So this week I went out in public for the first time! whoohoo!!! I won't bother with the details here, but I think I passed ok. I "think" I passed. And that's what I want to figure out really. I can look at myself and realize that its me, and not the cute teenage girl I'd like to see, but at the same time I can appreciate that, from a certain distance, in a certain light, provided I am not really doing anything other than just sitting there (didn't really find heels to be the easiest things to walk in, especially on uphill icy pavements). Anyways, I was wondering how do you know when you've done it for real? I may have been able to fool some people, but I couldn't escape from the fact that I kept feeling that everybody I walked passed somehow read me like a book. Maybe I am being paranoid here, I mean, I didn't exactly get and s->-bleeped-<-s or anything. But you do wonder if people do clock you, but keep it to themselves. Does that "count" as passing? It really shouldn't, but I guess there is no way to know this really. Maybe I'm just talking too much here again. Anyone got any ideas? (p.s. the question was "how do you know if you've actually passed or not?". Not meaning to patronize by that, but sometimes people do get lost in all the spiel)

I don't think that most people are paying all that much attention most of the time.  They are worried about their job, or the pot they found in their kids rooms, or their bad grades or they are going through the fight they had with their BF/GF the night before, or they are obsessing on their GID, or any number of things that people think about while not paying attention.

Quote from: tekla on February 05, 2009, 06:03:32 PM
I don't think that most people are paying all that much attention most of the time.  They are worried about their job, or the pot they found in their kids rooms, or their bad grades or they are going through the fight they had with their BF/GF the night before, or they are obsessing on their GID, or any number of things that people think about while not paying attention.

I generally don't agree with Tekla, but most people don't care unless you are really out there.  But if you try to blend in, you will be accepted for who you are.  A woman.  And Attitude will help you blend in better than anything.

Do what you want or have to and no one will ever care.

Maybe Tekla is growing on me, or we are just seeing eye to eye, again.
Janet

It also depends on how much attention you draw to yourself. Are you wearing the kind of clothes that girls your age wear? Does your hair look like a wig? Are you nervously looking at everyone in the eye thinking 'can you tell that I have a peepee'? Are you wearing an amount of make-up that would seem more appropriate for night time? Remembering the way you act/carry yourself is just as important as how you look. And yes it's so true most people are more caught up in their own lifes just as much as you are!!! That is 70% of it in my eyes. The first time I went out I got whistles etc I dont know if it was because they thought I looked good or because they knew I Was a guy and were taking the piss. lol.
Have fun and be safe!

what you'll find is you'll know when you 'made it' when you stop caring about if you pass or not.  You cannot tell if people read you or not, but you'll get to a point where it doesnt matter.  Stop worrying so much.  If people look at you, just get the mindset that they arnt looking at you because they think somethings different, but because they are checking you out or something.  It helps to keep you from going nuts with anxiety.  If a guy stares at me, I just tell myself he thinks im cute.  Doesnt matter what he really thinks, I'll never know.  But in the end it doesnt matter.

i dont think how you act is 70%... not of you look like borris becker....

If you pass, you pass, if you dont, you can work on it, but i think thats a good first time hon.

How do you know? people dont point and laugh, pronouns, maybe holding a door?

Go to a place with toilets, where the mens are in one direction, and womens the other
ask for the loo, and the direction they point tells you if you pass

Passing, as we refer to it, is being accepted by strangers as the gender opposite the one you were born.  If people don't notice you, you haven't passed, you just went unnoticed.  If you interact with someone and they respond to you as they would any other person of your presented gender, then they perceive you to be that gender or just don't care you are trans.  The only way to really know is for someone to find out for you how they perceived you or to ask them yourself (then you're busted).

I no longer think of passing.  Passing seems to me like I'm trying to be seen as something I'm not.  I prefer to just be.  However people respond is their thing.  I never thought about passing when I lived in the facade.  Why would I want to think about that now that I'm truly me?  Life is so much simpler when you just live it and don't worry about what the neighbors think.

Julie

Quote from: Julie Marie on February 06, 2009, 12:40:56 PM
Passing, as we refer to it, is being accepted by strangers as the gender opposite the one you were born.  If people don't notice you, you haven't passed, you just went unnoticed.  If you interact with someone and they respond to you as they would any other person of your presented gender, then they perceive you to be that gender or just don't care you are trans.  The only way to really know is for someone to find out for you how they perceived you or to ask them yourself (then you're busted).

I no longer think of passing.  Passing seems to me like I'm trying to be seen as something I'm not.  I prefer to just be.  However people respond is their thing.  I never thought about passing when I lived in the facade.  Why would I want to think about that now that I'm truly me?  Life is so much simpler when you just live it and don't worry about what the neighbors think.

Julie

That is one of the better summations of being in the world as who you are that I've read in a very long time.

Nichole

I have stopped using the term 'passing'.  I now refer to this a 'blending in', which what we are to achieve in order to live our lives in peace.

Janet

Quote from: Starbuck on February 06, 2009, 12:28:14 PM
i dont think how you act is 70%... not of you look like borris becker....

........

Was refering to "And yes it's so true most people are more caught up in their own lifes just as much as you are!!! That is 70% of it in my eyes."
Which is what lizard elaborated on, very well I might add!
Soz for the mix up! :S

Quote from: Julie Marie on February 06, 2009, 12:40:56 PM
.......... If people don't notice you, you haven't passed, you just went unnoticed.  If you interact with someone and they respond to you as they would any other person of your presented gender, then they perceive you to be that gender

Julie

Yep.....I think Julie hit the nail on the head.  For me, it's easy to tell.  All day long, I sell appliances, mostly to women, often to men.  Lots of cues tell you where you are.  Selling appliances, I get into conversations with people about family life, about kids and grandkids, husbands, and partners.  Once in a while, some oh-so-nice woman suspects that I'm still young enough to be having a period!  At other times, we complain about flashes, night sweats, and nod sympathetically.  Female customers come to me, and tell me they really need a woman's point of view about what to buy.  We show each other pictures of children and grandchildren, and when they come back, they're happy to see me again (usually....unless something went wrong with their order).  We make side comments about men, and how it's a good thing we're here to keep the world running.  Often we touch in some light way, or hug or cheek kiss.  We are social creatures.
I love being a woman!

If you want to know how you are perceived, give some people the chance to interact with you.  Socialize! There's really no other way to tell.


Bev

I've never had anyone misspronoun or point/laugh, or stare.  I guess that's a good sign.

I like the concept of blending.

The only time I have a problem with blending is when I have to go out in boy clothes and do female things. I hate going for laser or electro dressed as Cindy, I hate looking like a hairy female. I often give myself a treat after a painful session and of course shopping is it for me, so I end up buying clothes dressed as a guy and although I have no problems and lots of good experiences (see other posts), I don't like the lack of freedom.
Do I pass, I'm me I accepted myself, couldn't give a damn, I'm a women and we are out there in all shapes and sizes.

Cindy James

[/quote]

Yep.....I think Julie hit the nail on the head.  For me, it's easy to tell.  All day long, I sell appliances, mostly to women, often to men.  Lots of cues tell you where you are.  Selling appliances, I get into conversations with people about family life, about kids and grandkids, husbands, and partners.  Once in a while, some oh-so-nice woman suspects that I'm still young enough to be having a period!  At other times, we complain about flashes, night sweats, and nod sympathetically.  Female customers come to me, and tell me they really need a woman's point of view about what to buy.  We show each other pictures of children and grandchildren, and when they come back, they're happy to see me again (usually....unless something went wrong with their order).  We make side comments about men, and how it's a good thing we're here to keep the world running.  Often we touch in some light way, or hug or cheek kiss.  We are social creatures.
I love being a woman!

If you want to know how you are perceived, give some people the chance to interact with you.  Socialize! There's really no other way to tell.


Bev
[/quote]

Bev you are right, interaction and social conversations. I have many similar interactions as you stated. So I guess if you are perceived as female and confided in by other females you pass.

However you will never know 100% of the time so as others have said, don't worry. When I first transitioned I thought about this a lot. I have grown since then to understand enough to understand that their are other markers as well in passing not just looks. ie walk, posture, voice, make up, clothes, etc, etc.

Stardust 

I agree.......genders are package deals.