In three weeks i move out from my wife and four children. Why cant I just stop the hurt Im causing everyone. To be honest suicide has been a comforting thought, but that is something Ide never do (been there done that). Im just so scared of what life holds for me

Hi Krissy:

I presume that you've determined that moving out is necessary.
Depending on circumstances it might not be.
I guess that even semi-independent living under the same roof won't work?

Well, you're taking a big step on a great adventure.
Somebody was bound to be hurt, it can't be helped.

What life holds? Nobody knows. That's the fun thing about it!

I got divorced for other reasons, but still, moving out and leaving your kids sucks.  I would hope the kids at least are supportive and you'll get to see them?  I can't imagine if I had to give up my kids.

Good luck.

Jay

Krissy:

This is going to be the hardest period of your life because you are being born into yourself.

Birth is rarely easy.

This is a transition for those around you as well as yourself.  While you have had your whole life to come to terms with it, those around you have only discovered it recently (relatively).  It's harder for them to understand.

But, it doesn't have to remain that way.

Perhaps, in time, they may come to understand that this is NOT something you can choose not to do.  You cannot remain in your old life.

You are making a life and death decision.

That is what you tell them.  They can either have the memories of a dead loved one, or have a living person who is really the same person they always knew, but changed, evolved, reborn as the person they always were.

It can be done, Krissy.  Give them time, and your understanding.

-Sandy

Quote from: Krissy_Australia on March 01, 2009, 06:30:25 AM
In three weeks i move out from my wife and four children. Why cant I just stop the hurt Im causing everyone. To be honest suicide has been a comforting thought, but that is something Ide never do (been there done that). Im just so scared of what life holds for me

Can you get access to a therapist or someone who you can talk with about your deepest issues? All the advice here is great along with many great people, but I think now you need to find a place to release your fears, stress, etc. with a professional or someone you trust who's honest with you. I've been close enough to suicide to see my own death in the coming moment, so I'm concerned you not get even close to there. Find someone, please.

Hi and thanks for your support.
Susan Im seeing a therapist and he is helping me through this and especially wants to see me after Ive moved out. I was pretty emotional when I wrote the post.
Its just such a monumental decision and once I move out my old life will be a thing of the past. Both Claire and I have worked very hard to get where we are and if my GID issues hadn't of overwhelmed me we could have lived a comfortable life. Just about everyday I question whether I could stop what Im doing and just carry on as life is now but when I think about it I know Im kidding myself. Its not something I can ever stop so I may as well start living life again.
Claire has been supportive once she realized that its something that is just not going to go away. Financially she was scared and we have court orders set in place where she owns the house and Ive paid my maintenance to the children over the nexr 12 years.
I know Im going to be fine and making sure my family are financially ok gives me a great boost. I suspect these next three weeks are going to be some of the hardest of my life.

Separation from family is the hardest thing to do in the world.  Did I make the right decision?  And can I ever change what has been done?

You can't unring a bell.  Trust in yourself that you are doing what is best for all.

Janet

Being away form the children is very difficult. When I first seperated from my wife I missed my daughters very much. But I lived about 25 minutes away so I saw them often. Actually spending weekends with them without the wife present was great. The atmosphere was much more relaxed. It should really be all about the children and what is best for them. Just an opinion. Genevieve

It is a hard time leaving even without transistion too.  Hang in there dear.  I for one have been there and it does get better, even though it seems a pretty deep pit to be in.  Take it one day at the time, and we're here for you too. 

My children are older, and while I don't see them as much as I would like, there is phone and email, facebook, etc. 

Take good care of yourself

Beni