But to answer this you have to be subjective.  No stepping outside your own experiences.  No taking the position of counselor, philosopher or any non involved person.  This has to be viewed from your own personal perspective...

Obviously, if the world was as accepting of being trans as they are of being Christian, not one trans person would be in the closet, feel guilty or fear losing their job, their families and their friends.

The fact that so many of us validate society's view of us by feeling guilty or sacrificing our personal selves is proof we have a lesser image of ourselves than we deserve.  And it doesn't do a whole lot in freeing us to be able to be the best we can because we are voluntarily carrying around a one ton albatross on our necks.

So, the question is, how do we free ourselves from this self imposed prison?

Don't justify your past, don't make excuses for why you've acted in a certain way.  Look at this only from a "what can be done from this point on to better my life?" point of view.

Julie

Realise that all suffering is relative. Understand and accept that you are not the only person in the world. Focus on sharing your empathy, accumulated knowledge and experience with others, helping those less fortunate, forming connections.

That's what I do.

Quote from: Julie Marie on February 02, 2009, 09:55:21 AM
Obviously, if the world was as accepting of being trans as they are of being Christian, not one trans person would be in the closet, feel guilty or fear losing their job, their families and their friends.

That's a flawed premis. "The world... accepting... being Christian" is an invalid assumption that is not even true of the United States, let alone the world. In general, Christians are not accepted, but are viewed as intolerant and bigotted, and in some places are emprisoned and killed. The difference between Christians and transpeople is that Christians believe they have a "mission" that overrides whether they are accepted or not. In fact they have elivated that lack of acceptance to the status of martyrdom as a badge of honor.

For myself, I have taken on a similar attitude about being trans. This is how god has created me, and to feel guilty or letting the world cow me into conformity would be denying that I am called to live out my life as who I truly am.

Um, it looks like this is becoming philosophical.  I know it's posted in the Philosophy section but I was hoping for some real world answers like we need to change our attitude about being trans, as if you erased all your inhibitions about being trans and completely accepted yourself without regard for what other people think.  No bitterness, no screw em attitude, just acceptance.

In other words, since we can't change the world, what can we change in ourselves to make our world better?

Julie

Julie, I don't think we could reduce it to an objective definition or procedure based on your initial premise.

What is the line from the song...

"We spend our lives in prison but we don't even know we have the key"

Each person's "key" and prison is unique to that person.

Would the line that freed me: "But what if you *are* a transsexual?"  have done anything to open the door to your prison?  No, because my prison was based so deeply in my denial of being transsexual where as you were never in such denial.  We were starting from two different points.

Given that I don't see how we could put a "handbook" together that would help people see themselves or give up their burden.  That's why self help books are so popular.  People are looking for the instruction manual on how to live their lives.  Each path is different, I'm afraid.

-Sandy

Quote from: Julie Marie on February 02, 2009, 11:04:16 AM
Um, it looks like this is becoming philosophical.  I know it's posted in the Philosophy section but I was hoping for some real world answers like we need to change our attitude about being trans, as if you erased all your inhibitions about being trans and completely accepted yourself without regard for what other people think.  No bitterness, no screw em attitude, just acceptance.

In other words, since we can't change the world, what can we change in ourselves to make our world better?

Julie

Um... mine was a real world answer. Human first, whatever else second. The trans aspect only has as much importance in your life as you give it. Interact with other people as equal sentient beings, look for shared thoughts, ideas, philosophies... focus on the common goals, not the different backgrounds. Use your talents and skills you've developed as a person to help and support anyone, regardless of the 'labels' of people who need them.

See beyond the flesh. Your own and other people's.

In my opinion, you improve your own life by improving the lives of those around you.

To me it sounds like what might be needed is a bit of self confidence, as in being able to say "I am a (fill in the blank)" honestly (not to imply any dishonesty in the means of self identity) and completely, without the need/desire for the external validation from a larger group. (society)

As I see it, alot of that comes from lack of perceived changes, which along with the desire to be accepted in a peer group, makes a lovely (?) mix of FUD.

I don't mean to understate the difficulties of being trans, but giving oneself some leeway what it comes to what has happened, will happen, or might happen, is easier then trying to be or act like something different then who you really are.
(just my 2 counterfeit pennies)

Quote from: Leiandra on February 02, 2009, 11:25:56 AM

Quote from: Julie Marie on February 02, 2009, 11:04:16 AM
Um, it looks like this is becoming philosophical.  I know it's posted in the Philosophy section but I was hoping for some real world answers like we need to change our attitude about being trans, as if you erased all your inhibitions about being trans and completely accepted yourself without regard for what other people think.  No bitterness, no screw em attitude, just acceptance.

In other words, since we can't change the world, what can we change in ourselves to make our world better?

Julie

Um... mine was a real world answer.

So was mine, and I have to tell you that a "screw 'em" attitude is exactly what it takes to successfully transition. You really have to not care what people think of you.

Quote from: Flan Princess on February 02, 2009, 11:42:04 AM
To me it sounds like what might be needed is a bit of self confidence, as in being able to say "I am a (fill in the blank)" honestly (not to imply any dishonesty in the means of self identity) and completely, without the need/desire for the external validation from a larger group. (society)

YES!!!!!!!

Quote from: Sandy on February 02, 2009, 11:23:41 AM
Julie, I don't think we could reduce it to an objective definition or procedure based on your initial premise.

What is the line from the song...

"We spend our lives in prison but we don't even know we have the key"

Each person's "key" and prison is unique to that person.

Would the line that freed me: "But what if you *are* a transsexual?"  have done anything to open the door to your prison?  No, because my prison was based so deeply in my denial of being transsexual where as you were never in such denial.  We were starting from two different points.

Given that I don't see how we could put a "handbook" together that would help people see themselves or give up their burden.  That's why self help books are so popular.  People are looking for the instruction manual on how to live their lives.  Each path is different, I'm afraid.

-Sandy

Absolutely, with addenda to include Leia, Lis and Flan.

That lil ole instructional text about your life is the one you invariably have to write yourself if you have ever a hope of getting things right "for me." At some point or another you're gonna have to go your own way because everyone else's is gonna diverge from your own.

About 100% of our problems come from wanting to find a tried and true path that someone else maps for us.

They can help here and there on the road with advice or directions, but you're still gonna have to do the traveling for yourself to get to where you're going.

Nichole

Quote from: Sandy on February 02, 2009, 11:23:41 AM"We spend our lives in prison but we don't even know we have the key"

Each person's "key" and prison is unique to that person.

-Sandy

And that's exactly what I wanted to know.  This is not about a broad based, all-encompassing, singular answer.  It's about each person individually adopting an attitude where they truly find peace within themselves and don't feel the need to be defiant or rebellious or act out in any other way which is the result of anger or hurt.  And they can interact with others in a way that gets them thinking about the prejudice and negative stigma and how wrong it is.

On a global scale, history has shown mass protest, violence, anger and destruction get people to sit up and take notice.  And if we want to make sweeping changes we probably need to do that.  The problem is, when it comes to the transgender population, there are too many afraid to come out of the closet to make that kind of impact.  I believe the numbers are there but the desire to out oneself is not.

What works for you individually in helping you to bring about change?  If it's defiance and rebellion that works for you, fine, but that also causes alienation.  And if we alienate people they won't listen to us and will never know who we really are. 

It's the one-on-one interactions, carried out in a common sense, logical manner, that actually gets inside people's minds and starts changing the world from the inside out.

Julie

PS: Sandy, you may see me as someone who always knew who I was and I guess that's true but I was so stubborn I refused to acknowledge what I knew.  It wasn't denial, it was closed minded stubbornness based steeply in intense fear.

Quote from: Julie Marie on February 02, 2009, 12:46:15 PM

Quote from: Sandy on February 02, 2009, 11:23:41 AM"We spend our lives in prison but we don't even know we have the key"

Each person's "key" and prison is unique to that person.

-Sandy

And that's exactly what I wanted to know. 

Hmmmmm... Is it that you wanted to know that? Or is it that you wanted somebody to affirm what you already believed?

If...

Quote from: Julie Marie on February 02, 2009, 09:55:21 AM
This has to be viewed from your own personal perspective...

... then why did you take exception to those of us who did as you asked?

I have to agree with lisbeth in that its best to just keep moving forward. History has shown that people will kill anything that doesn't fit the contemporary of the time. I mean shoot even Jesus Christ was crucified for basically being a good liberal person. As for anything else Im beat  .

Sometimes you just have to choose.  It sucks.  But its very real.  Sure you love living in Kansas, but you want to be a surfer.  Can't do both.

Since it costs a lot to win, and even more to lose,
You and me bound to spend some time wondrin what to choose.
Goes to show, you dont ever know,
Watch each card you play and play it slow,
Wait until that deal come round,
Dont you let that deal go down, no, no.

Yeah, but he's a gonna be waiting a long, long time for that hay to crest so he can hang ten moon doggie. 

To answer the question:
You do one of two things either
A: You kill yourself
or
B: You make your own rules and live by them simple as that

Quote from: Lisbeth on February 02, 2009, 10:49:56 AM
That's a flawed premis. "The world... accepting... being Christian" is an invalid assumption that is not even true of the United States, let alone the world. In general, Christians are not accepted, but are viewed as intolerant and bigotted, and in some places are emprisoned and killed. The difference between Christians and transpeople is that Christians believe they have a "mission" that overrides whether they are accepted or not. In fact they have elivated that lack of acceptance to the status of martyrdom as a badge of honor.

For myself, I have taken on a similar attitude about being trans. This is how god has created me, and to feel guilty or letting the world cow me into conformity would be denying that I am called to live out my life as who I truly am.

Totally agree with you.

Personally I believe that everything happens for a reason and that Allah/God never gives us anything we can't cope with (this site is living proof!).

Only God can judge us and so be it, if people have a problem with us it's their problem not ours.

I think whatever you do, you cannot exit your prison on your own, you always need someone who helps you to open the prison from the outside. If there wasn't someone to exit, you'd stay in there, locked. Only if you step up to who you are and someone accepts you for that, you will continue in that direction. If you get rejected each time, eventually you'll retreat further into that prison of yours.

Therefore, a change as big as a community gaining acceptance of the whole world, can never be a sudden change. Like the homosexuals 40 years ago, gradually grew in numbers and also became more common. So what I'm trying to say is: With every person that stands up for his believes, it is easier for the next one to do it in a similar way.

I agree with Julie though, it's the interactions that will bring about the change. I wouldn't be willing to agree with a person if this person if I don't get treated with respect.  So whenver I try to convince people of something I believe in, I first try to gain their acceptance and respect.
That is also how I get out of my prison, when I feel that people respect me for who I am, I don't feel like I am behind any kind of bars that restrict myself.

So, the question is, how do we free ourselves from this self imposed prison?

I don't know the answer but would suggest that's it best to have good friends and to enjoy the good side of it which can be great.

"Our Prison" is also our liberty, we can go places, see things and experience life in ways that are incredibly beautiful. It's a blessing, albeit an onerous one.

Buddhist Reply: Detatch from the need to reinforce ourselves with the approval of others. If we weren't so attached to whether or not someone else approves/disapproves of who/what/how we are, then we wouldn't feel imprisoned at all and wouldn't hesitate to pursue the life/path we most would feel happy with.