hello, my name's stezzie.
i'm 24 and and i have been a very depressed kid for as long as i can really remember.
i also have a severe case of anxiety, i take medication for both.
about five or six years ago i took a human sexuality class in college and found out about gender identity disorder, excuse me if that's wrong, i'm really new to this.
a woman came in to talk one day, she was born a man, to talk to the class about how all her life as a man she knew she was a woman.
my mind started racing.
i totally connected with her.
after the class i still didn't think i had a problem.
my depression got really bad about four years ago.
i began crying a lot uncontrollably at random times for absolutely no reason.
for the past year i think i can say i've been more stable thanks to finally finding medication that worked for my depression.
however, again, the last few months i have been crying again like i did before.
i lay in bed for hours all the time crying, but when i stop i try to think about what makes me cry.
all i can think is i hate myself.
just a few days ago a few memories started to surface from my early childhood.
i remember always wanting to play with the girls but they never let me.
boys didn't like me cause i've always been kinda girly i guess, as some people have called me.
another thought pops in my head.
i remember when i was about four asking my mom,"what if i was suppose to be a girl?"
she told me that that was wrong to think because god creates people the way they're suppose to be.
->-bleeped-<-ing light bulb turns on in my head.
i came to the conclusion that i really am a girl.
i immediately start looking things up online.
woah!!!
i'm not alone?!?!?!
about two nights ago i told my girlfriend one night while i was crying on the phone with her what i truly believed was making me hate myself.
she asked me if i liked men or women, i quickly responded i like women.
i love her actually, we have plans on getting married.
she's the only person i've told.
the next day after i told her i shaved my legs for the second time in my life, fixed my eyebrows, fixed my hair kinda girly, i'm due for a haircut but now debating, and shaved my stupid facial hair and body hair.
i can honestly say i've never been happier with this mindset.
so that's me, stezzie.
i really like this community and hope to find friends and others with the similar mindsets.
thanks if you read all this!!!
