All right. You're going to have to bear with me for a moment, because this is going to sound pretty stupid and absurd. I don't know how to shave.
No, seriously.
When I was 14 and started getting a light touch of facial hair, I asked my dad to show me how to remove it, and he bought me an electric razor, and told me it was just as good. He doesn't care much about his own hair, and says he can't even recall how to do it the old fashioned way since it's been so long. I've been using an electric razor pretty much since then, and only under present circumstances in the past year have I really wanted to shave closer.
Of course, I've attempted it. But it simply does not work. I understand it on a conceptual level - you put on the shaving cream, you drag the blade in the opposite direction to the hair growth. However, this appears to do literally nothing. I mean, I guess it might be cutting off some hair, but it seems even less effective then what I've been doing thus far. I've made sure the blade is new and sharp and stuff. Pressing hard, light, different directions - it's all the same. I cut my face up, but seemingly no hair is removed.
I asked my friend about this, and he just laughed and then shrugged it off. The internet is also useless.
So, uhh, help?