Angela and welcome

You'll find that many have had similar experiences. I lived in denial of myself for several years. I tried to create a person who wasn't really me and was miserable. You've got allot of friends to talk to here, so jump on in 

Thanks alot everyone for your welcomes! Paula, thanks for your advice about what to do in the upcoming year! I don't know if I can can start growing out my hair (talking to hairdressers is hard enough here as it is without trying to explain what I need), but I definitely plan to see what I can do about the other parts. Can I really start practicing voice on my own? Thats going to take alot of work on my part.....my male voice is a natural bass so I know I'm going to need a lot of help in that regard. I've already done some of what you mentioned, like the people watching at shopping malls to get ideas of how women walk and move properly.

Thanks for all the advice, and I hope to be chatting with all of you soon!

Something I've used for voice training is the A scale on a piano starting at A3. That's the A note below middle C

Hello Angela and welcome to Susan's! 

Thanks so much for introducing yourself.  Please take a few moments to get familiar with all the boards of the site, review the site rules before posting, and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki, chat, and the links listed at the main page.  We look forward to your future posts and participation.  Enjoy your stay! 

tink