My parents are strict, evangelical Christians. They believe that god made everyone perfectly, regardless of whether a person is born without arms or legs, with mental defect or disease, or perhaps with the wrong genetics or genitalia. While I find this quite ridiculous, and have called them out on it numerous times, they persist in their opinion that I am simply straying from god by pursuing transition, and refuse to believe I know what I'm doing.

Anyone have any ideas on how to deal with this situation? It didn't become an issue until just recently, because I was living independently and didn't really bother dealing with their ignorance, but now I'm stuck living with them for the next 3 1/2 months, and it's nearly unbearable.

SD

Just tell them this is the mental defect that god gave you.  Let them sort that out.

Yikes. I've never understood this attitude. You have my sympathy.

I don't quite get the "perfect" aspect here. Do you mean that we were all made perfect, or we were all made the way we are for a particular reason? Are we not supposed to mess around with the way we are?

Do they believe in flu shots, eyeglasses, Braille, prosthetic arms, wheelchairs, appendectomies? Do they believe that people should drive cars and wear clothing?

God did make you perfect. God made you just as you are.  Man disagreed.

Our physical selves do not determine our spirit or our personality.  A minister does not become a minister because of his/her eye color, height, skin color or any other physical factor.  It was in their spirit, their soul, that guided them to the ministry.

Our earthly minds are no match for the mind of God.  We see something and we believe it is true.  But have you ever seen God?  How do you know God exists?  Faith! 

Your family has never seen your spirit or seen inside your soul yet they tell you that man, not God, is right in determining your gender.  Your family (and their thinking) is of this earth and they are choosing to stay there.

God made you perfect.  But God gave you a challenge.  That challenge is to elevate those around you above their earthly knowledge and get them closer to God and to realize God doesn't make mistakes, only man.

Julie

Quote from: Sebastien on February 04, 2009, 03:14:11 PM
My parents are strict, evangelical Christians. They believe that god made everyone perfectly, regardless of whether a person is born without arms or legs, with mental defect or disease, or perhaps with the wrong genetics or genitalia. While I find this quite ridiculous, and have called them out on it numerous times, they persist in their opinion that I am simply straying from god by pursuing transition, and refuse to believe I know what I'm doing.

Anyone have any ideas on how to deal with this situation? It didn't become an issue until just recently, because I was living independently and didn't really bother dealing with their ignorance, but now I'm stuck living with them for the next 3 1/2 months, and it's nearly unbearable.

SD

Sebastien,

During my transition I have had a few evangelicals that has said similar things to me and the thing is I am evangelical myself and went to an evangelical seminary where I studied Practical Theology; and the first scripture that comes to mind is John 9:1-3, this is where Jesus heals a man born blind and His disciples asked, "who sinned this man or his parents?"   And Jesus tells them that this man was born blind to show the Glory of God, I feel that we are born Trans to show forth the Glory of God.  And if you study the Bible you will see healing after healing and if this was against God's will then why did Jesus do it?  People will use their religious beliefs, or dogma would be a better word, to keep from trying to educate themselves on ->-bleeped-<- and make a blind statement that changing yourself to fit who you really are is against God.  I think that not allowing a trans person transition is stopping that person from showing the Glory of God is what God will object to.  These are my thoughts and I know that not everyone will agree but I that was much as we want those in our lives to except or to try to understand use that we must try to explain it in the way they will understand and if that is go out of our way to educate them, if we can.

My thoughts, and my thoughts only but isn't "Practical Theology" sort of an oxymoron?

Quote from: Sebastien on February 04, 2009, 03:14:11 PM
they persist in their opinion that I am simply straying from god by pursuing transition

No no no no! Transition IS the right path, NOT transitioning would be straying (which isn't necessarily a bad thing I don't think, but don't quote me on that. -- I mean, you were given free will an all after all.) Anyway, give'em a warm/loving hug for me will you?

Thank you all so much for your quick responses. Particularly, I must thank Ericka... not because other responses weren't good, but because yours, I'd love to have my mother read. That's exactly the sort of thing I've tried to tell my parents, but they refuse to believe I know what I'm talking about.

I had a long talk with my mom tonight on this very subject. She says that her primary concern is my "relationship with God." I AM a Christian, though my beliefs are not exactly those of my parents... I don't attend church, but I fully believe that Jesus died for my sins, and try to practice the morality and kindness that he taught. However, I have time after time assured my parents that my relationship with god is absolutely fine, and that that is not the problem... the problem is that I would like to be accepted for who I am.

I made a mistake, apparently, when first coming out to my mom... I told her I thought god made a mistake, that I should have been born male. Tonight, even prior to reading any of your responses, I told her I believed I was born this way for a reason, because it has made me a far stronger person. I told her I would be glad to talk to her pastor, a therapist, or anyone she'd like, if she truly thinks I'm wrong in my thinking. She did not respond... only called me by my birth name and insisted that I had been convinced by other people that I'm trans.

I will keep trying. Being confronted by my parents' ignorance daily, however, is really hard on me. I am in a place now, the place where I went through high school and lived on and off for 8 years, where I don't feel like myself at all. People here know me as a girl, as my birth name, and none of them as yet will even begin to accept me as Sebastien. It's difficult. But it feels very good to know that there are people here who care.

SD

Just wanted to add I'm kind of in your same shoes with my mother, only it's less of an issue because I don't have to live with her and we aren't close, so it's fairly easy to ignore her.  I like to see her denial when she says I haven't changed at all physically on T (6+ months) and my voice hasnt' changed, when clearly it has, LOL.

Anyway I was at my group therapy earlier this week and PFLAG had a nice booklet on this very topic. I don't remember the name but you may be able to find it on their website to order.

Jay

The surest way is by living your life sucessfully post transition.

we can never force anyone to accept this nor should we try to force them.


NOTE: If your paerents ever had surgery tell them they shouldn't do it because god loves them just the way they are

hi... you have to remember . that most people in the church groups were taught  a very tight view of things . any thing out side of their teaching was a no no as far as they were & are concerned . so we come along we are different so they cant accept us , or wont ... yet the Lord does .  with out  any   . the Lord has allowed us to be this way . so yes we have lots of detail to try & work out . i did . to sum it up . the hell of it all .
          yet guess what . who prepared the way in front for me ... yes . it was not me or even my friends . doors were opened things where done for me yes it was hard & every thing about my life till that time 11 years ago . when i was given the time to be me .. at 61 now i have a life as me . now telling others oh now thats just so hard . family . oh yes .. damm hard . yea we are getting there slowly . now those church people very mixed .some no acceptance at all ... others. thinking .learning trying to accept . yes finding it very hard yet they are opening their door just a bit . so dont give up our Lord can & will open their hearts or show them how . i have been accepted in to their group just to day a member came up to me & we had a nice talk i was surprised yet he told me he was haveing probs in accepting me as a women yet he is getting there ... like i said the doors are opening . so dont push it .  it will happen .now this has been over 8 months there is some back ground to this . so the word ....acceptance ...is there... well this is a nice thing that is happening the were asked in this group some time ago .. as to how would they go if some one was to come in to their group & to be with them some one who is totaly different ..... yes well you know . me .   so there you are . this may not help yet .  its just to let you know . it can
       ...noeleena...

Being that church stuff is to a large degree about what is immortal, and unchanging, its not much of a surprise that they don't handle change very well.