Okay. This is the first time I join a trans-community of any kind. Just so you know.
You people are the first people I'm openly talking to about this stuff aside from my (married) partner and a couple of friends, without whom I'd most surely still be burying my internal issues under more layers of denial and excuses.
I was raised in the most gender-role free environment a single mother could have offered in the eighties. Which translates mostly to; I was raised to believe I could be whoever and whatever I wanted to be, no matter the contents of my pants, all that mattered was that I was happy.
None the less, I was called a princess when I was pretty or did good, and put in dresses for special occasions. I was raised as the biological female I was born as, but with the context of "be happy" and "do what you want".
None the less, soon as I left the safety of my own home, the outside world (school and such) had specific tasks and roles that usually were divided out based on the sex of the kid. The girls got to do shop too, but instead of building toy cars and areplanes we made butterknives and birds.
I'm shy, I was bullied due to being obscenely tall for a girl (sprouted to full 6'2'' = 187.5cm) and being athletically challenged and wearing glasses and being a bookworm with good grades, in other words a nerd, and being shy and burned by the people in my surrounding, I have spent most of my life "trying to be normal".
I decided when I was in my early teens that I wouldn't try to be normal, nor fit in, anymore. That I'd just be "me". Ofcourse I wasn't able to make that transition over night, it's be a really long walk since then.
About two and a half years ago, I told my then "new" boyfriend about my gender-confusion and issues. It was somewhat of a "going out on a limb", it was the first time I felt like I could trust someone with this, and I was pleasantly surprised to find acceptance.
I "knew" that this world, people like us, existed. I know that there is acceptance out there, and not "just" bias. I know my family just wants me to be happy. And yet, I've not yet taken any steps towards transitioning.
I have an irrational amount of fears and anxieties. I know they're irrational. But I'm working on it..
Oh yeah.. I'm 26. I have a daughter, she's 8. I know a little bit about everything. I've got fibromyalgia. I need pants.
I am a bloke, currently hidden under womanly curves.