Well it has been a Month and 5 days since I went full time, changed my legal name and came out at work. My bank cards have all been changed which really helps as it is quite embarrasing to present female and then sign with a guys name on the receipts.
My wife after the change was naturally upset as it was a reminder to her that she has lost her husband is doing better now that the initial shock of the name change has wore off. There was one incident Saturday night that both had us in tears though. We went out to a bar where my daughter was bartending and they were having a St Paddys Day party with dancing and Karioke. There was one slow dance that was being played that my wife and I used to always dance to. I glanced over to her after I saw many couples going to the dance floor. It was already bothering me that I couldnt dance with her and than I saw tears in her eyes and the hormones kicked in and I had to dry my own eyes in the Ladies room and gain my composure.
That really hurt and for the first time I honestly and truly missed an aspect of David. It was such an emotional moment that I thought of detransitioning. I have never felt that way before, but the pain of seeing her hurting and grieving was almost overwhelming for me and I have tears in my eyes again as I write this. Who said full time was always easy?
Okay, dryed my eyes, have to move on. My work situation has been absolutely positive. I work at a VA Med Ctr and everyone from HR down has been great. My paperwork with the name change was done on record time and the last of it, my change on the Ins. Med card was submitted last week. Now I have to worry that they wont cut off my HRT and Endo with the no transitioning coverage clause. Still not sure why they have been paying it all this time but it may work to my advantage that they did so without questioning it. Here's hoping to that.
I'm still waiting to here from the Womens Clinic for the Veterans if they will switch my records over to their Primary Care Physician. I had talked to her and she was the one who suggested I do that and the Vet rep, helped submit the paperwork. Again everyone has been cooperative and I have been exceedingly fortunate so far.
I now have to get up twenty minutes earlier every morning, ugh, to put some make up on. Thankfully I dont have to wear dresses and can just wear jeans and my workshirt. It would be kind of nice to do so but I at least save the expence of it all. It is kind of nice that if I dont feel like messing with my hair I can just pin it up or put it in a tail, lol. I marvel at the abilty to just dress as you want, go classy, mix and match, jeans and T, etc. No offence to the guys here but I love being able to do this and it really doesnt take much to add that little extra touch of femininty that helps tip the scale towards acceptance. Okay guys, no groaning, I'm really sane, lol, and I know you are happy with what you are doing.
Does anyone ever have like a flashback and do something that is totaly guy without any forethought? I have been sitting and peeing for well over a year now and at least six months even at work. I came home the other day after my hours drive from work, had to go really bad and all of a sudden I realized that I was standing doing my buisness, What the hell!!! Where did that come from? Sure hope I dont do that after SRS.
God, this is so exciting and I could keep on taliking about it. It really is wonderful to finally be yourself even if I still have the SRS to go yet. I am very comfortable and for you girls and guys that haven't yet reached this point, know that it will come for you also. Okay, I know, Wendy is writing a book with thread. I'll stop now. Hugs and love all.
Wendy
