Okay, I'm gonna do another one of my rambles so get ready.

How do you folks socialize when your gender confuses people?
I feel like now that I'm taking on a young boy appearance, I'm confusing the heck out of people and getting extremely self-conscious about it. And this is adding to the anxiety I already have about socializing in the first place. for example, people have tried to start conversations with me lately but I just completely back out of it. This one guy thought I was a young boy, asked me my name and I was like "uh.. uhh.... (birth name)" and hes like "ohhh.. I see.." .. Then I start having some kinda panic attack about it. I freaked out. I just cant deal with this. If I hadn't been so self conscious, I would have been able to have a normal conversation with him, instead of dwelling on how I look and act so much.
Also my parents want me to take it slow, get more experience dealing with people, make friends, get a job etc before I decide if I wanna take any major steps toward transition. They also think I will probably never assimilate as a man because I look to much like a female and I have such terrible problems socializing that it will be very hard for me to learn to socialize as a male (even tho I act, walk, talk like one). So now I'm considering going back to wearing some female clothes and switch my outward identity to more obviously female so I can get rid of this extra mind block that is really screwing with my head about talking to people and actually adding to my shyness.
I just can't talk to people like this, I think I need to go back to "female mode" cause now that I look like a young boy I am starting too feel like one and I don't wanna be that immature and confuse people so much!!

So is it possible to look the way I do and overcome this self-consciousness?

Maybe I should explore my female side more while I'm still young however I feel this urgency because the clock is ticking and I'm afraid my breasts will grow bigger, or my hips will get bigger, or etc if I don't get on T, or I might be able to grow an extra inch or two if I get on it sooner. And also I want to live the rest of my youth as a man, I want to experience young adulthood as a man and enjoy it! And also, the body dysphoria gets real bad at times, and I'm not sure I can deal with it because it adds so much to my depression, to where I'm scared I might do something violent or abusive toward myself. But on the other hand, I'm still exploring my gender identity, even tho it is more solidly male, and also I had no firm gender identity up until I started questioning it, so it's just all confusing.

Thank you for listening everyone I don't know what I'd do without ya!

While not there (yet), the first thing I saw wrong was using your birth name, if your are presenting, you should be using your new name. The fact that he expected it and you said your birth name would just make things a bit odd.

At the point he said "Oh I see", means he was not going to be hostile so why freak out? You were already past the worst part.

If you think you need to slow down, slow down, only you can decide if its too soon. Bio clocks suck, but many here had to wait FAR longer than you and they were fine. You have to do this when YOU are ready, not when your body is prime for it. It stinks but too soon, is too soon. Seems to me you are at the threshold and having second thoughts. It's normal.

I'll tell ya, I remember when I was 18 and wished it were possible (never knew it was possible) to be a guy, I was still in my growing phase and had narrow hips and small breasts. By the time I transitioned, hips and breasts were bigger. I have had regrets, but I've also been grateful that I waited because I had my life more together and I could handle the stresses of transitions better.

There is no right time, I think. It isn't the easiest thing to do at any time, but there are plusses and minuses to earlier and later.

Given that I don't have my life to live over, I have no regrets. If I could have had my 40 year old mind in my 18 year old body, then yeah, got regrets. But I'm doing fine as a short, kinda stout guy, and yeah I had to have DI because my tits grew, but I also made it through transition really easily.

Not that this tells you what to do. Only you can do that. But there are benefits to earlier and benefits to later. Only you can do the balancing.

Dennis

Just take it easy and enjoy yourself being whoever and wherever you are.

As regards names I'm not sure what is right, I had a girls name from birth due to my crazy mum naming me after her Gay uncle (let's not go there!).

Seriously be happy and be who you really are, initially many years ago I was really into the "black and white" binary scenario. With time we change and I've come to love and really enjoy the "grey" areas.

Be yourself my friend.

I'd say it's good to switch to your new name by now, but lord knows that won't be enough to stop your anxiety. Try to focus on changing your reactions. If you act awkward about it, people are more likely to feel awkward about it; and the more confident you are the more likely you are to win people over.

Still though there are going to be people who will be absolutely terrible about the real you and there is nothing you can do to change them. However you do have the ability to change yourself, and if you shrink in the face of their disappointment, then you let them have power over you. Even if you have to fake it act like it doesn't matter to you when people give funny looks.

Confidence can be learned. 

You should explore all aspects of your nature because it is a learning experience and it will help you to find the aspects that don't fit you.

You could come up with a name that can be either gender.  I don't know if this is a good idea.  Just a thought.

Northy,

It's insecurity and it's natural. You will unfortunately have to go through the in-between phase sometime if you intend to transition, it's inevitable and it's a pain. I'd say shoot for being your male self and using your male name most of the time. If sometimes you can't, then it's not a big defeat, you're after all at the start of your transition.
As for exploring the female life, by all means do if you feel like you should in order to be complete. If you do decide to transition afterwards, you know you're not losing anything dear to your heart that way.

::hugs::