I wrote this nearly 10 years ago during the height of my gender incongruence before transitioning to female. It is about the actor we create to get along with the world and about how as we fall more and more into the actor role, the less we feel we can ever be our true selves because all we have allowed others to see is our actor. I hope you like it.
The Actor
Alone and sad I'm locked away
Far deep within the darkest cell:
A prison with no walls or chains,
Within my mind a living hell.
Perceptions of the world pass by;
I watch them from my mental cage,
But barred away from taking part
I let an actor take my stage.
He lives the life I've never known.
With him I can't identify.
The world accepts what they don't know
Is nothing but a living lie.
Because of him I can't be free,
And none can see that I exist,
But to remove him from his place
Is something that I dare not risk.
He lives a life that's not his own.
To take it is to kill the man,
And though he never should have lived,
Just who am I to say I can?
'cause though I might be fin'ly free,
It is not worth the risk I fear
To cause such pain to come about
And kill one others hold so dear.
For even if I showed the truth,
I fear that they will just not see
The man I killed to show myself
Was really never truly me.
I long to die but wish to live,
But trapped and buried I must stay
To save the sorrow caused to some
And let them love the lie I made.
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