After much deliberation, I decided to go out tonight to a straight club... and, by the way, for anyone who's visiting this site and wondering about how to get a cheap binder, you don't even have to go online--- I just used a neoprene weight loss belt from Target. Anyway, I went to the club. Got carded twice, and I can't tell you how long the bouncer looked at my IDs... which is a good sign, because I've been told by numerous people that while I look 24 for a female (my actual age), I look 16 for a male. Getting carded was actually a GOOD thing.

No guys gave me a second glance. Usually, when not binding, they'll check me out, then go back to whatever (and there's the occasional disturbing event when one of them hits on me), but nothing. I did have a couple chicks check me out, though (or perhaps that was wishful thinking). I was sitting upstairs in the club, and a guy walked up, asked me if the seat next to me was taken, and when I said no, he said, "Could you move so I can sit with my girl?" Okay. Maybe I'm interpreting this wrong, but I've never had a guy be so forward... usually they give me the whole fake chivalry bit, like they're trying to be nice, when all they want me to do is move.

On the way out of the bar, I had a dude stop me with a "Hey, man," didn't give me a second glance and continued his spiel... he was collecting for some charity, and when I gave him a buck, he said, "Thank you, sir. You have a good night, man."

Yeah... it was a good night. Didn't meet the girl of my dreams, but who does their first time?

Rafe

Quote from: Rafe on July 15, 2006, 01:01:51 AM
I was sitting upstairs in the club, and a guy walked up, asked me if the seat next to me was taken, and when I said no, he said, "Could you move so I can sit with my girl?" Okay. Maybe I'm interpreting this wrong, but I've never had a guy be so forward... usually they give me the whole fake chivalry bit, like they're trying to be nice, when all they want me to do is move.

(Shudders)
Yes, that sounds like a male to male approach.  I hated how forward men always were with me.

It definitely sounds like you passed your own test (being seen as male the whole time).

Melissa

Yep sounds like u were recognized for who u are in 'the lair'. Awesome. Sounds like u had a better time then I usually had. Next time u might not find ms right but maybe you'll stumble across mrs right now 
~Amy

Quote from: Rafe on July 15, 2006, 01:01:51 AM
After much deliberation, I decided to go out tonight to a straight club...

Ha ha meeting the girl of your dreams, that usually only happens in your dreams, although I'm sure that many here will argue that point with me   It sure is great being accepted for who you are.  I firmly believe that one of the true tests is to venture into unfriendly places to conquer any fears on passing and it seems that you did just that.  I bet you felt great afterwards.  How did you handle the washroom issue, or did the need arise.  Anyway, congrats, congrats.

Steph

Atta boy Rafe! Soon they'll be lining up begging you for your number, patience grass hopper.

    Tino

Way to go Rafe. Just keep playing it cool, and you will find her. Good luck.

                               Marco

Yeah, Steph, that was my predicament. I got up the nerve to go out, got a nice energy drink, which of course made me need a restroom as soon as I got to the club, and it was only then I realized, which bathroom do I use?

Instead of going through that on my first time out, I walked down the street to a pizza place, used their one-person bathroom, then went to the club. After 2 beers, I left the club to avoid such a decision again. What do you do, though? I mean, I've read plenty of things about TS bathroom etiquette, etc., but in reality, what happens if you go into a men's room and someone outs you? I don't think I'm quite set for the consequences.

Rafe

Hello Rafe.

If you are passing ok then use the bathroom of the gender you're passing as "Dude".  But don't stand at the urinal, go into a stall and close the door and sit.  Piece of cake, ya I know, I know.  That first step into the unknown is hard.  Would it be possible for you to go with a male friend to one of these clubs.  Then as long as you don't go into the washroom together (Guys don't do that) he could follow you in or go in first and run interference if needed.  I had a girl friend that did that for me the first time that I ventured into the unknown   It worked, and the next time I went out I was ok.

I know it seems daunting at first but it will be ok.  One thing to your advantage is that unlike girls, guys don't hang around and chat in the washroom, it's in, take a leak, or take a dump, then out, most guys don't even hang around to wash their hands.  It's not cool for guys (well straight guys) to be hanging around places where they may inadvertently see a dick.  Guys who linger in the washroom could get thumped, so don't be a dick and get in and get out.

Steph

I've done that before, Cindi--- gone into the men's room when there was a line for the women's. And I know I should just go in the men's room and into a stall... just a little apprehensive, that's all. Probably natural for a beginner. But I definitely intend to go out binder in tow more often... today I had a woman call me "ma'am" about 4 times, and I was about ready to scream. One step forward, two steps back.

Rafe

Quote from: Steph on July 15, 2006, 04:27:38 PM
...don't be a dick and get in and get out.

Steph

Alrighty then.  Interesting choice of words.

I used to be afraid of going into the women's room when I first started transitioning and felt safe going into the men's.  After I was a ways into my transition, I had stopped using men's rooms in "male mode" since I didn't pass too well as male and figured I would get funny looks.  Well, I was watching a movie and had to use the restroom really badly and since I was in "male mode", I went for the men's restroom.  I quickly went into a stall since I didn't want to be seen and used it.  I had never been so nervous in the men's restroom before.  In fact it felty similar to when I first started using the women's restroom.  After I was done I washed my hands and left.  I didn't have anyone see me, but it was funny how I felt so much safer in women's restrooms than in men's at that point.  Now using the women's restroom feels like the "right one" and the men's room is the opposite "off limits" one.  The big difference is I have no desires ot curiosity about using the other one.

Melissa

It's funny everyone's been noting to me that guys don't hang around and chat in restrooms, because that's one of the things that's always bugged me the most about women. I go into a restroom, I want to do what I have to, wash my hands, and get out. Numerous times, however, I've had chicks I didn't even know just start talking to me, and there I am trying desperately to figure out how to get out of the bathroom. It just feels awkward. So I really don't think there's any danger of my hanging around too long in the men's room.

And Melissa... I've used the men's room before when the women's was full, and it does feel more natural going in there. It's just the larger restrooms I'm really worried about, because what if I go in and the stalls are full? I think I just need to get more accustomed to going out male... and get a more comfortable binder.

Thanks for the congrats, Tinkerbell. Strangely enough, I'm comforted by a guy talking to me rudely because I know its significance. Now, if it were a chick being so rude, I'd probably be a bit irate.

Rafe

Rafe, if the stall's full, just stand around in a spot (not near or within view of the urinals if you can manage it) and wait. If you can hold it a little longer, walk straight to the sink and wash your hands and leave. Then you can come back later.

Pretty well any guy looks and feels uncomfortable when he's got to wait for a stall, so don't worry about that.

Dennis

Well, I was always uncomfortable hanging around in the men's room.  I agree that it's considered a bad thing to do.  I have had conversations with guys in there though.

Melissa

Quote from: Melissa on July 17, 2006, 03:30:19 PM
Well, I was always uncomfortable hanging around in the men's room.  I agree that it's considered a bad thing to do.  I have had conversations with guys in there though.

Melissa

Ya me to, more like "Hey! how ya doin".

Steph