Hi There,

So I'm sure some of you remember my rant a few weeks ago about how my best friend, who is a straight male, has been supportive of me but I am thinking of ending our 10 year friendship b/c I hate his girlfriend and he is a bum who isn't doing anything with his life and he is only going to college part time b/c he likes to copy me and has no mind of his own....

So, clearly I am a bit of a snob. This past weekend I went to a birthday party and there were a few individuals there that I was not too fond of....although I acted civil, I hate having to be fake and acting like everything is ok. I think I don't like these people because they have certain views that I don't agree with and they are also social loafers who aren't really doing anything productive with their lives....and since they are friends of my friends, it's hard b/c I don't think that they see what I see in these people, and I feel like my friends have no standards.

Now, don't get me wrong, as a pre-transition mtf I'm in no role to judge and hate, but I can't help it. My conclusion is that I'm insecure b/c I'm in the wrong body and can't do much about it since I live at home. Maybe once I get further into transition I will be a bit more appreciative of people who are willing to accept me, but for now it just sucks, and I don't want to lose my friends.

What should I do? Am I screwed until I start transition?

Chrissi

What would you like to happen?

Hang w/ a limited crowd.  Makes being judgemental easier.

I'm not sure what I want, I just don't want to have to subordinate other people when I am around them, its too stressful! I do want to always have lots of friends, I just don't know if that will be possible until I transition....

Chrissi

A bum, nothing going on in their life - and my favorite, really, - social loafers who aren't really doing anything productive with their lives.

I must have missed the memo - no problem, it happens all the time - that god died and left you in charge of judgments about other people and how they are living their lives.  Of course, no one would ever question your decisions, your choices, your values, and what you want to do with your life.  Nah, if they even dared to do that they would be 'transphobic' or some other phobic.

Because of course, their value judgments are against you, and your value judgments, are just right as rain. 

Way to go, you are as worthless as they are.  Congrads.

For once I actually agree wholeheartedly with Tekla.

Get over yourself.

Only going to college because he wants to copy you? Subordinating other people? Social loafers? I'm confused and kind of put off.

Ok, so if one of your good groups of friends all of a sudden started hanging out with some die-hard christian with high morale horses you could not understand you for the life of him/her, wouldn't you be a little concerned?

Or if your best friend sat on the couch all day and played video games, wouldn't you be a bit worried?

Hey, at least I'm asking for help....

well, from your post, it sounds like you don't like your friends. if these people are so beneath you, why not go find people who meet your standards?

Quote from: Icephoenyx on February 27, 2009, 06:57:06 PM

Or if your best friend sat on the couch all day and played video games, wouldn't you be a bit worried?

If they DIDN'T every once in a while I'd be a bit concered.

But yeah. What Telka and Freespeechez said.

you know Icephoenix, maybe you should examine why you feel this way.
could be a sign of insecurity. not feeling like your friends are good enough.

Well I think the other thing that could be examined is why exactly it matters so much what others are doing?  And how it comes to be that you are working overtime to judge that, rather than just kicking back and digging the party.  It's only one party, only one night, its not like your getting married to them, or because you shared a beer and a bong your all going to be tied together forever. 

I mean what is it exactly that they 'ought' be doing with their lives?  Is that in any way holding you back?  I think there are a lot of ways, a lot of paths through life, and people find the way that works best for them you hope, and one person's 'wasting your life away' is a dream existence to others. 

And some of the other stuff, like I acted civil, I hate having to be fake and acting like everything is ok hey, that's just life, and its good to practice for the thousands of other times in your life when your going to have to do just this again, and again. 

Look, if your going to be successful in some way, and that's what I think you are - and they are not - doing, then I'm here to tell you (and I'm sure some of the other older girls and boys here will help me out) that you are going to have to work with people, and be social with them not just when your not too fond of them, but when you outright loathe them and view them with total disgust.  But your going to have to be nice, or you get send home or fired.  I work with - or am forced in my job to interact with - people who are so vile and loathsome that song's like Queen's Death on Two Legs, and Heart's Barracuda get written about them.  And they like that.  And the songs don't even get close to how creepy they are.  Now I could tell them that - at length even - and get all hissy and bitchy (and I can, I can) but I bundle all that up, look down at the floor and look them in the eyes and say "Nice shoes." 

Hey, I want to do my work, do the show, and this chucklehead is only to to take a minute or so to explain away, so I do it, with a smile on my face and without saying "did your parents have any kids that lived?" though the thought does pass through my mind.

And in time you like some people more and other people less, and life can be funny in who those people are.  I'm real sure about that.

I also will be happy to tell you that there are a lot of vile, abusive and mean spirited humans around, and if you hang out around them enough you're life will suck just as much as theirs does.  And if that's the buzzer that's going off in your brain, then get out of there and find other people.

Well, that opened my eyes a bit Tekla, thanks, but I also think that once I transition more fully and get into "the real world" your points will become more apparent.