omg I am actually speechless...and this actually happened in 2009?
how ignorant is your therapist?
? and I'm sorry but there is really no other word for it but ignorant. They really need to get themselves some trans education and I don't think it is your job to educate them, they should be helping you.
There really is no right way to be a man, it's just so not about how you look or the activities you enjoy or your sexuality its what you feel inside. And only you can know if you are a man, if you identify with being male, that is the process your therapist should be helping you with not telling you that there is only one right way to be trans.
Some trans people don't even present in the gender they know they are, presentation is something to maybe aid society to percieve you as you would like them too but it isn't and shouldn't be the bee all and end all of everything.
I really feel strongly that maybe you should speak with your mother about getting a new therapist, this one doesn't sound informed enough in certain areas to be able to address your specific situation.
As for the body image/ weight issues you have, I have struggled with those myself and in my case at least those issues were very definately tied up to my then gender identity confusion and the unhappiness I felt as a result of that. I went through stages of not eating during this period as well as overeating the wrong kinds of foods, drinking too much and smoking and just generally abusing and having little regard for my body.
I don't even now understand fully why I did these things but my theory is that my body, my physicality was the most obvious representation of what I was supposed to be (female) and I knew I wasn't female.
Since I came out I have never been happier within myself, my body issues have totally disappeared, I mean there are things I don't like about myself of course but I dislike them in a healthy way. I am literally almost a different person in terms of happiness with myself and confidence.
It will pass believe me but you do need to work through it which is why it is of paramount importance you get a therapist who respects and understands trans people. If you need someone to talk too please feel free to message me, I do understand what you are going through at least in terms of self esteem issues. It is tough being trans especially as you are so young. I wish I could help you I hope this post was able to help in some small way even if only to let you know that there are other people out there who have gone through what you are going through.
