Hi all!

I had a unique experience today, for me at least, and thought I might share and maybe compare notes. I was sitting there in my therapists office, and she suddenly stopped talking and just looked at me. We had been discussing my start on hrt, and she looked at me intensely for a moment, and quietly asked me

"What's it like?"

To be honest, the question kind of set me back. It's wonderful, but I don't have to tell that to anyone here. I struggled to find the words to describe it to her. Being a genetic woman, she knows what it's like. That's the best I could come up with for an answer, and I think I left her kind of unsatisfied. I told her about how I noticed my dog was funnier than I realised before, and how I laughed just yesterday with my whole heart, something I haven't done since I was a child.

It's kind of strange really. She has spent a lot of time talking about surgeries, while I've spent most of the time talking about prescriptions. I think it occurred to her that what's going on with me is a lot more than a desire for surgery. She's not a gender specialist so I can forgive her. I think today she realised that it isn't, in fact, all about sex. I'm sure I look happy, she was looking at me like I was glowing white.

But it's stuck with me, that question "What's it like?" I can't really find suitable words, and I like to think I have a fair command of the language! One word that comes to mind is "busybrain", but I think the business between my ears will settle down after my brain gets accustomed to not being drenched in boyjuice anymore. For now it's going a mile a minute, processing so many different things in ways it didn't/couldn't before. Such remarkably powerful drugs, making such a profound impact on my mind, it should be interesting to see what they eventually do to my body.

So anyway, help me put words to this please  What's it like for you, I know it's hard to describe but being the creative sort it's bugging me not being able to express this feeling. Euphoria feels too strong (and has medical implications so we better not use that word), but Happy doesn't seem strong enough. Maybe we should invent a new word!

Quote from: Hannah on February 23, 2009, 05:25:58 PM
Hi all!

I had a unique experience today, for me at least, and thought I might share and maybe compare notes. I was sitting there in my therapists office, and she suddenly stopped talking and just looked at me. We had been discussing my start on hrt, and she looked at me intensely for a moment, and quietly asked me

"What's it like?"

To be honest, the question kind of set me back. It's wonderful, but I don't have to tell that to anyone here. I struggled to find the words to describe it to her. Being a genetic woman, she knows what it's like. That's the best I could come up with for an answer, and I think I left her kind of unsatisfied. I told her about how I noticed my dog was funnier than I realised before, and how I laughed just yesterday with my whole heart, something I haven't done since I was a child.

It's kind of strange really. She has spent a lot of time talking about surgeries, while I've spent most of the time talking about prescriptions. I think it occurred to her that what's going on with me is a lot more than a desire for surgery. She's not a gender specialist so I can forgive her. I think today she realised that it isn't, in fact, all about sex. I'm sure I look happy, she was looking at me like I was glowing white.

But it's stuck with me, that question "What's it like?" I can't really find suitable words, and I like to think I have a fair command of the language! One word that comes to mind is "busybrain", but I think the business between my ears will settle down after my brain gets accustomed to not being drenched in boyjuice anymore. For now it's going a mile a minute, processing so many different things in ways it didn't/couldn't before. Such remarkably powerful drugs, making such a profound impact on my mind, it should be interesting to see what they eventually do to my body.

So anyway, help me put words to this please  What's it like for you, I know it's hard to describe but being the creative sort it's bugging me not being able to express this feeling. Euphoria feels too strong (and has medical implications so we better not use that word), but Happy doesn't seem strong enough. Maybe we should invent a new word!

Not sure what the correct answer is but I would have answered "You're a woman, you already know the answer"!

Estrogen has a powerful effect on one's psyche, after having been on it for many, many years one doesn't really notice it any more. That's just the way things are, how one is. It's very nice, I couldn't live without it.

Quote from: imaz on February 23, 2009, 07:00:55 PM
Not sure what the correct answer is

Ha, I was just sitting in Biology class trying to listen to some dribble about the brain and this very thought occurred to me, I wonder if that was a diagnostic rather than curious question. Psychologists and their trickery 

Quote from: Hannah on February 23, 2009, 07:22:25 PM
Ha, I was just sitting in Biology class trying to listen to some dribble about the brain and this very thought occurred to me, I wonder if that was a diagnostic rather than curious question. Psychologists and their trickery 

Hehe! They're humans too despite appearances!

I'm married to one!

Introspecting on the psychological effects of estrogen is something I'm VERY much looking forward to.  I won't start HRT for 2 or 3 months, though.

Let me ask you some questions to get your introspective engine running:

Can you distinguish between goal-fulfillment based mood changes and actual mood changes that are biochemically driven?  In other words, estrogen might make you happier because you've wanted to truly be female, and it might make you happier because your brain has been sorely lacking chemicals it was expecting during puberty.  Try to figure out the way that both are affecting your mood.

Second, think of your logical thought processes - your attitudes, your beliefs, arguments you would have formed before HRT.  Have any of these changed?  Do you find yourself having difficulty doing math problems?  Do you find your arguments to be less logic-based, and more based on emotional states?  Have your beliefs or attitudes about anything changed?  A lot of people report an attitude shift toward babies and small animals.  Is this something unexpected?  And why?

Last, emotional control: if you're experiencing a shift in your ability to control your emotions, to what do you attribute this?

What's it like, hummm well I'm so much more relaxed, calm and fun to be around, totally opposite of him, my emotions are all over the place now I've been on hrt 9 months, i can be laughing one minute and read something and be crying the next, i don't know if this is a result of hrt or now finally being me and it's ok to be emotional, i suspect maybe both.

Ashling, i don't think my attitudes or beliefs have changed but my arguments have changed to a emotional state. You really got it correct on the attitude shift, I have been wanting to get a kitty for a month or so and when i get my house cleaned up in the next couple weeks I will go to the animal shelter and get one.

Paula.

I can relate to the "busybrain" comment.
Besides the overall improvement in calmness, patience and happiness, I find that my brain buzzes along now with lots of thought.
It seems that there are always transitory thoughts going through it.
I find it a positive experience, but to describe it as a negative, I would say that I'm more "ditzy".
That is, always juggling a thousand thoughts and sometimes dropping a few.